Boys Getting Married Young

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Boys Getting Married Young

Also, getting pregnant without rukhsati happens. Talked to a guy on singlemuslim the other day who had a weird posting. His profile says "marriage annulled", but he has a kid. I thought anullment happens prior to consummating the marriage, as oppose to a divorce.

So I said where did the kid come from? He said that a nikkah was done, but not rukhsati, so he listed his divorce, not as a true divorce but anullment.

He said the kid was conceived while the nikkah was active but prior to rukhsati, so he never lived with the mother of his child.

Do these maulvis' understand the effect of their words? And I don't get the religious basis of it. Rasul (SAW)'s first marriage was at the age of 20 something with a 40 year old woman. He was working at the time, and well beyond average age of puberty. If these rules are applied back then, the equivalent of a high school kid marrying would be the same as if the Rasul (SAW) had married when he was a teenager.

And the Rasul (SAW) married older women, and widows, and most of his marriages occurred when he was much much older. I don't recall many hadith where he tells little boys to get married as soon as they're able to spew out sperm and conceive children.

In fact, even in the FIRST video, the speaker says when the man reaches an age of RESPONSIBILITY. So at college, with the way college kids are these days, those boys are NOT at an age of responsibility. They pop popcorn in their dorm rooms and study for their exams, and then go see a movie. That is not the lifestyle of a responsible husband ready to have a family!

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You know you have the technology to figure it out from the user's IP address.

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Re: Boys Getting Married Young

I think that's because this same religious community NEVER addresses women that are older and working.

Repeatedly they say a woman should not be working. (not Nouman Ali Khan, maybe, but definitely others). They talk about the benefit of marrying young virgins, citing hadith like the one that TLK bhai posted in another thread. They ignore that the Prophet (SAW) married mostly women > 30 yrs of age. They ignore that he married his boss - Khadija (R), one of the few female businesswomen in town, or that he even worked for a female. They talk about a woman's place being at home, and almost never have I heard a khutba where they address and congralate families who put in time and saccrifice into their daughters education. Although I believe there may be a hadith on it, because one day, my dad came home from jumma super excited that the Imam talked about the benefits of educating your daughters and giving them knowledge.

I wonder if I can get Nouman Ali Khan's email address, I'd like to remind him that those of us women who are older, educated, and doing good work for society through various professions is both necessary and a huge help to the community.

Where do they go when they need legal representation and they get a female lawyer volunteering with CAIR? Then working women aren't bad? Older women aren't bad then? Or single female docs who are now in their 30's and 40's practicing and single? Or female teachers - they are doing wrong? They should be sitting at home? Not married by 30 and teaching, hai Allah? When I was teaching, I was in my mid-20's and I had a fellow Pakistani teacher with me who was a few years older - we were wrong for not getting married early and being single and working?

So these guys never praise older women who are working and never suggest to their men that hey, we have many single women who are waiting for rishtas , why not approach them? Nope, they talk about young virgins in sermons, even in the USA.

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You know you have the technology to figure it out from the user’s IP address.
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No, I want his infatuations to roam freely on the GS land. You never know PCG, you never know. This might be It

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Re: Boys Getting Married Young

I think you are derailing the thread, TLK. You have some kids, are you planning on getting them married right out of high school or during? Or during college? To also boys who are not completed with basic bachelor's education?

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I realise I strayed from topic but you mentioned younger guys so I was giving their point of view.

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Re: Boys Getting Married Young

The question is, a young guy who is not completed his education, still in school, still needing money for his schooling (loans, parents), and not making money --> should he be getting married as these speakers suggest.

Who they marry and what they marry is a different topic.

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Bro what is this jaal? Why can't I just be me? I am representing the thought of liberal young guys. I have no intention of chasing or impressing any girl. My views and beliefs are based on my experiences, those around me and my political beliefs.

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Re: Boys Getting Married Young

The financial part of an early marriage can be worked out. You do what other college students do, use contraceptives ( religiously ). You delay having kids until you have a career, or have achieved whatever goals the two of you set for yourselves. The parents keep paying for college, like they would even if you were doing it the haraam way. This wouldn't work though if the girls parents just wanted to get rid of her completely, and never planned to send her to college to begin with.

The bigger problem is compatibility. Your personality, your outlook on life might change a lot during your time in college. You're still in the process of growing up, figuring out what you want from life. That's why relationships formed at such an early age have a higher chance of failure. Now this wouldn't be a problem if divorce wasn't such a big thing and people weren't obsessed with virginity so much.

It can work if people are smart about using contraceptives and divorce stops being such a Taboo. And just don't register the marriage until you're sure about it, might save you a lot of hassle in case things don't work out. The possibility of it ending in divorce isn't a strong argument because with marriage there's always a chance of divorce.

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Re: Boys Getting Married Young

Ok sorry for derailing. Thanks for keeping me on the right path. I don’t agree with them but i’m not extremely religious.

Why don’t you listen to other sermons by some of the progressive imams rather than ones who are prone to flip flop and change views based on audience. They know what the audience wants to hear and what will increase listeners and what is palatable. If the audience was progressive they would sing to another tune. So listening to a more progressive perspective is handy. Not everyone has pure intentions when it comes to imams. Anyone who follows the example of the Prophet (SAW) will know how progressive He was. progressive in thoughts, behaviour and action when it came to marriage, women working and what not. I totally agree women should work after marriage. Husband and in laws should support this decision and in turn it will benefit the household.

You might and others here find this useful reading. http://muslimahwalkingaround.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/recovering-the-progressive-spirit-of-islam-e-cervantes.pdf

As for Nouman’s details. They are apparently on his Bayyinah website. Also has his number.
Scrolling through this website i came across his email.
Surah Al-Fatiha - Nouman Ali Khan | MuslimMatters.orgMuslimMatters.org
[EMAIL=“[email protected]”][email protected]

although i couldnt really find it on the site.

http://bayyinah.com/about/contact-us/

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Re: Boys Getting Married Young

I agree with Saaed completely. Could not say it better myself which shows there are progressive guys out there. I think marriage is only advisable if it does not interfere with studies, employment prospects and college life. If both people are mature, respectful of each other and give each other space maybe it can work. Personally i believe after college and work when you can at least afford an independent apartment at maybe 25-26 years of age and above is a good time to think in that direction.

In your 20s you hardly know yourself and what responsibilities of marriage are like. It can work for some but might not work for all. It is a time to explore who you are and what your life goals are.

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Re: Boys Getting Married Young

When I married my husband, he was 20 years old. We had our Rukhsati a few months later and he had turned 21 by that time. Was it young? Yes. But was that the best decision for us? Without a doubt (We had been engaged for 2,5 years prior to our Nikkah.). At the time my husband and I were just students, but I guess it helped we lived on our own. I think you can work out most thing (household, work, education) if you're a bit efficient etc. I see a lot of white people around the same age living together, I don't see why it is so much different for Muslims or why many people think they need to be at some top-post, before they tie the knot. :)

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Guys getting married below the age of 24 is just... scary. What if he changes his mind? People change so much after college, they gain maturity, have different outlooks on life. Same can be said about girls too I guess. In my opinion, best is to get married when you are done with your bachelors, or perhaps in your final year of bachelors. Parents supporting guy and wife isn't so good (according to me as I feel husband should support financially), but by all means if the parents are financially stable- then why not.

It is true that early marriage prevents zinna but it doesn't guarantee it. People who get married at 'acceptable' ages end up cheating or losing interest in their spouse, so dont you think ppl in their early 20s are even more inclined towards it?

Speaking of which, an acquaintance in Texas got married young to a young boy. Both ended their love marriage months later as they could not get along. It was a shame as they liked each other so much- until they got married and lived together. I did not know that this is happening a lot in the country.

It all boils down to the girl and guy being ultimately sure that the person they are marrying is the one.

Also, I feel younger people are not willing to compromise. For example, if the guy gives a girl trouble (aka '*'), she does not want to tolerate it at all. Heck, even I am like that. At age 21, if any guy gives me * I wont be able to take it. This is unlike our parents' times where women compromised and gave in so much.

I feel that best time for a guy to be married is when he is done with his degree. (above age 23)

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LOL .. Your post is all over the place and wow talk about generalizing people based on their age huh ;). Agar kissi ne interest khona hai, toh he will even if you marry him after he is 24 years, there is no gurantee.

This thread is so full of negative thoughts. Seriously let people marry when they wanna and stop the double standards and prejudices. Time se shaadi karlo toh masla hai, dair se karo toh masla. :rolleyes:

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Re: Boys Getting Married Young

Ok, but what's to say that a guy who's older also won't change his mind? I've found that getting married, having responsibility of someone else is one of the factors that made me mature. What makes you think that you'll be more willing to tolerate stuff from your husband when you're older? By the way, I'd also want to have stability and completed a degree if it were in a completely arranged setting. However, for people who get married earlier, while still in school etc. I don't think there's a problem with it. The speakers who will encourage this type of thing are also concerned about keeping the interactions halal. This is only achieved when there is a nikah.

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Good parenting prevents Zina, not getting young men married off an an age when they cannot afford to provide for their family.

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this.

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why should men provide for their family? isn't the girls working and going to college earning money? Why can't they pitch in?

Or do are we going back to the 'islamic' and 'traditional' role for a man to be the provider.........but the women to be free of any responsibility.........just because its convenient in this case?

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so true ButtSb.....
after all they have "equal rights" ...

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Yeah.. the arrogance of human sometimes. I disagree with the bolded part.

Only Allah can save you from zina. Listen to the example of Prophet Yusuf