breaking the 'news'?!?

hey guys im not sure if this has been bought up before on these forums! if it has then im sorry!

ok scenario is as follows!

girl likes boy! caste is different but not an issue! both pakistani, both muslims, both near enough from same village back home so there toar tahreeke are pretty much the same aswell as tradition and obviously culture!

girl is about to graduate, guy only went to college but works and has goals for the future! it was pointless for guy to go uni because he wants to open a garage and did the necessary courses for that! hence has started working and saving, looking for a house and doing what men should do beore marriage!

anywayz here is the problem! girls family as strict, girls parents have like an ego where they make the decisions and and girl has to agree if not guilt trip and emotional blackmail starts. girls parents wouldn;t force but they just have this thought that if the girl decided her future partner it kinda makes them feel less superior and that they are wrong if that makes sense!

anyway girl is gettin rishtay but obviously not interested and refusing and sooner or later she has to bring out her love. boys side on the oher hand no everything and are ok with everything u no having girl from outside family!

now girls brother found out she likes someone but he does not wnat to understand or hear anything and has told his sister to end things!

now what u need to understand is that the girl is quite weak and will buckle easily…but is very determined even if that means not having the lavish dream she has dreamed of!

brother has stopped tlkin to her…so what would u advise the girl next?

guy has said be patient and if that means cutting things off for a wile then fairbe he’ll wait! and if needs be he’ll talk 2 the brother!

but girl doesn’t feel at ease of satisfied and fears the worst!

what would u advise the girl next??

thank you x

Re: breaking the 'news'?!?

parents always do whats best for there children...
i know she's in love but later when she's married off to a different caste it'll cause problems for her...
thats usually the case...
the boy family will taunt her since she's from a different caste,
i've seen way too many stories of these kind!
& im totally not for love marriages,
because when your hormones calm down ...you realize that this is it!

Re: breaking the 'news'?!?

And why did she get into this relationship in the first place if she is so "weak" and knows her parents are so strict?

stupidity has no bounds.

Re: breaking the 'news'?!?

ask the girl, just do what Allash SWT has asked her to do, and everything will be fine.

ps. sara i agree i with u.

The brother needs to get over himself because he's not the parent of the girl. He hasn't even met the girl's boyfriend and already he's having ego issues. This marriage situation has more to do with the girl and her parents and little to do with the brother.

Now....you mentioned that the girl's family won't "force" her. Well....that's at least one positive point in this scenario. Yes, the girl's family might use emotional blackmail and yes they might make empty threats. But very few desi parents are going to disown their daughter or kick her out of the house.........as that would damage their reputation (a risk they don't want to take)....so they resort to threats that are rarely carried out.

The girl might be weak..........but her crush means NOTHING if the guy doesn't take the FIRST STEP. In other words the guy needs to bring his family over for rishta proposal to the girl's house. And since the guy's family knows the girl and likes her........and since the guys parents know that their son really wants to marry the girl............they will make the effort to make a positive impression and connect with the girl's parents during the rishta/proposal visit.

^This is the** starting place** for the girl. If the guy and the parents don't formally propose..............then this is just hopeless. Somebody has to start things and get the ball rolling.

She needs to talk to the boy and ask him if he plans to send his parents over for proposal. And if he is sincerely interested in marrying her.......he needs to do this.

Re: breaking the 'news'?!?

Tell her to speak to her mom. If she's old enough to get married then she's old enough to make her own decisions. If she really wants to marry this guy stop acting like a coward; the brother will get over it and this caste bullcrap is all nonsense.

Re: breaking the 'news'?!?

^ Good suggestion Sumo. I was wondering about that as well. If the girl feels shy talking about this matter with her father, the she can consider talking about this issue with her mom. Perhaps her mom might be more understanding and might (in her own way) try to influence the father in the girl's favor...........AFTER the guy comes with HIS PARENTS to formally PROPOSE! (this needs to take place).

Re: breaking the 'news'?!?

Yeh moms can definitely help a lot in this matter.

And usually women are more comfortable speaking with their mom about such issues.

Re: breaking the 'news'?!?

btw everyone what's that bright yellow thing under my post!?!

Re: breaking the 'news'?!?

^ lol u r desperate to get ur signature acknowledged

Re: breaking the 'news'?!?

thanks guys!

waterfall i only mentioned caste cus i thought someone may ask about that, his family are not bothered at all as long as he's happy and that he'll be able 2 'nibaah' this rishtaa for the rest of his life they with him! as long as taunts go well she wont be living with inlaws just her and husband!

she is weak thats one thing i hate about her personality she just gets walked on over and over again even by her own family! thing is love is love..love isnt a crime right??

what if her mum is an the guys ready to come down but shouldnt the girl tell her family first its not nice if boys side just turn up?!? right??

and what if the mom doesnt take it so nicely, she shouts she goes mad, gets dad n brother involved like someone said above empty threats her parnets are pros in that lol then she should wait a few days till it blows over right and then tells the boys side to come down and let his parents do the talking??

i told her to talk 2 her mom and she knows mum is not gonna accept because she wants her to marry her cousin..so ofcourse mom will go mad plus her mums not understanding anywayz! so i said to her you take the consequences, keep your cool, listen to what they have 2 say cus @ the end of the day its a shock to them, and hear what they have 2 say, when they calm down let the boys side come down..and leave it to him or his parents to talk! then if parents say anythign she could say well i tried 2 tell you and u didnt understand!

most likely her parents think they guy is an asshole! so her man did ask her if he could talk 2 brother but she theres no point! i think redvelvet said above that yehh its his ego and he acts like the dad! he did say he'd let him no he isnt a player or there 2 mess about and make im understand!

sooo from what u guys say i reckon i should tell her 2 talk 2 her mom! and then take whateva comes her way and then get him and his family to do the rest right??

u guys r great!

Re: breaking the 'news'?!?

Press Ctrl + Alt + Delete in your life and end task.

Re: breaking the 'news'?!?

I agree with Sara. Listen to the parents.

Re: breaking the 'news'?!?

Whats up Dg?

Re: breaking the 'news'?!?

She doesnt really need to say anything if shes scared of the reaction. If the guy loves her that much why cant he just come forth and talk to her parents himself? rather than putting her in the whole dilemma of losing her respect & losing her parents trust etc etc.

If after meeting the guy the parents dont agree than the girl shud definitely step back, going against your parents isnt really the wisest thing one can do.. it always comes and bites u right back!

Re: breaking the 'news'?!?

If the girl is too scared to tell her mom, then she should** at least** ask the guy to come with his parents to the girls house and formally propose.

Perhaps the guy and his family will make a strong positive impression on the girl's family......and this visit might help the girl to "open up" to her mom about the guy. Maybe the girl is afraid that if she tells the mom about it now.....then she will strongly reject the guy before even meeting him.....and this will color her judgment when she sees him. So perhaps she needs to try the** "proposal meeting first and talk to mom afterward"** method.

Re: breaking the 'news'?!?

^ yeah n if the guy doesnt agree to come before she talks to her parents.. then i think the girl really needs to sit down and figure out what she wants to do from there-on! because if he cant understand her predicament now n take a stand for her, i dnt think her parents wud even want to meet him after finding out abt their relationship..

Re: breaking the 'news'?!?

hey guys! ok i saw her 2day!! she was quite relaxed and ok! i printed all this off for her and told her 2 read it saved me from havin 2 say everyting! and basically shes decided to do as redvelvet says! and a few others!! shes gonna try and talk 2 her mum as she feels that it is her duty to tell them and if it blows out of proportion then she gona have 2 face it, shes plannin on tellin he rmum on friday and hes coming down saturday! his dad however said to the girl dnt say netin let us turn up we'll do it all!! so shes gna think tonight but defo boys side r comin saturday!!

omg im gettin xcited!!

thanks everyone!

Re: breaking the 'news'?!?

well this is going to be blown out of proportion, given the above scenario, girl will have more tough time ahead, in my view, waiting is best option, dont make decisions yet. with time you will be able to to judge easily the guy, parents, yourself. dont rush! talking from my experience.

Re: breaking the 'news'?!?

I'd advise the girl not to waste her time on a waste-man.

Only smelly people work in Garages.