Boys profiles : rishta hunt

Lifestyle Relationships
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:rotfl:

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Also, notice how gently she puts it. Even the guy in question would not be offended.

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All this, and I don’t think guys are honestly going to websites. The friends I have who were all pretty decent catches - the ones I know from univ/work, are not on the internet. They’re out in real life just making friends and networking in their own groups. The ones who are still single in their 30’s are either picky, or they’ve spent the last decade working on their careers and are too stressed out about that to look for a bride seriously. Or they’re not financially stable. Or they’re playboys, and dating around. Beyond that most have settled down. And they usually found girls in their own social circle.

As for sweeping generalizations, I see you guys making generalized statements too, so I don’t get why people are targeting me about that. You guys get your panties in a bunch because I make critical statements on our culture, which often you guys are participating in, so you get offended. Simple. I’ve heard the same generalized statements about working women, or women above 30, and some of you folks have made generalizing statements that if someone is over 30 and single, it’s her fault.

As you can see by some of the testimonies here, finding rishtas when you are getting older,and you have certain requirements or you aren’t socially well connected, or you just HAPPEN to be in a social group where no one has sons, etc, the process is not easy.

And I’m not the only one, I see profile after profile after profile of girls whose parents are looking for them, and they’re not all 20-22 range in ages, people, so let’s stop assuming every dutiful parent got their kid married so young. Some of our parents had other priorities, like education, etc, and for many girls, that puts us into our late 20’s, early 30’s when we even START looking. Again, NOTHING wrong with that - but yet I see “generalized sweeping statements” about those girls too.

Not just that but I get told I’m not a dhood mein dhulhi hui dulhan or whatever that means. :snooty: So target me all you want, but the rudeness here is out of control.

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Good catch is a relative term and rishta hunter dependant.

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It might be, but when you see pics after pics of decent looking women in normal shalwaar kameez, not looking obnoxious in their pics, serenely smiling at the camera, not too showbaaz looking etc, mostly with bachelors minimum most of them having done at least a masters, some of them working in good positions, then for me at least those are good catches. I can tell you I scrolled down this list yesterday and thought God if I had a son, I’d have him look at all these gals, because there wasn’t one bad apple amongst them. But maybe that’s why God doesn’t want me being married, I’d probably be too kick arse of a mom, and after all, to make the world more lovely we need some messed up people in it. :rolleyes:

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Re: Boys profiles : rishta hunt

This is exactly what numerous people have been trying to tell you, albeit it in their own..um..unique way. Most men do not rely on rishta aunties or websites but rather on socialising within their own circle, hence there are less men available through these avenues.

As far as the age, I don't understand this obsession with "OMG..I'm 30." Frankly, 30 is not 60, and at 30, a person is young enough to socialise and meet people. It's also mature enough to understand that the marriage scene has changed quite a bit from previous generations and that they may have to try something different.

As far as men not wanting to marry women in their 30s, if someone is antiquated enough to believe that "OMG...30 is like so old," one is better off without proposals from such people.

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There are scores of decent looking men with minimum bachelors and some of them working in good positions. But you might find them incompatible, same goes for men, they may find those girls incompatible for one reason or another.

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Then our community needs to open up and make opportunities for people to mingle. A poster on ISNA’s website on Facebook wrote very aptly that this is such a big organization and they put together ONE event in a year, where people meet each other briefly for minutes to hours and we think somehow that will facilitate people finding their mates, and why can’t they host events in cities across the US for people to meet up?

YPN is putting on some good events, and it’s picking up momentum.

I’ve been thinking of starting an organization that does just that except make it free for people to come and keep the cost low so struggling students, etc can also attend.

I can tell you I never had the spare cash or time with my call schedule to get to the ONCE A YEAR ISNA event where a few people had success stories, and most people left disappointed. Flight tickets + hotel costs + finding someone to cover your work + making up the work when you get back + awkward dinner + dingy hookah events in the unspoken after-ISNA parties. :rolleyes:

I honestly believe our elders and our religious community have failed us. I go to a mosque that is awesome, nice big, and I don’t know one guy in there on Friday’s except my dad.

Really frustrating this process for people who aren’t social butterflies.

If you go to school for 10 years and you compete for ace’s and you’re studying or working all the time with jobs to support your schooling, it’s not easy making weekend dawats, nor can many of us support the wardrobe costs either.

The girls here who are social butterflies fly to Pakistan or India annually for a period of 2-3 months in the summer to get their party clothes made.

I can only afford that crap now when I hit the age of 27, because I was finally making an income - a resident’s income at that. Now I have a real income, I’m too old and too out of shape to enjoy the dawats and the clothes, and my call schedule doesnt allow me to sit in Karachi for 3 months, and neither does the current political environment there. (thanks a lot TTP and Sharif family).

#101reasonsayuppieslifedoesn](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=101reasonsayuppieslifedoesn) 'tcorrespondtodesiauntystandards

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I send you my pic, and you distrubute k?

I will not send you my weight.

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the mosque are not really for finding a partner. yes you can find good friends and a potential partner while at the mosque/mosque events but it isnt the main aim of it all. so imo, the mosque has not failed you.

as for your parents,elder and community...they do hont to potentials rishtas every now and then...if you dont find them suitable then nothing can be done on their side. again imo,parents have not failed either.

why do we start looking for bright sides of things and of people?from the many posts of you that i read of you ,you sound so bitter and judgemental about many things. i know you must be a strong head girl and it is good trait of todays woman..but we ladies should not have such a big ego for being strong minded. give people a chance at least.

you are a very similar personality to one of my elder sister, i always debate with her regarding our different approach to life and people.

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Re: Boys profiles : rishta hunt

OK

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Why is the mosque not an appropriate place to meet a spouse?? People used to use the mosque also as a community center back in the beginning of Islam, and decisions like this were among the many that were discussed at the time at masjids. Why not? You should know who the eligible bachelors/bachelorettes are in your local masjid, or at least there should be a system of matrimonials. Even if it's facilitated by elders, why not?

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i am not saying mosque are not the place to meet a spouse..but it isnt the main purpose of this place. so if no one tells you about the eligible bachelors within the community of the mosque,then they cannot be blamed. its not their prime duty

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Re: Boys profiles : rishta hunt

In a mosque there should be a rishta drop box system . A profile fill out form . Not more than 10 questions . The men's drop box should be accessible from women side and women drop box should be accessible from men side . Either side can take out those forms , note down the important info. and put it right back in OR mosque organization can compile a list and put it on their website . Just thinking out loud :)

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how can anyone meet the opposite gender in a mosque? men and women pray separately in different areas. As far as ISNA meet ups, i personally know many couples that met each other through that, but yes flights and tickets can be expensive as its only in Chicago I believe.
Is online searching really that bad? I know people who have connected through muslim matrimonial sites, including my own cousins and close friends. alot of times, guys make their own profiles and its really not much of a rishta aunty involvement.

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NAK is working on masjid as community centers i think its a great idea.

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I see where you're coming from and I see where the confusion may lie for the posters above.
Not all mosques have a community center, which is what I assume you're referring to. The concept of the mosque as a community center and meeting place for the community is more prevalent among the Arab community (as well as in the Afghan community). Mosques run by these communities usually have community centers.

From my observation, this concept is not as common among the South Asian community, who mainly view the mosque as a place for namaz. As such, mosques catering to a predominantly South Asian community may or may not have a community center and thus, the concept of meeting someone at the mosque may be alien for some people.

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Yep hence my ongoing online tirade on a desi forum to get people to see common sense.

If you want your community to grow, part of that involves babies. Making babies. If our men are not being introduced to our women, then there will be problems.

Already we see patches of communities across the country where desis have lost connection with their deen and religion. They're going to marry non-muslim women if that's all they're meeting.

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I get your concern. Your argument is def valid… But, why is it such a bad idea if they marry non-Muslims? I mean, as long as they follow the rules and raise their children as Muslims, etc… Why are non-muslims so bad?

Not attacking or what ever :vivo: … Seriously asking.

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Who said non-muslims are bad? Nobody is saying that.

If you marry a non-Muslim, for example, and she converts to Islam and genuinely wants to follow the religion, that’s a great. It makes things easier for you if Islam is very important to you and you want your kids to follow it.

If she doesn’t want to convert and strongly practices her religion, then there may be some similarity in moral values and other aspects of belief. But there is also a major clash in core beliefs (trinity vs belief in one-God). So, what should the kids believe then? Will they be given choice? Or will a particular belief be reinforced? This depends on how you religious you are. If religion is very important to you…this conflict will pose as a challenge.

If she does not practice her religion and is not into any religion, then it may not matter to the guy if he is lax as well. If religion is a top priority for him, then he’ll spend his time trying to bring her to Islam first and then to make sure his kids follow it too; that’s not an easy thing to. It can be emotionally overwhelming.

The second and third scenarios are not impossible, but it may be more challenging to merge. I have a friend who is Christian and married a Muslim. She didn’t convert. They have two kids and a point came where the kids had to decide what religion to follow. She left it up to God. They picked Islam. Now she approached it in a laid-back way, for other couples it may not be that easy.
A marriage between two Muslims is challenging enough…A marriage between two people of different religions where both partners are religious or one of them is…may be more challenging. Not necessarily impossible, but challenging and one has to decide if they can handle it and what their priorities and there is nothing at all offensive in saying this because this is something everyone regardless of religion or culture has to think about before making the life-altering decision of marriage. Koi araam se is hawaly se soch hi nahi raha…rather some folks are interpreting in a very jazbaati way and in haste.