Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
Don’t yell at him, he is a teenager and they tend not to listen to elders/parents and more to their friends/peers which is norm. He might be/still is hanging with the wrong people and perhaps has a “bully” as a role model … befriending him because of what has happen will make him more distant. Why don’t try knowing what is lifestyle is like, people he hangs out with?
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
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Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
Although not reported often, but a milder form of this occurs in many homes where there are mostly older brothers (stronger sex) and younger sisters (weaker sex). The extent to which this occurs is usually slight, that is why most siblings grow out of it and forget it as something naïve done out of curiosity. Unfortunately in your brothers case it looks lot more than mere curiosity, mentally disturbing your sisters and the whole household. This might not apply in your case, but sibling incest is also commonly found in strict families where men play the dominating role and women are kind of suppressed or where kids have witnessed some form of parental abuse where husbands physically abuse their wives infront of their kids. Usually when older brothers are given a lot of responsibility specially at an early age to the women in the house, they start having a kind ofsuperiority complex infront of their younger sisters and start dominating and controlling them in every aspect. I think you are the oldest in the house and as u left home for further studies, your little brother probably felt that now it is his responsibility to look after the younger sisters leading him to control your sisters lives in whatever way he can or maybe your parents have put a lot of pressure on him as being the oldest in the house after you… not to forget, he is 14- the puberty age where he is probably exploring more about sex and definitely has access to pornography. The best thing for you right now is to spend as much time with him as possible, when the whole family is against him,befriend him. Then try talking him into seeing a psychiatrist. Your sisters also need to get checked out and go in for some therapy as well. And when the psychiatrist feels it necessary, your whole family should go in for therapy…. I pray that your family get out of this mess… inshaAllah.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
I just started reading the thread. And first of all I would like to convey my sympathy for your sister’s and rest of the family. This is indeed a very traumatic event and in this blessed month I will specially remember your family in my prayers. That being said I would try to find out more of who your brother is befriending. Something is triggering his need to explore his sexual side. Maybe his friends are already into this stuff or maybe he’s watching the wrong shows. I’d start with my best to have someone take him under his wing and be a better influence on him. Religious influence, if by the right people can be a very positive life changing experience. But I agree with all the above too, all three your sisters and brother need to see a psychiatrist.
As for your sisters please do talk to them. let them know they can tell how they feel and not to have to keep it bottled inside. Let them know your their for them. Also talk to your parents and try to come up with a constructive response.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
I am so upset to hear this story and so sorry for what your family is going through.
I am very proud of your sisters for speaking up. It is rare that the victim in these cases has the courage to speak up and share this kind of trauma, even with close family. The fact that there is this open communication between them and your parents (and you) is great, and I hope that it is able to continue because it will help them heal. Make sure that they don’t feel forever “damaged” and “stained.” Make sure that others don’t see them that way. Help them to move beyond this painful and troubling experience and see everything else they have in their lives. Make sure they don’t get defined by this event.
As for your brother, I just don’t know. He certainly needs help. I don’t know that he should be in the same house as your sisters. But I don’t know that kicking him out is right either. This is very difficult, and I understand your own confusion and concerns. Do get help for yourself and for your family members. If you are at all able to delay returning to school, maybe that would be a good idea, to help your family through the worst part of this ordeal.
I pray that you find help and a way to move beyond all of this.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
14 saal ki umer main sexually abuse kerna aata hay??? I don’t agree he should be shunned, left alone, etc etc, but I am just curious to know from all of you who say, he is really young, to itni young age main sex ka matlab pata hay usay?? aur uske baad ye bhi pata hay ke kese apni behno ka moonh chup kerwana hay…dhamkiyan bhi dene aati hain??? harkaten to saari baron wali ki hain usne… agar apni umer se barh ker harkaten ker sakta hay, to apni umer se barh ke saza kyun haasil nahin ker sakta???
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
I know I’m quoting a lot of people, but I need all the help I can get. Being 18, and having absolutely NO help from my parents, this is very tough and painful.
I had the biggest talk with him today. I told him that what he did was a crime, that he raped his father’s daughters, and my sisters. I layed it out for him: He is going to get kicked out of the house, and he is a disgusting person. Then I gave him his options. He has no choice but to change himself, and make certain that he never does what he did again. After speaking with him, I finally understood that he needs guidance. He didn’t have answers to the simplest questions: So, when should I start studying? Will so and so happen if I do so and so … are these my options … can my life change … and so on. He really really needs someone to spend time with him, and he needs to get away from his friends. I found out what made him do it. Back when we lived in a house 5-10 minutes away from our current one, we had a neighbour who was slightly above my brother’s age. I always knew he wouldn’t make anything out of his life, but what I didn’t know is that he would instruct my brother to performing these ‘‘acts’’ with his siblings inside the washroom, because according to this vile person, “he wouldn’t get caught.” He told him that they’ll never find out. I bet he also told him to threaten his siblings the way I found out my brother did. Sadly though, after doing it the first time, my brother said he enjoyed it and couldn’t stop. This is very unfortunate, because it indicates a weakness on his part. It can change. He says he feels disgusted by himself, and knows he made a big mistake. I let him know that some mistakes aren’t forgotten, a simple apology won’t do anything here. That he has to face the consequences now, and live a tougher life because of his actions.
In addition to all of this, I told him I would help him IF he is willing to change himself. My father is ready to disown him, he said he would write his name in the newspaper saying that he’s no longer responsible for him or his actions. I told my brother that this will be an obstacle, but if he changes himself completely, for the better, when I return next year, I will help him. Provided that he studies his hardest now though, since this is all he has. He is going to face a lot of hindrances the next year and a half.
As for my sisters, I didn’t know they were as damaged as they are. Listening to them is painful, and knowing that my parents won’t be doing anything is worse. I have to spend time with them, let them know that all this was a mistake, and that it’ll be all right. It’s slightly difficult communicating with the younger one (5 years). Plus, she’s having negative thoughts about the experience… The older is cooperative, and understanding.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
I don’t know why people are bringing up the age factor… that is a baseless argument. Bad is bad no matter how old you are. You are punishable for a crime you have committed whether you are 10 or 100. Children who steal, assault, and sometimes even murder are punished, so why is this guy exempt from facing the consequences of his actions?
As for calling my sentiments ‘melodramatic’, that is typical desi fashion I guess for pakistanis to consider any kind of passion or sympathy for girls and CHILDREN who are victims of sex abuse to be over the top. Just because they may not have visible physical wounds everyone is taking it lightly. If a 14 year old brother were to stab one of his siblings… would there be the same reaction? No police called, no physical examination?
He is a sexual deviant and statistics prove these people DO NOT CHANGE. Keeping him in the same house is invitation for him to do it again, and that is absolutely VILE AND DISGUSTING.
If I were those two sisters and I saw my one neutral sibling, the elder brother going and befriending my abuser and being all nice-nice to him I think it would be a huge slap in the face and pouring of salt on my wounds. No one seems to really get it here, and I don’t understand WHY!
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
tempA- Um, the only way anyone else can be blamed is if someone put a gun to his head and told him to do it. I’m sorry but according to what you wrote above… thats not an excuse that someone else taught him… so you mean to tell me if his little buddy told him to go kill people and that he wouldn’t get caught he would do that too?? Gimme a break 
He’s old enough to know right and wrong!
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
I completely agree with RainbowFluff, the brother has to be handed into the police. There’s no excuse for it. How are the sisters supposed to deal with and move on from what has happened if they are seeing their abuser every day. Also there is a chance that he will do it again if he is still living in the same house. As for kicking him out, then I would avoid that because what if he does it to someone else?
As for the sisters I would get them help from a professional as well as all the family supporting them and making sure that they don’t think that it’s their fault. As someone who works with kids on a daily basis I have seen first hand how sexual abuse affects them for the rest of their lives and how in some cases they tend to think that it’s their fault, which it’s not.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
OMG, I did not realize that your brother has raped them multiple times! I assumed it was something (relatively) less serious like innapropriate exposure.
In this context, he needs some serious fear instilled in him. Let him face the consequences of his actions - 14 is old enough to understand the difference between right and wrong. And raping a 5 year old child is just despicable! Yes call the cops on him - he’s a juvenile so he probably won’t be arrested, but facing the music with cops involved will be a good lesson for him that his family will not condone such behaviour.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
You are getting no help from your parents, and you really aren’t in a position to handle this on your own. You cannot leave for months and trust the promise of someone with clear problems understanding the difference between right and wrong. Your sisters are not safe in the house; neither are other children who may be around him. You have to contact an authority figure – I think you said the family is in Pakistan. I don’t know how the system works there. But you need to report and address this issue with the help of police or social services or something. Please do not cover it up and try to handle it yourself.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
where is the mother? She should be talking and keeping an eye on your sisters. . I assumed you are a guy and thought the girls won’t trust/ close with the opposite gender after what had happen to them ..
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
I think if you file a case in paki, your sister’s info will be in the record, which may not be good for them. Please send him away somewhere… like boarding school over there.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
Oh just shut up with that. As a CM I am meant to be calm but don’t you dare question my hatred for abusers and rapists ever again, you do not know me at all on a personal level nor do you know anyone who I know who have suffered through disgusting abuse, so leave your expert analysis about what kind of person I am in your head, otherwise we can all resort to this attitude and trust me pal desis are very good at that too 
Can you not understand my post or do you fail at basic reading when I said people very close to me have suffered abuse as children so I know the deep pain his family must be in and the hate I have for scum and vermin who abuse others. But how the hell can the guy even throw his brother to our dear Pakistani police? How many people do you know who turn on their own family members? I don’t know about you but having been in the legal profession for years I have yet to come across someone who’s had their kid brothers arrested, have you? So to even give an advice like that which the OP won’t follow smacks of laughable ignorance. It will have to happen but right now the guy is distraught so to expect him to do this is foolishness
Stop and think for one second before coming off as all high and mighty. Where has anyone said his brother is exempt from punishment? The guy has ruined two baby girls lives and he will pay for it one day. That’s called karma too. This is what I wrote earlier too:
''This behavior would likely manifest into something more terrible. What if he goes out and rapes a woman when he’s more older and ruins another family? It needs to be stopped’’
You can atleast pretend you read everyone’s posts before acting a know-it-all
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
My sisters are very close to me, closer than they are to my mother and father at times. I’ve loved them and cared for them since they were children, and as a result, they carry unwarranted respect for me. They’re willing to listen to whatever advice I may offer them. Still, I cannot replace their parents, nor can I assume that I have the right advice every time. There is a problem with my mother ‘‘being a mother.’’ That’s harsh to say, but true.
I spoke with my father tonight, after speaking with my brother (not concurrently). He listened to what I had to say, and is much more cooperative than I thought (he is their father after all. It’s his bad grooming habits that get in the way.). He wants me to teach my brother and make sure that he changes his attitude, since he’s not up to the task. I was also told to make him read the thoughts of the people on this thread, so that he may see the anger people have for his appalling behaviour.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
I don’t think there is anything in Pakistan that resembles a working social services. Nor can he hand him to the police, we all know how thanaydaars are like in Pakistan. Nor do I think his parents will go the police and say arrest our son. So the best option right now is to NOT have that rapist in the house and to have the poor sisters given help ASAP. If this does not happen their lives will be ruined forever.
Also he has to investigate why did it happen, sure 14 is old enough to know right and wrong but 14 is still someone who is a child, there is a chance he was abused as a kid too but someone he knew or maybe someone who is a friend to him is abusing others too in which case some more innocent girl’s life is being ruined as well.
Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
i’m just shocked
Allah apko or apki fam ko aisi Situation k saath sahi Deal Karne ki taufeeq Ata farmayae
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
A “friend” of his (I remember this person. No father in the house, he likely acts as the man-in-charge) told him to do it to his siblings in the washroom, since he wouldn’t get caught. Now obviously my brother should know right from wrong, and I’m in no way simply blaming this person he knows/knew as of today, but this is where it started. My stupid brother seems to take guidance, be it right or wrong, from anyone but his parents, or experienced adults.
Father says that the young ones need to simply “forget” what happened, and they’ll eventually come to terms with this case. He can’t have them going around speaking of what happened whenever they like. Understandable from his side, but this means convincing him + mother to offer them therapy is difficult, if not impossible. Plus no one simply “forgets”. I know of a female who was abused. After passing her twenties, she still recalls the incident and is slightly afraid it might affect her sexual life. Don’t know when it happened to her, but the consequences are evident. Household separation doesn’t seem to be an option here, either. I’m only a son with limited power, and right now my options are trying to change my mother’s stupid mindset and habits, to make sure she speaks with them, while attempting to discuss this incident with my sisters myself.
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Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
Your mother hasn’t spoken to them about this?