Guy is not going to turn GOOD, as u said he is from odd/strange family, and seems like he is worse, who can act all good and decent till he gets what he wants and then shows his true color…
If your sister is fine with all this, if you parents have not got any problem with all this, or if they want to wait for the miracle which would change the boy overnight.. then let it be… if divorce is not in question or solution then i know a very good peer baba type of guy ( i saw his ad) all you need is get a some stick from Crow’s nest, heart of owl, egg of ostrich, black sheep and cock with parents of both to be from the area your sister’s husband is living, some kafoor and some more things… along with some money…
and abara ca dabra… your sister’s husband will be a better man… ( the ad says it all, i am just copy pasting)
So you are more concerned about haq meher and other things than your sisters future… when you said “theres alot more at stake though. its harder to actually go through with it.” you meant material things.
Seriously from your story… Divorce seems only solution… as he is already threatening her for divorce.
What kinds of issues do you see with this divorce ?
Do not worry about some measly worldly possessions for a lifetime of happiness of little girl. Yes she is still a kid she is a teenager. Grow some spine to get your sister out of this mess. He his family will never change. He is an idiot and thinks that he is all mighty and powerful and can ruin her life by divorcing her. What a moron.
Please share what’s “at stake” with this divorce? Why will it be “hard”? Is your sister in love with him? You still haven’t shared what your sister actually wants to do.
And no, being a divorcee at 19 is not that bad of a position…especially a girl who’s being educated in the UK and can build a life there. If your sister was living in a remote village in Pakistan with no education…then that’s a different story.
She’s “married” but they have no built a life together (heck they live in different CONTINENTS!). No kids, no “mutual” friends etc. So if there is the “best scenario” for a divorce…this is it.
And on a side note, I know 2 girls (1 of them being my best friend of 14 years) who’s been through something very similar. They got married to their cousins “back home” b/c of family pressure and then returned to U.S. Things fell apart and divorce was filed. BOTH the girls are now married with kids.
The issue here is not whether or not divorce is “hard”. The issue here is do you want your sister to spend her life living with a man who’s threatening her? Do you want this man to be the father for her children? (this is a Q your sister needs to ask herself too)
My jaw literally dropped when I read this. I honestly can’t believe you even asked this question! Really? Seriously? You sister’s “husband” is making threats towards her and you’re actually wondering if she’ll get to keep material items if she initiates divorce??!!
If the husband is already threatening with divorce, then what’s the problem?
If there’s some other issue besides the material things due to which divorce is not possible, then why doesnt she live in pak? whats the big deal in living uk when the husband doesnt want to move there?
As for the family being crazy, didnt you know about them before marriage, they are your relatives.
When you guys didnt care about the lying FIL or the divorcee BIL before getting her married, why now?
A lot of ppl seem to think no matter how crazy the relatives are in the end they will always treat you better than a stranger cos of family ties.. Brainwashing at its best :k:
OP, if you all want her to stay in this crazy situation for fear of losing material things or cultural stigma or whatever you have no-one else to blame if/when things get even worse.. Am wondering what your parents are doing in all of this, trying to help her or just standing by doing nothing?? They have a duty to help fix this mess..
gguess u guys are right, hes now sworn at my mum, and his dads shouting down the phone. apparently the kids in their family swear at their own parents, so whose my mum to them. my dads getting ill because of this, i dont know what to do. i want her to just get khulla i suppose. but its up to her.
have them both write out what they want out of life and from each other, share it with each other and see if they can come to an agreement, this may need some expert marriage counseling for some time, in that time it is critical that she does not get pregnant. there has to be milestones set on meeting expectations and meeting them consistently assuming that there was an agreement from both sides on what they are.
This does not have to be drawn out, maybe total of 6 months with interim milestones.
if that does not work, walk away.
PS: becoming a doormat is always an option i suppose, seen many ppl take that option too, although its not advisable
