S02
July 12, 2013, 7:44pm
32
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
I know I’m quoting a lot of people, but I need all the help I can get. Being 18, and having absolutely NO help from my parents, this is very tough and painful.
I had the biggest talk with him today. I told him that what he did was a crime, that he raped his father’s daughters, and my sisters. I layed it out for him: He is going to get kicked out of the house, and he is a disgusting person. Then I gave him his options. He has no choice but to change himself, and make certain that he never does what he did again. After speaking with him, I finally understood that he needs guidance. He didn’t have answers to the simplest questions: So, when should I start studying? Will so and so happen if I do so and so … are these my options … can my life change … and so on. He really really needs someone to spend time with him, and he needs to get away from his friends. I found out what made him do it. Back when we lived in a house 5-10 minutes away from our current one, we had a neighbour who was slightly above my brother’s age. I always knew he wouldn’t make anything out of his life, but what I didn’t know is that he would instruct my brother to performing these ‘‘acts’’ with his siblings inside the washroom, because according to this vile person, “he wouldn’t get caught.” He told him that they’ll never find out. I bet he also told him to threaten his siblings the way I found out my brother did. Sadly though, after doing it the first time, my brother said he enjoyed it and couldn’t stop. This is very unfortunate, because it indicates a weakness on his part. It can change. He says he feels disgusted by himself, and knows he made a big mistake. I let him know that some mistakes aren’t forgotten, a simple apology won’t do anything here. That he has to face the consequences now, and live a tougher life because of his actions.
In addition to all of this, I told him I would help him IF he is willing to change himself. My father is ready to disown him, he said he would write his name in the newspaper saying that he’s no longer responsible for him or his actions. I told my brother that this will be an obstacle, but if he changes himself completely, for the better, when I return next year, I will help him. Provided that he studies his hardest now though, since this is all he has. He is going to face a lot of hindrances the next year and a half.
As for my sisters, I didn’t know they were as damaged as they are. Listening to them is painful, and knowing that my parents won’t be doing anything is worse. I have to spend time with them, let them know that all this was a mistake, and that it’ll be all right. It’s slightly difficult communicating with the younger one (5 years). Plus, she’s having negative thoughts about the experience… The older is cooperative, and understanding.
You are getting no help from your parents, and you really aren’t in a position to handle this on your own. You cannot leave for months and trust the promise of someone with clear problems understanding the difference between right and wrong. Your sisters are not safe in the house; neither are other children who may be around him. You have to contact an authority figure – I think you said the family is in Pakistan. I don’t know how the system works there. But you need to report and address this issue with the help of police or social services or something. Please do not cover it up and try to handle it yourself.