We were average middle class family of pakistan who had become lower-middle and then lower class after 1997. Amongst siblings we are 3 brothers, and myself being the only sister. I am second from the eldest.
My eldest brother, who is now 31, has a good age gap between us three and him. When he was 23 had himself the most honorable education in Pakistan, and he literally lifted us to better financial board and living, single handedly since then.
Naturewise he is sharp in external affairs but to the family, he is very humble. He’d quickly know if someone is try to outsmart him and he’d willingly become a fool and forgive them the very second. His nature is really an easy one.
Usually it’s my father in home who has a say, but since my brother went extremely out of the way, that nobody had imagined, our father greatly respects him and usually agrees to him.
People in our family had realized about his qualities and they had started sending rishtas for him since he was 25. Around 26, we were receiving rishtas for him from unknown families as well. My mother turned them down all.
Here’s a little about my mother, she is an educated lady, but her other 4 sisters were married in really rich families, and she wasn’t, but since my eldest brother started to lift us financially, we were living a class matchable to theirs. My mother really liked this late recovery.
Our brother whos been residing in African country for 5 years now visited us Pakistan every year twice, or once. When he was 27 he asked, if we could find him a fix with someone, with some basic requirements that he laid out. My mother knowingly delayed the process, and I was always assisting my mother. Biggest fear my mother had was that we would lose this financial base.
Also, we covered up some rishtas, when we asked our father to not to tell him, We also stopped him from visiting certain relatives for the very reason. Infact, we laid out some good excuses.
Our brother had turned silent, not openly, but we could feel that emptiness in him, that he always tried to cover, whenever he visited us, because he was nice. Truth is we lost him infront of our eyes, caused him pain, and pretended that he didn’t figured out the game we played.
When he was 28, I was married, and my younger brother also got married to a girl he knew from his class.
From that point on, my mother still continued the same. Years went on.
Our brother visisted us one month back, he discussed with monther, father, about this girl, who he’s interested in marrying from his work place, one year younger to him, muslim of indian descent. With 4 year old daughter, and divorced when she was 8 months pregnant.
Good news, that brothers, livelyness attitude is back. And he is assured us she is as normal as we would get somebody who marrying for the first time.
My father supported and agreed with him instantly, my mother is going crazy over this and still not in favour of this. And say that it’s a curse on her as what she did was not right with his son.
I have spoken to that girl, and I approve of her. But I also think I too was not nice to my brother when I assisted my mother. And I think this might be the only chance I will get to make it right, so that I can live my life guilt free. Our brother did everything for us, he continues to do it and I know will not stop, but if he marrys that girl, we will kind of live our life with guilt stamps infront us our whole lives. There are still very to-die-for rishtas for him in pak, but I am not sure whether to allow him or to ask him to marry him here.
Re: brother
You're being unreasonable if you have a problem with him marrying the girl he's chosen.. you and your mother were also unreasonable in what you did before but what's done is done..
Your mother does not have the right to get upset now, if she does that's her problem imo
He's a grown man. Accept it or jog on
Re: brother
My 2 cents worth is that I am extremely happy for your brother that he stood up for himself. I have seen guys crossing 40 and mothers are not letting them get married because they are the only financial support of the family. Extremely selfish of mothers in my opinion.
Re: brother
And I think this might be the only chance I will get to make it right, so that I can live my life guilt free.
You are correct. This is the only chance you have to make things right for the man who did so much for you and your family. If you truly feel guilty for your selfish actions and want to make things right and live your life guilt free, then support your brother's choice. Stand 100% behind his decision to marry this woman because she makes him happy. For once, support your brother and allow him to do something that makes HIM happy and don't interfere. Not only should you let him marry his chosen woman but you should actually help him plan the wedding and help convince your mom that this is the best decision for him.
Re: brother
If the couple is committed and proposal has happened then it would be pure evil to come between them. The marriage is not Allah's curse at all. It will be for you and your mother if you interfere now because interference is a pretty bad deed. Even putting on a face and being sullen about it is going to go in the gunnah lane.
I also do not see the 'concern' for the brother now as any love for him but more selfishness to control his life. His happiness is still being sidelined for your family's feelings. What you and your mother feel is irrelevant. Your brother will probably never come back to Pakistan for more than a few days once a year. What Pakistani society says and does is useless for him. He will have a wife well settled in his country who makes him happy.
Re: brother
You have forced him to find someone for himself.
If you stop him again this time...you will lose his consideration as well.
Meaning, next time he will not ask you to consider his wife as a marriage candidate.
Next time, you will get a wedding invitation.
Its best not to push someone that far - especially since he has done so much for you.
Re: brother
We were average middle class family of pakistan who had become lower-middle and then lower class after 1997. Amongst siblings we are 3 brothers, and myself being the only sister. I am second from the eldest. My eldest brother, who is now 31, has a good age gap between us three and him. When he was 23 had himself the most honorable education in Pakistan, and he literally lifted us to better financial board and living, single handedly since then. Naturewise he is sharp in external affairs but to the family, he is very humble. He’d quickly know if someone is try to outsmart him and he’d willingly become a fool and forgive them the very second. His nature is really an easy one. Usually it’s my father in home who has a say, but since my brother went extremely out of the way, that nobody had imagined, our father greatly respects him and usually agrees to him. People in our family had realized about his qualities and they had started sending rishtas for him since he was 25. Around 26, we were receiving rishtas for him from unknown families as well. My mother turned them down all. Here’s a little about my mother, she is an educated lady, but her other 4 sisters were married in really rich families, and she wasn’t, but since my eldest brother started to lift us financially, we were living a class matchable to theirs. My mother really liked this late recovery. Our brother whos been residing in African country for 5 years now visited us Pakistan every year twice, or once. When he was 27 he asked, if we could find him a fix with someone, with some basic requirements that he laid out. My mother knowingly delayed the process, and I was always assisting my mother. Biggest fear my mother had was that we would lose this financial base. Also, we covered up some rishtas, when we asked our father to not to tell him, We also stopped him from visiting certain relatives for the very reason. Infact, we laid out some good excuses. Our brother had turned silent, not openly, but we could feel that emptiness in him, that he always tried to cover, whenever he visited us, because he was nice. Truth is we lost him infront of our eyes, caused him pain, and pretended that he didn’t figured out the game we played. When he was 28, I was married, and my younger brother also got married to a girl he knew from his class. From that point on, my mother still continued the same. Years went on. Our brother visisted us one month back, he discussed with monther, father, about this girl, who he’s interested in marrying from his work place, one year younger to him, muslim of indian descent. With 4 year old daughter, and divorced when she was 8 months pregnant. Good news, that brothers, livelyness attitude is back. And he is assured us she is as normal as we would get somebody who marrying for the first time. My father supported and agreed with him instantly, my mother is going crazy over this and still not in favour of this. And say that it’s a curse on her as what she did was not right with his son. I have spoken to that girl, and I approve of her. But I also think I too was not nice to my brother when I assisted my mother. And I think this might be the only chance I will get to make it right, so that I can live my life guilt free. Our brother did everything for us, he continues to do it and I know will not stop, but if he marrys that girl, we will kind of live our life with guilt stamps infront us our whole lives. There are still very to-die-for rishtas for him in pak, but I am not sure whether to allow him or to ask him to marry him here.
What is the issue?
Re: brother
what a horrible way to treat someone you supposedly love and care for....all he was to you was a cash cow. It's despicable the way you treated him and I already feel sorry for his wife + stepkids/future kids for having to deal w all of you..... so much greed..astagfirullah.
Also, your thought process/mentality is pretty disgusting as well, he likes her and is compatible with her...so what if she's divorced w a child? Talak-shuda aurtein bhi insaan hoti hain, and they can make good wives as well. I don't see how if he marries her, you'll feel guilty because he's marrying someone "inferior" and not "to die for"?
Shame on all of you for treating him this way...leave him be because none of you clearly have his best interests at heart
Re: brother
What is the issue?
bhai financially supported family and made them rich. '
mama's scared that if her son gets married, bahu will take all the $$ so she never got him married off.
Bhai, seeing that his family doesn't have any rishtas, is interested in marrying a woman he knows whos divorced w a child.
family/OP thinks the girl he's interested in is inferior.
Re: brother
What is the issue?
now they have gotten serious in getting their brother to the virgin bride who will not cut off their financial supply in any way, they want to make sure of it.
Secondly, they are fearing, bhai will always stay outside Pakistan, they will be the laughing stock of their relatives, whose daughters they have rejected.
thirdly, she is indian, they can't predict her.
Sad to say OP, people like your brother move the world, while people like you cause trouble. lt is harsh but realistic enough. .. sooner you get sensible, more it is better for you.
br greatful your brother has not left you while knowing the very truth, and has infact continued to support you.
Re: brother
I know the issue.
With said down to earth forgiving nature. No support from mom and sister but a backstab in return while asked to get married at the age of 28.
hdika, and your mom can make it right and allow him to settle with that girl.
Re: brother
I don't think I've read such a horrible post. Your brother is 31 now. THIRTY ONE. You wasted four years of his life because of greed. That's disgusting. Your mother should receive her financial stability from her HUSBAND not her son. Her maintainer and protector is her HUSBAND. I'm sorry to say but you and your mother have treated your brother in such a despicable manner. You should ask his forgiveness, respect and support his decision and do tauba to Allah that He forgives you.
As for you "allowing" your brother to get married, that in itself is just sheer arrogance and batameezi. He is your OLDER brother. You have no right to dictate how he lives his life. You should be ashamed of yourself.
And as for the comments on his chosen partner and how you think he can still get someone "to die for" have some bloody sharam.
Why didn't you get him one of these stunning girls when he asked for one? You just got married yourselves, you selfish stuck up, horrible people.
Call yourself a brother? Don't be ridiculous. I would never dare to treat my elder siblings with such disrespect and dishonour.
May Allah forgive me for my harsh words and may He grant your brother a loving spouse and children who will love, care and have mercy on him and be a coolness to his eyes and be a means of entering Jannah. Ameen.
Re: brother
ugh. I meant to like you post and accidentally disliked it. Sorry. Thanks for laying it out like it really is.
Re: brother
reading OP gave me creeps. Its not that it's horrible, but we have posters who come and as in situations for confusion, some have trouble caused by other, but how do we actually see, people coming out clean.
it's really a hard thing to do. I am in a medical profession, and I have seen people coming out clean and that;s not an easy thing to do.
I agree with most of the people here. But I really think, whatever you do, your brother is going to decide his own fate. He'll not stop at anything. He's shaped you people;s fate, he;s the one in charge.
Best of luck supporting him
Re: brother
Let him marry whoever he wants. He gave you guys everything and in return you guys acted as selfish as possible. Greed has no limits.
Re: brother
i'll add, for people abroad it might be a very odd story, but in pakistan it's very common, guys supports their family, no biggie, families keep them to themselves, not something new. its works well if both sides are balanced.
Re: brother
ugh. I meant to like you post and accidentally disliked it. Sorry. Thanks for laying it out like it really is.
same, meant to like the post but disliked it by mistake.
agree!
Re: brother
Read the OP.
Two words: greed, dishonesty
Re: brother
#koi-haya-bhi-hoti-hai](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=koi-haya-bhi-hoti-hai)
#koi-sharam-bhi-hoti-hai](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=koi-sharam-bhi-hoti-hai)