One thing I do not understand is why for every rishta wali there is like one male profile for every 20 female profiles. If we are being made to only marry muslim men because it’s haram to marry outside then why aren’t we having our men take the process seriously?
I just added my profile to Dholki matrimonial group on Facebook and literally that’s their ratio. Moms wanna post their daughters pics but I guess everyone gave birth to girls by the looks of it.
Meanwhile your son may be dating a non muslim chick. Wah Jee Wah.
How does the ratio of single females to guys prove the guys are 1) dating, and 2) dating non Muslims?
Statistically speaking, don’t women outnumber men in the world’s over all population? So if that’s the case, common sense would lead us to believe there are more “available” women than men, no?
And even if the guya are with anyone… who cares if the girls are Muslim or non Muslim? Men are not required to marry Muslim women, I know you know that much.
So before you cried about guys with goris. Now we’re just gonna lump everyone else into the list of people who make PCG angry/ bitter? I mean, might as well.
Instead of pointing fingers and looking for excuses as to why you, or any other desi girl, is still single, perhaps desis should realize there’s an entire world out there. No where is it written that anyone ABSOLUTELY HAS to marry their same race, culture, ethnicity, etc. The only rule for women is that the guy has to be Muslim…
So let’s cut the wanna be feminist bull crap and be realistic. K?
Ironically, men outnumber women in South Aisa and Middle East.
“The number of men and women in the world is roughly equal, though men hold a slight lead with 102 men for 100 women (in 2010). More precisely, out of 1,000 people, 504 are men (50.4%) and 496 are women (49.6%). For every 100 girls, 107 boys are born, but males have a higher risk of dying than females, both in childhood and at adult ages. So at a certain age, the numbers of men and women even out. In France this occurs at age 25 (in 2010). Beyond this age, women outnumber men and the numerical difference between the two sexes increases with age. In France, eight centenarians in ten are women (in 2010).”
Instead of pointing fingers and looking for excuses as to why you, or any other desi girl, is still single, perhaps desis should realize there's an entire world out there. No where is it written that anyone ABSOLUTELY HAS to marry their same race, culture, ethnicity, etc. The only rule for women is that the guy has to be Muslim...
^This!!!
However, if one absolutely insists on marrying someone of their same background, which is quite alright as well, one should look at a couple of things:
Before pointing fingers at the supposedly numerous flaws of Pakistani men, women should also look at their own flaws and realise that they themselves are not perfect and may not be the perfect catch that they believe themselves to be. When one realises and comes to terms with one's own issues and imperfections, it is easier to understand the imperfections of others and better relate to people. How well one relates to people is quite significant in finding a spouse.
Secondly, we do not exist in a vacuum and our attitudes and behaviours towards the outside world influence the outside world's perception and treatment of us. If it is indeed true that every Pakistani Tom, Dick, and Harry is marrying a European/Arab/Persian/xyz ethnicity girl (and I am not so sure that it is), why could this be? Could it be that Pakistani women (or at least the ones having trouble finding someone) also have flaws that are off putting to men?
a Muslim woman can marry a non Muslim man if he agrees to convert, even if for marriage purposes because we can not cut open someone's heart and see if the iimaan is there are not. we as a Muslim have to accept what a converting man says...if he says he wants to convert and recites the Kalima, he is a Muslim by all means. as far as following the pillars of Islam [namaaz, Haj, roza, zakaat] are concerned, he may be a non practicing Muslim' like millions of other Muslims.
we must not set bar too high for a converting man to Islam. we should set our own bar a little higher.
If we go by the idea that muslim men can marry out but muslim women can't then we will continue facing the dearth of rishtas that we actually are facing.
Fact is that we have pigeon holed women into meeting desi men through arranged meetings. Now before some of you start snipping at me for personal reasons which has actually already begun, most desi girls are good catches. Let's leave personal enemies aside here, you may think I am a bad catch but the other 20 girls lined up for every male at a mingling event at ISNA or profiles with rishta aunties are not necessarily bad catches. Vast majority have a higher level of education, pretty well dressed etc.
That FB group FYI is only open to women including older aunties who post their sons photos there. So you'd expect there to be more men listed. Even if you suggest that the FB group is less likely to market to aunties who probably can't use the internet to advertise their sons you must keep in mind these ratios exist for in person rishta aunties too. They usually have a long book for girls profiles but fewer for men. Woh bhi the men that are having difficulty finding a mate : divorcees, etc.
I think half our deen is the only website I can say has legit good guys and fewer trolls. Probably because of the price and the regulation with postings an profiles.
Shaadi - filled with folks trying to get visas. Some are legit but it's a minority.
There is an imbalance in men seeking marriage and women seeking marriage trough these mediums and it's because guys are looking elsewhere. Some in their own community and some marry out or some bring wives from abroad. These are unfortunate facts - can't use them to justify how much you girls hate me, it's a real phenomenon, so uh, YOU grow up.
Now for those who actually want to have a non personal debate please participate and if the mode TRy to edit me then edit the insults here from your girlfriends too:
This is unfair to begin with. It’s amazing to me that people would actually say “o why not go out and find someone you can convert?!” As if that’s really easy to do and nobody should really care for their religion except Muslims. After all, it is the true religion so you are doing them a favor. :halo:
AND to support your point, I have actually stated above that there isn’t a shortage of men in the world. I don’t know why people think that.
There is an imbalance in men seeking marriage and women seeking marriage trough these mediums and it's because guys are looking elsewhere. Some in their own community and some marry out or some bring wives from abroad. These are unfortunate facts - can't use them to justify how much you girls hate me, it's a real phenomenon, so uh, YOU grow up.
Now for those who actually want to have a non personal debate please participate and if the mode TRy to edit me then edit the insults here from your girlfriends too:
I don't think it's unfortunate or wrong if guys are marrying out of their community or from abroad.. It's their personal preference at the end of the day and they're entitled to it..
We just need to more adaptable in the face of these changes.. No point looking for only Pakistani or only desi if there just aren't those men around.. Parents need to be told (in as nice a way as possible) that they're being unreasonable and not facing up to reality if they're giving out conditions which can't be met.. same with the girls themselves..
There are lesser male profiles because it's much easier for desi men to get married. First they can send their rishta to any single girl they see an an event, doesn't matter if they get rejected, it's on to the next one. Most desi women don't have that option. I have yet to hear of desi parents of a girl going to a boy's house saying, we saw your son at so and so's wedding and found out more about him and think that he will be a good match for our daughter, what do you think? Parents of boys however, are at liberty to that as often as they want. Men in our culture, unfortunately have the liberty to propose, women for the most part have the option to say yes or no.
Why go through the hazard of courting a girl and pandering to her nakhras when momy dearest can tell the rishta aunty that she wants a green eyed , slim and fair career woman who should work full time, be obedient to her in laws and do all the housework. And yes, I have seen people specify the height and career of the girl too, e.g. 5'6" and MBA or doctor.
Not all men are like that though ( and neither are their parents), but the vast majority? See above.
Well that's my point. No one is trying to get to know anyone in this process apart from making assumptions that if she is pretty she is likely fertile or if she is a doc she is probably easy to get along with and will do anything we ask. Forget that the divorce rate and mental health problems in docs are higher than average. Same with lawyers etc. Or they assume no much education --> great paratha maker and instead they get a girl who let's out pathakas not parathas and then everyone is angry.
Simple basic stuff: get to know a person and you can avoid unnecessary divorces.
Fact is that we have pigeon holed women into meeting desi men through arranged meetings. Now before some of you start snipping at me for personal reasons which has actually already begun, most desi girls are good catches. Let's leave personal enemies aside here, you may think I am a bad catch but the other 20 girls lined up for every male at a mingling event at ISNA or profiles with rishta aunties are not necessarily bad catches. Vast majority have a higher level of education, pretty well dressed etc.
What I meant regarding the catch bit is that different people have different views on what constitutes a good catch. What constitutes a good catch varies for most people and depends on what the person values and considers important enough to make a priority.
I think part of the problem is that people generalise as to what Pakistani men consider a "good catch" and generalise about what men are looking for, not taking individual differences and preference into account. Contrary to popular opinion, not all Pakistani men are looking for the same thing in a spouse.
..... these ratios exist for in person rishta aunties too. They usually have a long book for girls profiles but fewer for men. Woh bhi the men that are having difficulty finding a mate : divorcees, etc.
I think half our deen is the only website I can say has legit good guys and fewer trolls. Probably because of the price and the regulation with postings an profiles.
Shaadi - filled with folks trying to get visas. Some are legit but it's a minority.
There is an imbalance in men seeking marriage and women seeking marriage trough these mediums and it's because guys are looking elsewhere. Some in their own community and some marry out or some bring wives from abroad. These are unfortunate facts .....
If the intelligent, ambitious, educated desi men prefer not to use such media, could it be that there is something wrong with it? Or at least they do not prefer it? Should we not trust their judgement?
If most of the 'eligible bachelors' are looking elsewhere, there are two possibilities:
It is a good judgement call. Then it necessarily is not their fault.
If they are making bad judgement, they shouldn't be good rishta prospects anyways!
