Re: Broken Engagement
What I don’t get is how these people can just be so selfish. It’s like the minute they walk through your door it’s like there is no one like them, but when you get to know them then you realise how they really are. Some ppl just don’t have that fear of Allah swt any more. I totally relate to your pain. It’s hard, the thing that got to me most was how humiliating it was for my family. And what even more sickening is how cowardly they acted in end. Any normal family person would sit down and talk things through but clearly these people didn’t have any family values whatsoever
Yeah, it’s baffling.
^ They genuinely do not feel they did anything wrong. In that mom’s perspective she was probably trying to be honest with you, and she felt that her son being her son, even if wrong, she has to support him in what he feels. Most families - the moms will side with their kid even if the kid is screwing up his own relationship. It’s not right, and it shouldn’t work out that way, but it often does. She probably felt her interfering was actually not interfering, she thought she was helping the two of you.
If you see it from the perspective that the oppposite side weren’t deliberately trying to be tools, but that their actions in their minds seem normal, then you realize that maybe their hearts were in the wrong place, but that they didn’t realize how offputting their behavior was.
Since marriage is based on compatibility, I think your way of solving problems and way of thinking and acting, even if everyone thinks they’re right, needs to be on the same wavelength for the relationship to work.
You don’t want to be with someone that acts/reacts to situations very differently than YOU, to the point that it will leave you with your mouth hanging open. Now for some other girl , this family might be suitable, because maybe that girl and her family act like these guys do, and to them it’s normal.
We can only pray that Allah has made someone as nutty as us, to be our mates.
Baqi, everything is about compromise, and loving each other, and putting effort into a relationship. Seems like you did what you could from your side, it’s just that the “jori” wasn’t the right jori. It wasn’t a match. Doesn’t mean either one of you are “wrong”, it’s just that the understanding and compatibility wasn’t there because you’re two very different people.
Yep, that’s what I learned. People handle conflict/challenges VERY differently. And what you perceive to be “normal” may be very different than what another family does. Some families (like mine) yell and scream and then we’re all back to normal 5 mins later; other families don’t talk about it and just move on; and some other families just disappear. I figured that if that was the way they handled conflict PRE-MARRIAGE , it would’ve driven me insane to marry into that type of family because I don’t handle being ignored very well. So we were “incompatible”.