Guy n Girl…long story short…are together…head over heels or something…and met both families and visits to both families by both of them…talk of shadi n all going on…
the guy excited that he is gonna have it all…the marriage… perfect wife…all fine…
due to the rishta thing being virtually certain (due to visits of the families)…they lose the line in their heads…and end up getting physical…
the thing is… ever since that incident…the girl has changed her attitude a LOT…she was sweet, lovely and understanding before…now she became authoritative and controlling totally… wants her way with every decision…keeps badmouthing his family too about not receiving appropriate gifts etc etc…
another thing thats disturbing the guy is…the brothers of the girl…they used to respect him a lot before..like typical ‘damaad’ treatment…but eversince that happened…her brothers are already acting up and being rude and mean (compared to before)… they also demand gifts/money from this guy frequently…
this has the guy thinking that may be the girl told her brothers…and they are just trying to use him now…and only after his money…especially because of girl’s changed attitude and her family demanding money and gifts…
the guy did have some arguments with her…but the girl told…u went physical…now you can’t say anything…you have to marry me…you can’t run away now…
thing is…the guy feels totally pressured and helpless now…
one hand its his whole family ki izzat , his own life being miserable with these materialistic people…on the other hand its the girls life that could be destroyed…
so…what should he do?
Keeping in view the sudden red flags…break it off??
or keep the rishta and marry her and face the consequences of marrying into such a family…and possibly live a miserable life???
One thing i really don't understand is..WHY need to get physical when you know you are going to marry the girl anyway. I mean..have little patience. Secondly, the girl is acting up
because she is now emotionally blackmailing him. SO, if i were this guy..i would call off my wedding no matter how tough it would be. May be i am selfish like that..but
word is word. This would be good for girl and this guy.
Btw...i have been in a relationship with my long time girlfriend..and not that i did any phyical with her or anything but she said exactly same thing:
"You've been in relationship with me for long time..YOU HAVE to marry me". Yaa bull i tell ya. I gave her peace of my mind in the boundary and off she went.
she don't seems like soemone who u can get rid of easily, and neither her family seems like a forgiving one....btw, first time i am hearing that when things get serious, brothers instead of giving a piece of mind to their sister, they are demanding gifts.
Check it out if the girl and family have any relationship with Meera and Co? if you know what i mean! Girl asking or imposing her authority after "that" is understandable, she may think that the boy belong to him, but the brothers of girl or other family member doing the same doesn't make any sense....
Check it out if he is stuck with gold-diggers???
and now above the other side of the story, may be they were like this from day one, may be they were asking gifts and all that from day one it is now that the boy had it his way, he is not any more attracted to the girl and his family who may agreed because their boy want to marry her are fueling the fire..
Now have a litmus test, if possible ask the guy to vanish for sometime, week or two or possibly a month, tell the girl and her family that guy need to be on business/work trip and it is going to be long an hard one and due can't be ignored for obvious reason regarding the career...
Let the guy be on his own, free from her and her family, see how does it feels!!! see if he still like to flirt or his heart is still with the girl... and to end/check the gift thing, tell the girl, it is considered bad omen in your family to give valuable and/or lots of gifts before wedding...
"You've been in relationship with me for long time..YOU HAVE to marry me". Yaa bull i tell ya. I gave her peace of my mind in the boundary and off she went.
Uh, what else did you expect? Most desi couples know all longterm relationships lead to marriage. It's your fault for leading her on (why stay in a relationship for so long if you knew it wasn't going to go anywhere? You wasted your and her time). So to give her a "peace" of your mind? That was really dumb. There are other ways to break the news, esp. when the couple is desi and most pre-marriage relationships are nothing short of gambles.
Girls generally become more tense and controlling before weddings since wedding preps freak them out and they have all that tension to deal with. Her behaviour might be unrelated to the sex.
The brothers, well the guy needs to man up and ask them straight out what the deal is. And demand proper treatment bus.
Uh, what else did you expect? Most desi couples know all longterm relationships lead to marriage. It's your fault for leading her on (why stay in a relationship for so long if you knew it wasn't going to go anywhere? You wasted your and her time). So to give her a "peace" of your mind? That was really dumb. There are other ways to break the news, esp. when the couple is desi and most pre-marriage relationships are nothing short of gambles.
Don't want to hijack this thread but wanted to clarify that she became very controlling, and threatening that if i didn't marry she will do this and that. And not to mention..abusing my sisters and my parents. So i competely sympathize with a guy. So next time, before commenting on someone's situation...know the full situation.
In my humble opinion, the guy should break off the engagement.
What is the girl going to do if he breaks it off? Announce to her family and entire desi community that they had sex?
Whether we women like it or now....the fact remains that desi community is far more "forgiving" to men compared to women when it comes to pre-marital sex. If SHE announces that she had sex with him....in my experience with desi community, most "aunties" will bad-mouth HER. SHE will become the topic of "discussion" more than him. Even if she tells people he forced her to have sex.....at the end of the day....unfortunately, SHE will "suffer" the consequences of not being a "virgin" more than the guy as far as reputation is concerned.
He should break off the engagement. If she girl wants to announce to her parents and the entire community that she's not a virgin anymore...let her. In the long run, this "fact" will hurt her more than him.
Just my 2 cents based on my personal experience with desi community.
Jo baatain shahdi ke baad pata chalti hain, ab pata chal gyi
i mean, what kind of girl would tell her brothers about having sex? Considering if they know.... Someone with a spine would beat the crap out of the guy not demand gifts, etc.
I mean call me traditional and super-desi but shouldn't the girl be worried about word getting out that she was physical? Usually you hear about the boy's side blackmailing.
I would listen to what the other posters have said. Sounds like she's playing a game. I don't know the family so I don't want to say anything really mean but I would really question the background of the family. Especially if the girl told her brothers. Sounds like a weird dynamic and not a very izzatdaar family.
And btw, certain norms are to be observed by the guy's family. Perhaps her demands for appropriate gifts is not wrong. There are certain norms which are followed in these situations in pakistan wrt gift give and take. If the guy's family is not doing it, it's ok for her to talk about it. It isnt being materialistic, there is a certain amount of emotional satisfaction and security attached to these types of gifts ie the lena dena of marriage and engagement. It's a welcoming gesture extended and if not extended might make the girl feel insecure about the reaction of the family.
That is how it is. Kind of like not getting an engagement/nikah ring?
Jo baatain shahdi ke baad pata chalti hain, ab pata chal gyi
i mean, what kind of girl would tell her brothers about having sex? Considering if they know.... Someone with a spine would beat the crap out of the guy not demand gifts, etc.
qudrat ne moka dia hai, break it off and move on.
I mean call me traditional and super-desi but shouldn't the girl be worried about word getting out that she was physical? Usually you hear about the boy's side blackmailing.
I would listen to what the other posters have said. Sounds like she's playing a game. I don't know the family so I don't want to say anything really mean but I would really question the background of the family.** Especially if the girl told her brothers. **Sounds like a weird dynamic and not a very izzatdaar family.
Noone is saying she told the brothers. Let's hold off judgement please.