A bride who got the police to arrest her bridegroom has become something of a celebrity in India.
Nisha Sharma, 21, called the police after her father was asked for more dowry money just minutes before her wedding ceremony. The custom of dowry is outlawed in India although it is still widely practised.
Her plucky decision has won widespread media coverage and she says she has received offers of marriage from men who support her courage. Ms Sharma’s call to the police took place after her brother warned her that a scuffle had broken out between the two families. He told her that the groom had assaulted her father and asked for some $25,000 in cash as dowry.
The groom has since been arrested and the police are looking for other members of the family who are missing. The giving and accepting of dowry is a punishable offence in India and can lead to imprisonment.
Nisha Sharma’s action has got her widespread media attention, with the front-pages of most national dailies featuring her story. A radio show in Delhi, carrying a long interview with her, has presented her as a role model for other young women in distress. Her house in a sprawling Delhi suburb is buzzing with visitors - a great many from the media but also women activists, neighbours and other well wishers who want to congratulate her. Inside her house, she sits on the floor surrounded by people patiently queuing up to speak to her in person.
Despite the attention, she says she is proud of what she has done. “It has robbed me of my voice - all this constant re-telling of my story - but I am loving every second of it because I do believe it is something young girls and women in general need to know about,” she tells the BBC. Her mother and aunt who sit close by protectively nod in agreement.
Nisha says she has received several letters from prospective suitors who say they would be honoured to marry her because she has been so brave. She is also reported to have been approached by one political party which wants her to stand as its representative in state elections. But she brushes off both offers lightly. She says she is happy to have got out of an ugly situation and that all she can think of at the moment is completing her graduation.
How funny is that. Anyhow, its strange how in India it is the girl who has to give the guy a dowry :D while in Islam it is the guy who HAS to give the girl a dowry.
i just asked my Ammi about that and she said it’s accurate - but i have NEVER heard of any family within my relatives who did that. Why. When one of my first cousins got married several years ago, her family (my aunt) gave the groom’s family new furniture, appliances and furnishings - not to mention paying the expensive downpayment on their first home. The guy’s side of the family gave the girl’s family a few shalwar kameezes i think, and that was it. Even for my eldest sister’s marriage - we gave the guy’s side of the family quite a bit, i don’t remember them giving us anything. It’s not that i am materialistic - but i don’t see that principle of Islam being implemented in these particular types of cases.
What a messed up world. It’s times like those that i agree with you Majestic - just better not to get married in the first place rather than go through all that bs.
Majestic... atleast in Pakistan, guys do give wedding gift (or haq-mehar) to their bride, but it is separate from the dowry given to the girl (or the new couple) by her parents. Even the Prophet (Sallalah O Alaihai Wassalam) gave simple gifts to Hazrat Fatima and Hazrat Ali on their wedding (household stuff to help them set up their new home).
The reason big dowries were given in the Hindu culture, was because daughter's did not had any part in their father's inheritance, and so all the father wanted to give had to be given in his life-time and he'll give it all at her wedding. In Islam, daughters do share in the inheritance (albeit less than sons), even then, due to inter-mingling of Hindus and Muslims over a long term, excessive dowries are given in Pakistan.
On to the main topic in this thread.. good for the girl. The bridegroom must be a real loser to break out into a fist-fight with his father-in-law over how much dowry he should get.
Sorry I ment to say MEHR you are right and I was wrong. And Faisal I know, with us the parents give THEIR daughter gifts, however, I have never heard of the females parents giving gifts to the guy.
Nadia that is crazy, with “some” arabs the girls family wants soo much more, and with some pakistanis its the guys family who wants soo much more. As a Muslim female, I think we should only be giving mahr thats it. IF I was to get married, I know my family will give me gifts as they have with graduations and other stuff, thats fine, and I do not want his family to give me ANYTHING, I mean if they want to give US a wedding gift thats fine, if not thats fine also. However, I also will not give the guy or his family anything. I mean if I chose to give him a gift or his parents, or something small like that, then thats my choice, however give him or his family something so that he can marry me, oh plzzzzzz no way.
If I would to get married I am not into all those huge per wedding parties, that big wedding party, the fancy clothes, the fancy jewlery or anything like that. However as a Muslim mahr is a must. And even that can be anything he likes it to be and I agree on.
The best part of Islam is that simple is always better and thats how I would like to live.
Masha’Allah i am so glad i read that, Majestic. It makes me feel honoured to consider you a friend on Gupshup. This is merely my personal opinion and nothing more, but i hate lavish, big wedding parties, fancy jewellery, the most expensive shalwar kameezes, fancy this and fancy that.
Simplicity breeds contentment. With all that ‘showbaazi’ and materialism, i think there is the possibility of forever losing the essence of what it truly means to get married.
I could’nt agree with you more :k: I mean today the real meaning of being and getting married has been lost. People tend to see with their eyes and not with their hearts. People today see with culture and not with religion, they see with money and not with love. Islam is the worlds most wonderful and amazing religions, soo beautiful soo much full of love, however, down the line, people tend to forget about everything that Islam has taught us. This is sad indeed, that is why marriage does not seem like a big deal to me, and not really into it.
I used to want a great big huge wedding, but I’m starting to wonder ‘why’? I’m seriously considering asking my parents for a minimal no-fuss wedding, but the odds are that I’ll just get thappars or something from my mum when I suggest that
There is a hadith of the Prophet (Sallalah O Alaihay Wassalam), which roughly translates (and I am paraphrasing): "Give gifts to each other. That will increase love for each other".
So giving gifts per se is not bad, but rather encouraged.
I think that is the reason why in many families both sides of the family (bride's and groom's) give gifts to each member of the immediate family on both sides. Whether that is now treated more as a god-given right or is genuinely appreciated as a thoughtful gift, varies between people and families and their expectations.
Ofcourse, like anything else, gift-giving should neither be excessive nor made part of a ritual which puts gift-givers under severe financial burden. That is plain wrong.
Faisal Bhai, i am not against gift giving if it is done with love. IF i got married and hubby wanted to give me a gift - i would demand it be something simple which i can use. Not trendy shalwar kameezes to match with exquisite jewellery which i can showoff at the next Pakistani function. An Arabic learning set, with audio tapes, would be useful.
Mad Scientist, yeah same here. My Ammi just rolls her eyes when i tell her i’m going to wear an extremely simple shalwar kameez to my wedding and make it a small small wedding (IF i get married).
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That is so beautiful, Masha’Allah. i wish we all thought like yourself. i can add nothing more to it. Extremely well-stated, indeed Majestic :k:
i see myself never getting married. With the way the marriage customs and rites work in my family, i am alright with that. i’d rather be alone for the rest of my life than see my family go into eternal financial debt and bankruptcy to satisfy the greedy demands of a few materialistic individuals.
ﻦﻴﻫ ﻲﺗﺮﮐ ﺖﻬﺑ ﺯﺪﻧﺎﻤﻳﺩ ﮒﻮﻟ ﭖﺁ ﻮﺗ ﮏﻳﺍ
Aray bhaee.. jo bhi khushi say day, lay lein. If you need Arabic learning set, go out and get it yourself. Tuhfa demand karr ke liya tau kiya maza aaya
Last part is also interesting. Most new-generation educated guys especially brought up in western cultures, don’t really care much about elaborate wedding customs and stuff. I am sure you will find plenty who think more like you. Why despair?
[quote] Most new-generation educated guys especially brought up in western cultures, don't really care much about elaborate wedding customs and stuff.
[/quote]
They probably all relocate to the States, because there are extremely few of them here in Canada :o
Despair tha thoRay maheenon pehlay, especially from my parents. Now they are slowly reconciled to my pickiness and becoming more secure in our Pakistani community with the knowledge their third daughter will be a spinster. Jo hota hai, Allah ki marzi sai hota hai. There are lots of other ways to find happiness, you know, as Majestic implied in her posts. It need not necessarily be through marriage.
In Turkey the bride and groom both pool in and buy everything they need for their new home themselves. The bride takes care of the kitchen or bedroom and everything else is arranged by the groom (including the house). Somalians and Sudanese the guy pays for everything! The wedding reception and the valeema, aswell as everything they need for their new home.
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*Originally posted by Femme Fatale: *
In Turkey the bride and groom both pool in and buy everything they need for their new home themselves. The bride takes care of the kitchen or bedroom and everything else is arranged by the groom (including the house). Somalians and Sudanese the guy pays for everything! The wedding reception and the valeema, aswell as everything they need for their new home.
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FF its like that here also with many people, now a days
Faisal gift giving is NO big deal. I love giving gifts.
However, marriage today seems soo hard, people make it soo hard, so much more, it should be simple based on love ,oh well I wont go into all these details. And Nadia I tell my parents everything, I am not like many others who hide things from their parents. I have told my mom IF I get married I will marry any Muslim, but I want to love him, I will not do anything behind your backs, I will not do anything haram. And now I tell her IF there is no such person I shall be a spinster, plzz i dont need a guy.
Simplicity breeds contentment. With all that 'showbaazi' and materialism, i think there is the possibility of forever losing the essence of what it truly means to get married.
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Beautifully said.
I have noticed that the girls family (in the subcontinent) gives her gifts that are supposedly for her use -- but it turns out, invariably so, that the gifts save the groom and his family a lot of expense in setting up a home and a new life for the couple.
Jahaiz -- technically its supposed to be a trousseau but it really is a euphemistic term for paying the groom.
For eg jewellery if not overtly given as jahaiz to the groom (car/house/cash), may be given has a wedding gift to the bride, but the groom and often his family is free to sell/use it for their own purposes.
The furniture given to the bride really ends up as the grooms family's furniture because it saves them the expense which is really the obligation of the man in Islam.
We have Arab family friends who have sons in their early and mid thirties, who cannot get married because the demands for a 'settled groom' are so strict. The man is supposed to have a furnished house/apt ready and paid off. Plus a solid job with savings in the bank.
This lady was complaining to my mom that at this rate her son will never get married!
How ironical and in complete contrast to our subcontinent!
i just asked my Ammi about that and she said it’s accurate - but i have NEVER heard of any family within my relatives who did that. Why. When one of my first cousins got married several years ago, her family (my aunt) gave the groom’s family new furniture, appliances and furnishings - not to mention paying the expensive downpayment on their first home. The guy’s side of the family gave the girl’s family a few shalwar kameezes i think, and that was it. Even for my eldest sister’s marriage - we gave the guy’s side of the family quite a bit, i don’t remember them giving us anything. It’s not that i am materialistic - but i don’t see that principle of Islam being implemented in these particular types of cases.
Serves the dude right.
i am so glad i read that, Majestic. It makes me feel honoured to consider you a friend on Gupshup. This is merely my personal opinion and nothing more, but i hate lavish, big wedding parties, fancy jewellery, the most expensive shalwar kameezes, fancy this and fancy that.
