okay i can be quite tongue-tied too, and not be able to say anything if i didnt know the person. laikin, idont think its becoz i am less hypocrite or whatever ppl are trying to make themselves out to be.
the mourning person rarely cares for what words you are using,
and it often helps to offer condolences in the way it is done.
agar nahi aata toa seekh loa, dont make it some form of anti-hypocrisy propaganda.
Its pretty simple for us muslims, just repeat the dua:
"ina lillahe wa ina elaihe rajeoon" (pardon the spelling)
What God giveth, He taketh away (and the translation if slightly off)
(no bailan :) )
I hear you funguy.. for strangers.. i usually don’t say anything..
My close friend lost his father to cancer in Pakistan.. and I knew he was miserable ..waiting to fly over there.. yet.. there was nothing I could say over the phone or even when i went to meet him.. we’re good buddies.. we have lots of fun together etc.. but i just didn’t know what to say that would actually be sincere and matter to him.. i mean i knew his dad but not that well.. and yes i felt no strong emotions over his loss…
i feel guilty now that i even tried to ‘simulate’ that loss in my mind putting my own father but.. dunno .. it didn’t quite work they way it was supposed to..
so a hug and a pat on the back and a cruel phrase like.. “allah nay un kee mushkil asaan kar dee” was all i could manage 