Guy is not going to turn GOOD, as u said he is from odd/strange family, and seems like he is worse, who can act all good and decent till he gets what he wants and then shows his true color...
If your sister is fine with all this, if you parents have not got any problem with all this, or if they want to wait for the miracle which would change the boy overnight.. then let it be.... if divorce is not in question or solution then i know a very good peer baba type of guy ( i saw his ad) all you need is get a some stick from Crow's nest, heart of owl, egg of ostrich, black sheep and cock with parents of both to be from the area your sister's husband is living, some kafoor and some more things... along with some money...
and abara ca dabra.... your sister's husband will be a better man... ( the ad says it all, i am just copy pasting)
So you are more concerned about haq meher and other things than your sisters future… when you said “theres alot more at stake though. its harder to actually go through with it.” you meant material things.
Seriously from your story… Divorce seems only solution… as he is already threatening her for divorce.
Like I have always said. 1 out of 3 cases on Life 1 the advice is always divorce.
So Divorce him. 33% of the time this is the only advice given on GS.
Perhaps you could offer some advice of your own. What do you think should be done in this situation?
yes, divorce sounds so easy. i wish it was. theres alot more at stake though. its harder to actually go through with it. in the mean time they are not on speaking terms. i do want to be the braver one and tell mum this advice, but im also worried about my sister. its a harrowing position to be in, a divorcee at 19.
What kinds of issues do you see with this divorce ?
in the case of khulla, does the girl get to keep everything even though she initiates divorce....even though its his fault.
im asking because these people are clever, the elder brother didnt give divorce either, he waited for the girl to get khulla.
Do not worry about some measly worldly possessions for a lifetime of happiness of little girl. Yes she is still a kid she is a teenager. Grow some spine to get your sister out of this mess. He his family will never change. He is an idiot and thinks that he is all mighty and powerful and can ruin her life by divorcing her. What a moron.
He isnt in uk, hes still in pakistan, and he doesnt want to come here, he wants her to come there and because she isnt, hes threatening her.
yes, divorce sounds so easy. i wish it was. theres alot more at stake though. its harder to actually go through with it. in the mean time they are not on speaking terms. i do want to be the braver one and tell mum this advice, but im also worried about my sister. its a harrowing position to be in, a divorcee at 19.
Please share what's "at stake" with this divorce? Why will it be "hard"? Is your sister in love with him? You still haven't shared what your sister actually wants to do.
And no, being a divorcee at 19 is not that bad of a position....especially a girl who's being educated in the UK and can build a life there. If your sister was living in a remote village in Pakistan with no education....then that's a different story.
She's "married" but they have no built a life together (heck they live in different CONTINENTS!). No kids, no "mutual" friends etc. So if there is the "best scenario" for a divorce....this is it.
And on a side note, I know 2 girls (1 of them being my best friend of 14 years) who's been through something very similar. They got married to their cousins "back home" b/c of family pressure and then returned to U.S. Things fell apart and divorce was filed. BOTH the girls are now married with kids.
The issue here is not whether or not divorce is "hard". The issue here is do you want your sister to spend her life living with a man who's threatening her? Do you want this man to be the father for her children? (this is a Q your sister needs to ask herself too)
in the case of khulla, does the girl get to keep everything even though she initiates divorce....even though its his fault.
im asking because these people are clever, the elder brother didnt give divorce either, he waited for the girl to get khulla.
My jaw literally dropped when I read this. I honestly can't believe you even asked this question! Really? Seriously? You sister's "husband" is making threats towards her and you're actually wondering if she'll get to keep material items if she initiates divorce??!!
If the husband is already threatening with divorce, then what's the problem?
If there's some other issue besides the material things due to which divorce is not possible, then why doesnt she live in pak? whats the big deal in living uk when the husband doesnt want to move there?
As for the family being crazy, didnt you know about them before marriage, they are your relatives.
When you guys didnt care about the lying FIL or the divorcee BIL before getting her married, why now?
my sister got married only because her MIL was suffering from kidney failure and was told she was not going to live long. my parents also agreed and so did she, altjhough i told them not to marry him, ( hes a cousin, mum is my mums sister), anyway so after all the stress they put us through, put my parents through, they begged us to marry her off to them shes only 19, she was studying, my mum said ok as long as goes back to uk and studies ( hes a pakistani) , they agreed,
now, hes threatening her with divorce, saying if she doesnt go back to pak, he will cut off all ties, he swears at her, he hacked into her friends facebook and email accounts, and told her she was yusing her friends account to chat to boys, he accused her of wearing jeans?? cheating, lieing etc etc and god knows what else. just because she isnt going back to pak. he hasnt got a job and he sits around all day hacking into peoples acclounts, he told her to give him the password for her email, otherwise he would get into it anyway. the whole family is nuts., the dad goes around lieing about everyone, the older brother is a divorcee twice, his second divorce was due to him having an affair with the wife sister.....sick.
anyway, im worried for my sister,shes only 19, yes its my parents fault for marrying her off just for a sick woman, who died in may by the way, they married in april, the guys 25. but apart from blaming my parents who had good intentions, i dont know what to tell her or advise her. hes a nutcase.
hacking is a crime right? even in pak? i know in uk it is.
why Don't your sis start threatening him back with divorce?
A lot of ppl seem to think no matter how crazy the relatives are in the end they will always treat you better than a stranger cos of family ties.. Brainwashing at its best :k:
OP, if you all want her to stay in this crazy situation for fear of losing material things or cultural stigma or whatever you have no-one else to blame if/when things get even worse.. Am wondering what your parents are doing in all of this, trying to help her or just standing by doing nothing?? They have a duty to help fix this mess..
gguess u guys are right, hes now sworn at my mum, and his dads shouting down the phone. apparently the kids in their family swear at their own parents, so whose my mum to them. my dads getting ill because of this, i dont know what to do. i want her to just get khulla i suppose. but its up to her.
have them both write out what they want out of life and from each other, share it with each other and see if they can come to an agreement, this may need some expert marriage counseling for some time, in that time it is critical that she does not get pregnant. there has to be milestones set on meeting expectations and meeting them consistently assuming that there was an agreement from both sides on what they are.
This does not have to be drawn out, maybe total of 6 months with interim milestones.
if that does not work, walk away.
PS: becoming a doormat is always an option i suppose, seen many ppl take that option too, although its not advisable
