Hi everyone. I have been reading this forum for many months as a guest and decided to sign up recently. I have an issue and i need some suggestions.
My MIL to be came over our house a year and a half ago and asked for my hand in marriage. Since then, she hasn’t said a word about a wedding. My fiance and I are very close but she doesnt even like it when someone says that we are engaged. She says, ‘abhee tau baat hui hai, mangni nahin’. I get very irritated by this. I mean what else is mangni??? She asked for my hand and my parents said yes and thats it. But there is no word of marriage from her side. My fiance is very pissed off at her and is trying to talk to his parents about a wedding but she keeps saying that we are too young and that she will now do any engagement sometime within the next few months and then later “talk about” a wedding.
He is 28 and I am 24! We are definitely not too young!!! His friends are having babies!!! plus everyone in my MIL’s family keeps telling her kay shaadi karain, shaadi karain but she keeps saying first mangni then we talk — which basically means no shaadi for another year and a half at least.
Other wise she is very nice to me. She wants me to call her at least once a week – which I do. She also calls me, sends me gifts and buys things for me when she goes out. She is not a bad woman – just a little stupid (sadly). I’m not sure how to react to this. I mean, we just want to get married and start our lives but she even refuses to talk to my parents yet about a wedding date…!!
Seems like she has a blindfold on and cant see anything except her excuses!!! ughhhh!
Help
ps: My fiance and I live in a different country than her. She lives in Pakistan. We live in Canada.
ask your fiance to talk to her. maybe she wants big 'mangani' party if thats the case she should go ahead and do it and why wait.
even though she likes you, is she still considering you as her DIL.
maybe after asking for your hand she doesnt want it to be offical or does not want it anymore.
i dont see any reason as to why she is not considering it as managni. maybe she has other plans for mangani/wedding or she doesnt want it anymore.
Damn... Maybe she's sick in the head and can't accept her son's grown up and needs a woman in his life. Just get married and send her pictures from your honeymoon..! :D
On a serious note, how close are you both? As in you and your fiance?
ask your fiance to talk to her. maybe she wants big 'mangani' party if thats the case she should go ahead and do it and why wait.
even though she likes you, is she still considering you as her DIL.
maybe after asking for your hand she doesnt want it to be offical or does not want it anymore.
i dont see any reason as to why she is not considering it as managni. maybe she has other plans for mangani/wedding or she doesnt want it anymore.
Well, my fiance tells me the conversations they have so we know she is considering me to be her DIL. No, she doesn't want the whole big mangni cuz she will have to come to canada and that means none of her relatives would be there or anyone -- Just us! so thats not it. Plus its not about her wanting it or not... we already know what we want as a couple. By the way, this is a love 'marriage'... maybe she has issues with tht???? But not likely since she has been a part of this for like 3 years now! she did the haan and all and everyhting but abb shaadi is a no no...
May be she isn't happy with this match and may be she is hoping if she delays the marriage long enough, you and your family will step down and break it off yourselves - so she doesn't have to look bad infront of her son?
Damn... Maybe she's sick in the head and can't accept her son's grown up and needs a woman in his life. Just get married and send her pictures from your honeymoon..! :D
On a serious note, how close are you both? As in you and your fiance?
Hahah! yeah, maybe she is crazy! lol...
Him and I have been going out for 6 years....
May be she isn't happy with this match and may be she is hoping if she delays the marriage long enough, you and your family will step down and break it off yourselves - so she doesn't have to look bad infront of her son?
Could be except she is loving towards me.... She sent me eid this past eid and calle dme to tell me she wants pictures right away and all.. and uncle (FIL to be) calls me as well and all....
I just think she cant get over the "mera baita abhee chota hai" thing...! ughhhh!
When he left for canada, he was 18.... now he's 28.... she still sees him as that teenager i guess.....
Hahah! yeah, maybe she is crazy! lol...
Him and I have been going out for 6 years....
Damn.... 6 years, eh? That's a very long time to be with someone. She knows this yet she's being difficult... Hmm.. You could be right about her not being able to let go off her son. That's very typical of women that fit her profile. What do your parents say about this? I can imagine if they take the first steps, it won't be traditional and if they keep waiting, then nothing seems to be happening.
Wow.. What a drama queen that woman is!
Only person that can help is your fiance - he should really push his mom. Your FIL sounds more sensible, may be your fiance can speak to him as well. Father and son should try to convince the mom.
^^ No, we already tried that. FIL thinks MIL is crazy! he doesnt want to get involved with her and her tantrums so told my fiance that he needs to convince her on his own.
:(
^ What?!?! What kind of father does that? I'm in shock!
Damn girl... seems like you got your hands full with this ol' woman's dramas. I don't know what to tell you that's practical and that'll be in accordance with traditional.. I can, however, tell you what you ought'a do! Just get married! Seriously! And send her an invite :D
Your fiancee is the only one who can push this to happen. Simply state what the plans are and move forward with it...she will soon catch on if she really loves her pyara sa bacha.
You guys have your own lives to live...marriage, kids, etc. Im sure you have dreams of your own.
I can relate, but I'm not going to say much...I hope your MIL supports this marriage with all her heart rather than just words. Wish you guys best of luck!! :)
This is just wrong -- on so many levels. I don't understand why people don't understand that other people have lives and hopes and dreams too! Why do some people insist on being assh*les for no apparent reason? She needs a serious reality check. Hang in there honey, just hang in there.
I can relate, but I'm not going to say much...I hope your MIL supports this marriage with all her heart rather than just words. Wish you guys best of luck!! :)
Oh CA, I would really like to hear about your story. Please share with me. I feel like i am the only one with this issue....please!
This is just wrong -- on so many levels. I don't understand why people don't understand that other people have lives and hopes and dreams too! Why do some people insist on being assh*les for no apparent reason? She needs a serious reality check. Hang in there honey, just hang in there.
Thank you so much SM. You are so sweet. you made me smile :)
