Breaking Point

Lifestyle Relationships
1

For those of you that have been through relationships…what utimately was the breaking point?

What drove you to end it?
What made you think that you would be better off on your own?

What was the final straw?

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Re: Breaking Point

A close friend was in this situation right recently now, and for her the breaking point was realizing that her husband cannot change and that she cannot spend the next 30-40 years of her life maintaining the status quo. I think that when you have sacrificed yourself for the sake of the marriage to the extent that you and those who know you best no longer recognize yourself, it's time to move on. If I felt that I no longer had the person's love or respect, I would feel that it is time to move on. You need to ask yourself if there is anything worth salvaging.

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Re: Breaking Point

My biological clock lol! I was in a miserable marriage but was consoling myself and hiding in my career, working incredible hours and making a great living. When it came down to it, I just knew that having kids with him was just NOT a good idea. There were so many other factors that contributed, I cant and dont want to recall but there came a time when I knew I had to wake up, smell the coffee and DO something. Best thing I ever did.

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Re: Breaking Point

As the wiseman once said, when one door closes another opens.

For me the breaking point would be that ... we have nothing to say to eachother. There is no more love and trust. Its a huge step and no turing back, so should not be taken lightly.

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Re: Breaking Point

I am a VERY parient, tolerant and cool-minded person...and if anyone can make me reach my saturation point...where I lose patience...that would be my breaking point, and there are several things that can make me reach it...e.g. absolute lack of communication[where I feel that I just can't communicate/am afraid of the reaction of the other person so I keep everything to myself], constant use of offensive language[though its in "fashion", I'm proud of being a conservative, and I just CANT stand such language], repetition of crude behaviour, and also when I realize that I've started finding justifications for the wrong attitude of the other person...I guess that would be my breaking point.

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Re: Breaking Point

approximately 120 lbs

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Re: Breaking Point

That I would no longer recognize what I have become! Basically trying trying with all the tools that one has and then seeing the result if they worked or not.Usually my breaking point come after trying and trying to mend the relationship one way or the other.
And in the end…What feelings you get when the person is not there.I dont know how to explain it well…let me try…if with a person ,I cant put my guards down because of being afraid to be kicked in the teeth right when least expected…that right there is a deal breaker for me!! I hate mind games…ind games mind games!!..:grumpy: …(Ok I just vented:blush:)

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Re: Breaking Point

....

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Re: Breaking Point

sis Muzna,
good question.
me and my friend was talking about guys and women who come back to their past relations.
people who had the worst fights, also loved each other the most.
why is dat?
there are breaking points everywhere in life.
one must not take them to be, dead ends in relationships.
a point of breaking can indeed bring two really compassionate people together, back again. destiny can have its way the other way around, too.
and that is the power of love, even love that is on the one side, and not on both.
girls do that alot. whereas we guys, often have a missed target.
what will offend me, is that if i saw her with another man.
favouring me, is her biggest challenge. yet she is strong enough to do it for me. i must not let her down. as we have not got the time to spend together since we are not married. even, if i were to not get married to her, if let's say her parents were to say something if about me, it will be really hard for me to let go of my friend in her. and i will do everything possible to keep her as my friend, even if it means, being her kid's uncle.
there are no guys like me, i know. thankyou.

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Re: Breaking Point

i know a lot of ppl who are in bad marriages. from the outside we can see very obvious breaking points which should have made the affected spouse leave but still they stay on. why? love? hope that someday things can be better like before? i dunno.... but i know we should not let our emotions get the better of us. a calm rational mind can work out a lot of solutions.

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Re: Breaking Point

Or maybe its the being sooo used to each other...or if there is abuse emotional and/or physical abuse,involved then its not in their control.Outside help is needed then...

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Re: Breaking Point

so by relationships I am looking at all relationships and not justy married status..

when the rules were changed, when the basic agreement was changed.

i.e. dont convert but accept my ways
dont convert but participate in my ways
convert and particpate in my ways
convert and participate in my ways and if your family opposes it leave them

etc..

that meant..end it

Chalo sub dosti karo
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Re: Breaking Point

when you wait for a fair bit and witness no compromise or change, just the rerun of the nusiance then its time to get a move on. i have a pretty short fuse when it comes to dishonesty.

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Re: Breaking Point

  • Felt terribly lonely within days of marriage.
  • Felt I had the heavy burden of keeping it smooth 24X7.
  • Constantly discovering hidden agendas and too many lies.
  • I couldnt respect him at any level due to his very cheap actions.
  • After a surgery he had, I wasnt allowed to visit him at hospital, later on I found his mistress had been there all the time.....different set of rules. *]I was an asset, bringing luxury and comfort into the marriage, nothing else to him. Felt like we had opposite roles, I was hubby and the stability factor, while he was a spoiled teenage....who wanted pampering and total obidience....even when it was wrong. When Im at work, I tend to post too quickly...therefor this edit....:D
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Re: Breaking Point

The way i see it is that there is a stage or phase leading upto the breaking point. During this phase many people are fortunate to calmly and with certainity make that ultimate decision. Other people are not so sure...lot of what ifs ....fear....dependancy etc. Then they are eventually thrown to what we are referring as the breaking point.

For me the breaking point was literally a point in time a nano-second...all memories and experiences for a long time forcefully crammed to that point. Something had to give. Darned if it was going to be me. I have never made instant decisions in my life...but that decision was faster than your eye could blink. Even after I had decided, I procrastinated on the implementation of my/our decision (thinking just maybe things will change)...this led to breaking point no. 2 which I wish i had never seen. I was as Cool Minded says...tolerant and patient....I was 'the nice one' I was 'the one who could not say no' I did not want to hurt or offend anyone, I did not want to rock the boat. I have now offically rocked the boat and learnt to row. If I fall off the boat, I will learn to swim.

May we all have the strength and decisiveness to deal with our matters well before we reach our breaking points and if we do come to the breaking points, we should be strong enough to carry out our decisions at that point.

Nisa..to answer your question why still stay on? Yes could be love. When things are bad somehow it does not always mean love has disappeared.

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Re: Breaking Point

Interesting answers.
Many that sound cliched but hold so much truth.

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Re: Breaking Point

coolminded, pathani. alysam and nisa , all of u said the true side of breaking point.
fear, emotional turmoil, and love not being always lost, are strange colours of this human feeling that cannot be seen in monotone of egocentric nature. ah, how nice would it be, if we men realized that. i am proud to say as a man, that there is no place for violence in this relationship. an apology made with meaning it, can lead to forgiveness. but apology will come first. even some women offer it at times , but many men, won't admit easily and the best way to deal with dat is to let them learn by themselves.

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Re: Breaking Point

But an apology becomes useless when the same behaviour for which the apology was made is repeated...and that too again and again...:|

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Re: Breaking Point

you are right. for an apology to be accepted, it must have an absolute resolution to not engage in the same behaviour again, under any situation.

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Re: Breaking Point

There is no breaking point in a relationship; either you become boring or the other person loose interest in you.