i’ve observed that those who have a more traditional mindset, have a much wider definition of what a boyfriend ro girlfriend is. whereas those with a more socially liberal mindset have a narrow definition of what makes someone a boyfriend or girlfriend.
for example, meeting a male friend for coffee or lunch would be considered a “date” even though there are no romantic inclinations on either end.
on the other extreme, people here (desi and non-desi) will be physically intimate wiht someone, or spend ltos fo time with them..but still not put the label of bf/gf on their relationship.
keep in mind this isn’t an attack on the values or actions of either group…just something i’ve noticed…
I think it is more about 'declaring' someone your bf or gf . The concept is same as nikkah , when you 'declare' someone as your spouse in front of people .
Yeah i agree with NaMaan .. its basically when you declare someone as your significant other is when you are bf and gf ... till then you're just dating or kinda interested
personally i hate the term boyfriend... for me its like your in limbo.. your not a friend and your not marriage material... its like 'time pass' as they say.
If i had someone before i got married to them (like a boyfriend) i wud never be able to call them a boyfriend.. i dunno call me narrow minded but it just feels haraam lol
buttt i know loadz of girls who are actually going to marry their 'boyfriends' and both of them are madly in love and both sides of the family know about each other... but then thats not like a boyfriend to me. I think THAT comes under the category of fiance.
Fiance sounds halal (and more like he's yours and only your's)
and meeting a collegue for lunch is not a date in my opinion... if that was the case i wud be a social tart... for me its finding someone who wud run to sainsburys with me to go get food coz im hungreh!
According to me, bf/gf is just a declaration of love but without accepting any responsibilities unlike marriages or fiance' relations. Bf and gf can break up and relation can come to an end without even making it more social event . Whereas a divorce will completely prove to be a stigma on persons social behaviour, nature and character.
Guess thts a reason why people prefer to be bf & gf before getting married.
Guess its not wrong if we say its a probation period.lol
In other words, its like other way to say tht " whtever is ther between us can anytime finish " its fancy way .same in crude way wud be a time pass.
But again tht doesnt mean all bf &gf relation is a timepass, most of them end up into marriage but just it doesnt seem to be perfect to put into a society.
According to me, bf/gf is just a declaration of love but without accepting any responsibilities unlike marriages or fiance' relations. Bf and gf can break up and relation can come to an end without even making it more social event . Whereas a divorce will completely prove to be a stigma on persons social behaviour, nature and character.
Guess thts a reason why people prefer to be bf & gf before getting married.
Guess its not wrong if we say its a probation period.lol
In other words, its like other way to say tht " whtever is ther between us can anytime finish " its fancy way .same in crude way wud be a time pass.
But again tht doesnt mean all bf &gf relation is a timepass, most of them end up into marriage but just it doesnt seem to be perfect to put into a society.
yaar B/F , G/F, FIANCE are all the same, the only difference is jab tak family ko nahi pata hai to B/F, G/F hai and when its out in the open it is FIANCE
Now as to what SARA said, here in non traditional waters ppl have a tendency to have probationary period just like a job and to be honest for the longest time ppl just say that we are going out but its not a relationship as they are trying to find out if they are compatible or not, On the other hand our traditional “DESI” log believe in love at first sight, and the one, our desi larkiyaan do not let their guard down till the end and when they do its a big thing for them thus even when they just go out to have a cup of CHAI from cafe pyala ( or tim hortons ) it is a big deal going alone with a guy. In the end its all about upbringing and what limits have been advised.
Last example a lotta girls here in toronto who are “azaad” khayal wear halter tops and bikini tops and have no hesitation as in their eyes they are not doing anything wrong as long as they are not naked, on the other hand i have seen and dated girls who go and buy TANK TOPS and when they where em doesnt matter if its summer or not they will wear a second layer just to cover themselves as even showing arms is a lil much for them.
i've noticed it too. but just the extremes in the two cultures. desi girls who call a male friend a 'boyfriend' as they might meet up without any other friends about. and western people that will sleep with and even date someone but unless he/she sees a future with the other person and will give up sleeping with anyone else, it's not a boy/girlfriend.
Some people r more conservative in the definition like the OP said...but there are also some others like some ABCD's who are at the other end of the spectrum...ie they chill with guys, make out with them and what not and dont refer to them as 'boyfriends' because thats 'haram' ! LOL.
Those chicks make me laugh ! Anyway, like I said there are both sides...my own view is as long as the relationship does not go physical etc or have any sexual tones - there is no harm in referring to that person as a friend. Fullstop.
Soon as the physical or sexual part comes in - thats when the term changes to bf/gf or whatnot.
