This kind of stems from sara`s thread, about SAHM and working women.
I know of a few people, who have kids and then give them to the parents of the girl/boy to look after for many days a week, 5 days a week, because both parents are working, i even know someone who had her kids live with her mum, because she didnt hve time to look after her own kids. then the girls mother and father moved to wales, and she told the mum to take her daughter with her.................so the girls daughter lives with her nanni...in wales......and her parents are here in london working.....
i find this rotten, its not anyone but the parents of the kids job to look after their own kids, otherwise dnt have them
i also know of people who both work, yet spend the entire months salaries on child care...whats the point.....
because they like their job? Someone's work may not just be a means of making money. Believe it or not, some people are actually lucky enough to work in place which gives them a sense of fufillment and happiness.
Or because they dont want to be completely reliant on their spouse? They want to have something to fall back on if god forbid- the marriage does not work out.
Or because they spent thousands on education and dont want to see it go to waste?
People work for different reasons. Its not because you have kids that this has to change. While I am not sure how I would feel about sending my kids to my parents or in laws all the time, my children will most likely go to daycare for a while.
Yeah, mine was not really an extreme situation.... but we hated it, I cleaned and cleaned but the bugs just wouldn't go away and spraying was out of the question cuz now we had an infant at home. We found out how hard practical life is after we had a baby...... people pass a lot of judgmental comments on me too, when they find out I started working with an 8 month old and at the mention of daycare their eyes go wide.** I just ignore them now :)
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if you have an education and want to pursue career, why do you have kids in that time, why not wait, like alot of gorey, until they are done with their careers, and then have kids/try for kids. you can have both, as long as you can cope with both.
how would you feel if you overheard/realised your parents were not as happy with the situation as they let you think/as you think.
and maintaining a decent family life is what? i think handing them over the ANYONE 5 days a week, 9 hours a day, is not decent family life. my opinion, i am entitled to.as you are yours.
nadz, how do you know that your parents were as happy and OK with letting you and hubby stay in their home and invade their privacy indefinitely until he found a job? they may have just "let you think" they're happy having you in the home, but fact is, the presence of a damaad is always awkward, uncomfortable for the inlaws and makes everything more formal and def restricts your mom in being comfy in her own home having a damaad around.
point is...we all use our relatives, especially parents, in time of need. sometimes its easy for them to help sometimes its alot more difficult...but thats the thing with parents. they'll always be happy to help you no matter how difficult it gets for them and thats called "unconditional love."
I think this concept of your education going to waste if you dont maintain a career/earn money in the end, is quite ignorant and somewhat backwards. Does that mean then that those folks who dont establish a career are not really worth educating? I dunno is that all education means to some people? A very shallow and materliastic thought i think.
There is a saying that educate a man, you educate an individual, educate a woman, and you educate a whole community. That is what true education is about.
As or the topic, a SAHM does not mean she is lazy, uneducated, financially dependent, unhappy with undiciplined kids etc. (whilst that may be case for some) I think in essense they are ones who are really making the true sacrifices, by giving up their personal aspirations for the sake of a much much more difficult, and thankless 24hr job. They do not deserve those labels at all.
Its is the same with working mums, who have no choice but to provide financially. They are going out of thier way for thier kids needs, before thier own. That is the key difference here.
I work around lots of gori grand mothers and it amazes me how much pride they take if they have to baby sit their grandchild.. I never heard them say that it can or may ruin our plan..in fact one of the nurses around here works only 20 hours a week because she baby sits her grandson for 3 days since both parents are in and out of teh city for their business.
In another case, one of our account person just became grandmother the second time and she had already applied for two weeks vacation because she was going to babysit her older grandchild while the parents settled in with the new one and now she leaves work everyday at 1:00 so she oculd prepare dinner for her dil and take the grandson to her place to give her some time with the new baby or just to relax!
see everyone does what they can to spend time with their grand children!
I know an auntie in community who used to help her husband in the business until she had a grand daughter.. now she baby sits her grand daughter and no her daughter doesn't even work and lives a few miles from her parents.. the grandma brings the grand daughter to her place everyday, does gardening with her, takes her to the farm for strawberry picking, to the mall for shopping, teaches her urdu, quran, and last but not least both of them go out for a walk everyday in the evening.. grand daughter in teh stroller and grandma pushing it.. guess what it gives her energy and she takes so much pride in it.. never and ever I heard her say that she is tired or so with that little one..
just a few examples to show how much grand parents love spending time with their grandchildren!!