OK here is some history: my younger brother (Sunny, 25 years old) was diagnosed with cancer back in aug 08’…had a surgery and now going through Chemo and is doing very well mashAllah. I stay with two of my brothers n my mom (dad passed away in 94) our eldest brother (Sam) lives in the same city but wanted more freedom so he moved out few years back (not married).
While Sunny was in the hospital i used up most of my vacation time and now have only like 25 hrs, and every paycheck (biweekly) i accrue 4.5 hrs.
i take half a day off to take sunny for his chemo appointments (my uncle drops him off, and i pick him up n wait for his prescriptions which takes abt 2-3 hrs) For this i use up abt 4 hrs every other week…so at the end i m left with the same ~25 hrs.
now this week was my birthday and my fiance asked if i could take half a day off so we can meet up for lunch (he has classes in the evening but he wanted to celebrate it on my bday which was a monday) and go to galveston for a little while. so i said ok.
I am currently paying for everything at home (rent, bills…food, eldest brother does give money at home, sunny can’t work, mom got layoff, third brother gives a little) so if i run out of my vacation time and they start taking money out of my paycheck…v would be in trouble…so i didn’t want to take 2 half day and asked Sam if he could go with Sunny. I asked 2 weeks in advance, n after few issues he finally said ok. and went with my brother yesterday.
I felt really guilty abt taking a personal day, but i thought sunny would understand, and its not like i asked for help from a stranger…he is our brother. Sam has not once taken him for his chemo (i have always).
Sam didn’t call or message me on my bday to wish me, prob. forgot..not big deal. anyways around 2ish yesterday i get a this message from my eldest brother (he was sitting at the hospital pharmacy with sunny):
“oh Sunny just told me why you couldn’t come with him today…thats sad!”
Please tell me what u guys think abt this message. what would you interpret he means by it?
Sorry to know about all your hardships , may Allah have mercy on you and your family and shower you all with his bounties and blessings . Ameen.
May Allah grant best of health to your brother. Ameen.
I am very touched with your love and care for your family. May Allah bless you for all this.
May Allah make your eldest brother as caring and as loving as you are. Ameen.
Now back to your eldest brother. I hope and I think it is his way of wishing you. He forget and Sunny told him so he wished you. Why would you think otherwise ? I guess all this ordeal has made you extremely sensitive.
I know MKD, we all call our sister on her Bday, even if I miss calling her(happened like once I guess)
When I call first line I hear "you didn't call me on my Bday"
Thats about it, I am so glad she is not that girly girl.
Sorry to know about all your hardships , may Allah have mercy on you and your family and shower you all with his bounties and blessings . Ameen.
May Allah grant best of health to your brother. Ameen.
I am very touched with your love and care for your family. May Allah bless you for all this.
May Allah make your eldest brother as caring and as loving as you are. Ameen.
Now back to your eldest brother. I hope and I think it is his way of wishing you. He forget and Sunny told him so he wished you. Why would you think otherwise ? I guess all this ordeal has made you extremely sensitive.
Mirch thank you for all ur wishes n blessing...but his mesg. was nothing of a wish. what i got out of it was that he thinks it sad that i took a personal day instead of going with sunny.
n yes this ordeal n other issues has made me extremely sensitive.
Hmm ........ are sam and sunny on good terms with each other normally? From what I can gather there may be something between them that you may not be aware of.
Rabia: Your bro. (the one that texted you) seems really selfish and insensitive (sorry for the harsh words). Next time he says anything like that just tell him "Isn't it sad how you being the eldest won't take much of a responisibilty and you're meant to be the guy".
OK...i didn't start this because he didn't wish me Happy birthday ... i dont care abt that PM and MKD.
but i take care of my family and esp. sunny...so it hurts be that i m being told that "thats sad" that i couldn't take him to his chemo one time...cuz i took a day off for my bday.
is that really soooooo bad..taking a day off my bday, and asking my other brother to take care of sunny.
Rabia, my prayers go to your brother for good health and healing...and to you for being such a great sister.
As far as the message you received, maybe you could call your eldest bro and ask "what's sad about it, what do you mean?" and see what he says. Get it out in the open and see what the problem is.
Hmm ........ are sam and sunny on good terms with each other normally? From what I can gather there may be something between them that you may not be aware of.
well we normally dont like to ask for help frm Sam (because i guess history) so i guess Sunny could have been mad at that.
^ i did, and he said he was just teasing me and that i need to grow up.
but i dont see the "teasing" in mesg. and that why i posted it here...to see if any of u think his mesg. is "teasing"
Rabia...Im so sorry to hear of all this...may Allah swt shower you and your family with His blessings! Ameen!
I dont like the sound of the message and I got exactly what yout got out of it. Normally, I would text back saying something like "Did you tell Sunny why are never there for him? You should, much sadder!". But thats because Im not very patient with this type of attitude and I dont have an elder brother...not sure what your relationship is like with him.
You're doing a wonderful thing by being there for your family. From what I gather, Sam is the eldest. Knowing that, he should be the one running the house and taking care of YOU but you stepped up and that is admirable. I find it strange when people ignore how hard it is to be young and have so many responsibilities on your shoulders. I hope and pray things get better, Inshallah.
Rabia...Sam sounds like he was irritated and didnt want to be bothered. He may have said something to Sunny about it to make it seem like you were being negligent. You werent. In a way, its kind of your fault...read the whole thing...dont get upset yet. :) You've spoiled the people around you into thinking you're Wonder Woman, who can do anything and doesnt need any time for herself. Ive done it myself. No, thats not true. Everyone should be involved and helping out as much as possible. If I were you, I would take this as a lesson and start delegating tasks to other people to make them understand your brothers and mother are NOT only your responsibility. This will do two things: ease the burden from your shoulders a bit and give your family more people to depend on.
You're only human Rabia...you've got to live life too.
Give yourself time to kool down a little bit. Then do mention lightly that you were offended because you weren't there 1-time. Don't let it get into an argument.
^MKD, that’s he elder brother you are talking about. She doesn’t need to be rude to him or do any kind of batameezi. What he said in the text was him, she doesn’t need to act in the same manner.
Rabia, sorry to hear about what you guys are going through as a family. May Allah give you guys more patience and strength to deal with it better, and give Sunny a speedy recovery. My suggestion to you would be to just ignore the text. Maybe Sam was frustrated at the moment for one reason or another, and didn’t probably mean it that way. So, please don’t take it to heart, and continue being nice to everyone.
