Do you ladies work on teaching your sons the habits that will make them more organized and with a mind-set that chores are not supposed to be divided into ‘aurtoan ka kaam’ and ‘aadmioan ka kaam’ ? My sons love to help cleaning with me, dusting etc, mopping and most of all,the elder one LOVES to help in kitchen. My husband sometimes tells him ‘tum kya larkioan walay kaam kar rahay ho?’ and I feel there is no harm in making it sound like fun ? Is it wrong ?
Re: Bringing up ‘sughhar’ sons ?
Yeap definitely!
They help with setting the table and take their dishes to the sink after they are done. My son recently offered to wash em too but since that would have ended in a bigger mess I forbade him to do so. 
Other than this he takes out his outfit for the next day before going to bed and packs his snack for school as well. Sometimes he does it all on his own, other times has to be reminded a few times, we are getting there though.
My husband washes dishes with his mom, did ghotna of different foods when his mom was cooking, made breakfast and chai for her. I grew up with a dad who could cook, do housework , iron, clean, make food. My bro can do the same. If anything it is something to be proud of. I will make sure that my boys take part in household chores and can fend for themselves as well as be an active member of a home.
Downside to these kind of men , they can live without women. :s
Re: Bringing up ‘sughhar’ sons ?
i’m a sughaR man lol 
i learned all by myself.
actually, my mom passed away when i was only 9 and she left behind my sister 5 ans 1.5 years old…i had to share the responsibility to raise the two siblings and i remember changing her diaper, readying her bottle, putting her to bed, playing with her, washing dishes, sweeping the floor…i did everything along with my older sisters…slowly and slowly i learned how to run the house and raise kids…i learned it all in less than 2 years…i never learned cooking though…when i came to Canada, i learned making some of the Italian and Mexican food for my niece and nephew who i LOVE immensely and who love me back and love my cooking! 
thank God! i a’m so sughaR masha Allah and ready to get married but no girl has seen me in action in my kitchen so my talent is largely hidden i hope someday someone special will barge in my kitchen and after seeing me there will propose to me right in the kitchen! 
Re: Bringing up ‘sughhar’ sons ?
Yah It’s definitely a skill for boys to be hands-on in the kitchen setting, nothing should be labelled as a ‘gender’ thing anymore; unless a man wants to give birth then I would be extremely worried.
My brothers grew up doing as much as work us girls did around the house, perhaps because my abbu helped out a lot, my youngest brother who was in grade 5 at the time would come home on his lunch break to make my mom an omelette with chai because she was studying for her Microsoft certification exam (this was in the mid 90s) oh man the memories 
And he just got married and of course his wife couldn’t be happier mA 
My husband lived on his own from university and moved out at 21, he is self taught oh his own, makes the bed even like at the hotels…that’s a little too much sughaarr-pan
Re: Bringing up ‘sughhar’ sons ?
yes definitely! all three of my boys have regular chores, including kitchen tasks like emptying the dishwasher..setting and clearing the table..sweeping. when they show an interest in what i’m cooking (usually when i’m baking cookies or cupcakes, go figure lol) I let them help out.
pretty soon, i’ll start teaching them how to use the washer machine and dryer so that they can start doing their own laundry too 
Re: Bringing up ‘sughhar’ sons ?
I used to help my mom with silaai machine…and then i grew up 
Re: Bringing up ‘sughhar’ sons ?
Nothing wrong with it!
My high schooler has been doing his laundry for a few years now, will also wash other laundry, bed sheets, towels, dish/kitchen cloths too. Puts away his own laundry, does his own ironing.
He has his set chores in the kitchen, which is something his poor Dad did not know growing up. Dad does his bit now AH.
Seems like my MIL may have issues with my son being a bit too familiar with chores, but she has learnt to accept it now.
I would like my son to cook, and it is something he wants to do.
I have a Pakistani friend who has an 18 year old only child; a son. MA, she has taught him how to cook all the basic and difficult Desi food, even rotis. I was amazed seeing him rolling out the rotis, and thinking “I’ve recently learnt how to make rotis”. And mA, he just got into med school!
Re: Bringing up ‘sughhar’ sons ?
yep my husband grew up with the mother who woke them up to make sehri with her for the family.. it’s in my son’s genes!
He is 2 and he helps me with cleaning, loading utensils in the dishwasher, wiping chairs and tables if something is spilled and I have to admit he is pretty good at it. My husband cooks great but he is not a a good cleaner.. but he is getting into the habit of cleaning up after himself so our son can follow him. 
Re: Bringing up ‘sughhar’ sons ?
good job ladies.
but while teaching boys don’t forget about the girls. now a days girls don’t do any house chores.
Re: Bringing up ‘sughhar’ sons ?
lol that is so true 
which is why we need to stress the boys to learn all this stuff..future may apna aap tau sambhaal hee layngay naa
Re: Bringing up ‘sughhar’ sons ?
lol yeah…aur ab laRkoN ke maaN baap ko beToN kaa jahez bhii bachpane se jii ikaTThaa karnaa shuru kar denaa chaahiye!
Re: Bringing up ‘sughhar’ sons ?
kyun? jahez kub se shadi ki sunnat may shamil ho gya? better to make the sons able enough te take care of their responsibilities on their own rather than depending on jahez or expecting it!
Re: Bringing up ‘sughhar’ sons ?
i didn’t say it’s sunnat!
today’s parents have to arrange for jahez to get a better rishta for their daughters even if those daughters are high qualified and in good jobs. if the situation is reversed where girls’ parents can dictate the better terms of rishta [asking for more and more jahez] then same thing will happen with men. they will have to give jahez to girls to get better rishtas
Re: Bringing up ‘sughhar’ sons ?
yup… my son helps out…if u live in the house…u gotta help out.
on a diff note… whats more worrying is how some mothers are raising non sughar daughters. and just dont see the wring in that…
know an aunty so against girls helpin out at home.. her daughters sit idle and gers her sons to do everything. awesome for their wives but pity the husbands of such daughters. :o
it shohldnt be a gender issue… if u live somewhere..u keep it clean. diff between man and animal. simple.
i didn’t say it’s sunnat!
today’s parents have to arrange for jahez to get a better rishta for their daughters even if those daughters are high qualified and in good jobs. if the situation is reversed where girls’ parents can dictate the better terms of rishta [asking for more and more jahez] then same thing will happen with men. they will have to give jahez to girls to get better rishtas
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Some Arabs already do that !! The groom has to prove he’s able to have a wife and run a household by setting up and decorating a complete unit where the couple can live after marriage.
Lol khawa that’s true but unfortunately the “cultural norms” teach that a girl is supposed to take care of ghar and the boy has to take care of bahir ka kaam AND IF the guy is not earning enough to run the household (because mehngaai bahut hai) then the wife is SUPPOSED to share the financial burden lekin phir bhi the guy is not taught to help with her primary responsibilities. We need to amend this mindset I guess.
Re: Bringing up ‘sughhar’ sons ?
Speaking of daughters, I am blessed with a very responsible one mA.
In fact I don’t even know where she gets all that sense of responsibility from, I was nothing like her at her age. She is the most well organized person in the house.
Re: Bringing up ‘sughhar’ sons ?
This is OT, but would YOU/ your family allow /you to marry a woman whose family gave no jahez? Just wondering.
I have pretty highly qualified daughters academically and in Islamic knowledge. There is always some issue, ie that we reside in a small house, or something or other. I will not be giving jahez to any of my daughters , because giving my daughter in marriage is enough. My parenst did not give jahez for me or my sisters, nor accept jahez for my bhabhis, 'cept one who insisted on the bedroom set which is stuck in Pakistan gathering dust while she resides in the UK.
Re: Bringing up ‘sughhar’ sons ?
Many Arabs do this. I have quite a few Arab friends, and every single female went into a purchased house/apt or a rented dwelling; each dwelling was fully furnished, by the man.
really good to hear that you were such a responsible child. Losing your mom is tough, that too at such a young age. May Allah grant her jannat.