I’m feeling really really upset, I have no idea what I should do, the circumstances seem to dictate everything by themselves, they are wholly and completely out of my control 
We have some family friends in Pakistan who we have been close to since before I was born, the husband works in the Gulf, they are quite a well off family, and they have just wonderful personalities, so honest and sincere. We get all our clothes sewn from them and they post them, they even buy the gold we want and send it, they have perfect taste. And in turn whenever they need anything my family always helps them so much because of the closeness.
2 years ago when I went to Pk for their eldest daughters wedding I really got to know them properly, they were so wonderful and so so sincere, and we spend a lot of our time with them whenever we went, even the night before the wedding I was there with their daughter reassuring her and preparing for the next day with them.
The whole thing seems like out of a fairytale, even the wedding itself, I have never been to one more perfect or more beautiful than this. The girls family even had our clothes sewn for their daughter wedding and valima, and some linen suits for when we returned to England.
They threw a party before we left in some gardens of a hotel, it was a dream. Towards the end the father of the bride came to me and started talking to me, he was really really nice, he asked about what I wanted to do at university what my eventual goal was.
Then he told me that the next time I came they wanted to see me on a similar occasion. I realised he was talking about me marrying his son, I knew what he meant, it was so blatant, and it explained why his wife had been introducing me to her in-laws.
His son was a really nice person, I mean I’ve known him since I was a child, we used to play together, he was sweet and funny and a great personality with wonderful prospects. I already knew he liked me. Khair, I thought it was so nice of them to think of me like that, that they wanted me in their family.
My parents never found out about this, the one thing I wish they had known.
Two years on and living thousands of miles away makes you face reality. I realised a lot of things that I probably wouldn’t be compatible with their son, that even though he was nice he wanted to stay in Pk, and as much as I loved it I couldn’t move there because I was brought up here, I couldn’t leave my parents, and also I have changed a lot in the last 2 years, I’m more inclined to Islam than before.
Anyway I’m engaged now, alhamdulillah I’m really happy, I know it was the right decision, the way I felt – everything was so perfect…
And of course I thought of them, I’ve been thinking about them for the past 2 years…I was torn btwn convincing myself I wanted to go for it and btwn the fact that I didn’t want to change…and how could my parents ever refuse anyway?? The way this family is I would have accepted a proposal out of sheer love for the parents.
When my parents phoned this family and told them, they were surprised….the situation is pretty much out of control, I couldn’t tell my parents about the whole affair from 2 years ago, it just wouldn’t be right. Maybe it would cause the friendship between my parents and them to be destroyed. I couldn’t live with that.
I don’t know about the rest of their reaction but right now I’m in compelte anguish, the fact is that all my gold my mother has bought me has been through them, my fiancé has told me that I should if I want choose all the clothes etc and obviously they will pay for them (some rasam), so my mother decided to get everything done from this family.
I’m going crazy out of my mind with guilt. I don’t know…I wish Allah would help me, or give me some strength to face this situation, I cant tell my parents because it would be terrible if they knew.
And theyre doing it as well, all the clothes, the jewellery, they’re shopping for them and desiging everything themselves, its breaking my heart…I really don’t know what to do…I cant tell my mother to get it done by anyone else bcos she will get suspicious, that’s how natural it is for us to get our clothes sewn from them.
sighz
My mother was talking to the lady of that family, and she told her that when I was 2 she sewn some dresses for me, and now I’m getting married and she is getting all the clothes ready for me.
I just know they must beheart broken…oh Im such an awful person! How could I do that to them?? They were so sweet, so caring so nice!
I’m so distraught, so awfully dying inside with guilt. The situation is completely out of control and there is nothing I can do to stop it.
(okay…that’s off my mind finally)
…dont wurry na..:)…i totally agree with DD and others…they should have propsed and if they didnt then im sorry darl maybe they wernt serious or somthing…but concentrate on whats coming next not on whats in the past…greet them properly…like u didnt take it seriously…and i think u SHOULD tell ur mum now even that ur enaged and all…just give her a hint for future…i know that i would..
it would make her uncomfortable and i dont want to cause any problems btwn them, i mean she loves their family alot and I know for my mum even if she says she doesnt mind abt something it will always be on her mind
…but i want u to be here for me too ok?..
