Breaking traditions

Lifestyle Relationships
1

have we Muslims been trapped into this breaking of traditions? going against authority? authority as in parents. children are being taught today that it’s “OKAY” to break the rules, disobey parents and “follow your heart”…

may Allah help us.

2

Re: Breaking traditions

Parents promoting such teachings repent later.

3

hmm it isn't as stark. i think there is abuse of power by parents as well. many many parents in pakistan impose traditions on their children and most of these traditions have nothing to do with the religion which teaches obedience. so its not just the kids, is it?

4

Re: Breaking traditions

I agree with croquet!...sumtimes parents can be biased too. I have seen so many situations where parents wud blackmail their children to follow wat they think is right be it sumthing totally opposite to Religion!.

5

Re: Breaking traditions

well parents aren’t always right. so screw traditions. :snooty:

6

Re: Breaking traditions

hmmm...I havent seen this, at least not very often Cricket. Most kids and near-adults we know are respectful of their parents, their wishes and their traditions. Which are the ones you see being broken or disrespected?

OMG jiia
7

Re: Breaking traditions

there are many traditions held dear by our parents generation that need to be broken, like Jaheez, spending on useless ceremonies etc

8

Well said :k:
I will add some more which made my life miserable as a child. All of it were not being imposed by my parents but other elders of the family , elder family friend and elderly neighbors.

Do not cross your legs while you are sitting , it is disrespectful, do not put your legs on the coffee table it is disrespectful. Do not drink water after eating water melon you will get diarrhea. Do not wear new clothes or shoes on Tuesday.
Put all you time in your studies extra curricular activities are waste of time .

If some traditions are good that is fine to follow.
Respecting elders is not tradition it is a requirement. Modesty , simplicity , following good things of culture and society are not traditions they are good traits.
No body in their right mind will break them.

9

but there are some traditions that need to be broken and are okay but not when it comes to disobeying parents, that is a no no

10

Re: Breaking traditions

Our tradition is "not to follow your parents if they are wrong"
There is always a friction between girls and mom, and boys and father (while kids are not mature)
No biggie!!

But I agree our tradition were recently undermined by Mush.

11

Re: Breaking traditions

Well there are 3 kinds of traditions

1) Bidaats/Against Islamic way of life: I strongly oppose these traditions and let my parents (and others) know about that too.

2) Traditions which are not against Islam: I think every person should be free to either follow or dont. If I dont have any specific view on any such tradition, I am normally happy for other people and join them

3) Traditions which are Islamic and should be followed: I advocate for such traditions and celebrate'em.

and Finally disagreeing with parents does not mean you have to be rude with them. Our new generation has to understand that too. I have seen many young (and old too) Pakistani kids getting "rude" with their parents while disagreeing.

12

Re: Breaking traditions

oh brother, i wasn't speaking of specific traditions...

and am not surprised to see the attacks on parents right away.. this is not about parents.

this thread is about kids disobeying their parents.

fine example in our society:
going against parents' choice of husband/wife.
saying no to parents' wise decisions for their kids
being impolite to anything and everything

these are the kids of today

13

It's the way parents raise their kids, so yeah sorry but it comes to parents again.
But there are other things, for example, the meat we eat in West is not properly halal because the way the zabiha get done. I believe eating that sort of food has it's negative effects on mind and soul and may be this is one of the reason for kids from muslim families today being more disobeying and full of rage etc.

14

ok these are issues that are more concrete...

IMHO, its ok for a kid to refuse a rishta. It the rest of THEIR life thats at stake and if thy dont agree - for whatever reason - then they have every right to refuse and seek another yeah? That shouldnt be a big deal although I know that in some cases it can be...but those cases tend to be those where the parents want the match for a reason OTHER than the happiness of their child yeah?

Saying no to parents wise decisions...hmm. iDK, i cant think of many situations here but have to say that I'm teaching my boys from their young ages that sometimes they think something may be the coolest funnest thing but in actuality, its wrong and not to be done. And I think they do understand this.

Rudeness and impoliteness not tolerated. Even at school...the kids who do not have this reinforcement at home invariably end up in the principals office, parents called etc. So even the non-vigilant parents are forced to take care and teach their kids.

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how do you know any of those are good or bad decisions?

16

Before making the generalization, several factors should be considered. I have seen parents make DISASTROUS decisions for their children. Although parents have wisdom and want what is best for their children, they are not infallible.

In my honest opinion, blind obedience is NOT a virtue. How will children ever learn to stand up for themselves in this cruel world and develop the confidence, and be able to make independent decisions through blind obedience.

Also, issues need to be considered as well. What is the rebellion about? Rebelling against doing the dishes and not marrying someone of parents' choice are two different issues.

As a teacher, I also have an understanding of child psychology. At times parents with their strong desire to do what is best for their children apply dysfunctional parenting methods such as frequently comparing their kids to others, use of sarcasm and belittling criticism, and excessive control. Over the years, such practices whittle away at the child's self-esteem and can develop resentment in the child, which will lead to rebellion. Or many times it can lead to poor self-image as the child doesn't have the confidence to face challenges in life.

Kids don't always learn through parents' over-protection. At times parents need to let their kids go and make their mistakes in order to TRULY learn a lesson. As odd as this sounds, there is a strange BEAUTY in making your OWN mistakes. When you reflect back on your life, you realize that your mistakes taught you a lesson, provided you hands-on learning experience, and shaped your character. Over-protection can be stifling and unhealthy.

We all have our own unique ideas, opinions, and goals..............and it is NATURAL for our opinions to come into conflict with the beliefs of our parents, siblings, spouse, friends, coworkers, teachers, boss, etc. That's what makes us interesting. Human beings are subject to changes in mood. We're not always at our best subservient behavior. We're not mindless robots.

In come cases disobeying parents might be valid if the parents are imposing decisions that the child has the basic Islamic right to reject. I've even hear of parents forcing their kids to become doctors........the kids humbly obey........and find themselves to be miserable in a career not to their liking. Gosh, what a waste of time. Sometimes, it's okay and even necessary to obey and stand up for yourself.

17

I don't quite agree with your statement that children are taught to disobey. No one wants their children to disobey, following your heart doesn't mean you are disobeying the parents.

18

Re: Breaking traditions

the environment does teach you that. if you don't agree, then please take a moment to observe your surroundings, you will be shocked how much this culture has an affect. anyways, im not generlizing, just my overall observation.

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19

Re: Breaking traditions

I think a lot of older Pakistani parents cannot differentiate between tradition and religion.

20

Re: Breaking traditions

We really cant blame kids/children for everything. I agree that desi parents tend to abuse their powerz to manipulate kids sometimes. Sometimes we ourselves give into peer pressure. We tend to control kids and like someone already mentioned dont give/ are hesitant to give our kids wings to fly. I will go so far as to say that we are quick to dismiss the western way of parenting but in somany ways these parents know when to let go.