Wa aleikum us salaam,
It is no conflict, just a frank discussion and so long as there is nothing in the hearts of those discussing an issue and it is based on reason, the discussion is healthy and a good learning experience. So I am not worried and do not think it is conflict, instead a learning experience. I hope you feel the same too.
You have quoted the verse, but unfortunately, you have not provided the exact surah number and verse number. I have not come across any such verse myself, so I want to find out myself too if it exists. The other possibility is that this verse does exist but the translation that you have read, and the one that I have read may be different, and that also happens because each translator translates Quran according to their interpretation. Nonetheless, when we get the verse number, only then the issue will be resolved.
As for the rest of the points, my problem is that we should separate out very clearly what Shari’ah demands and what we decide is right. The reason I say this is because even if we come to a consensus, the decision is not binding and anyone reading this should realize that this is not a Shari’ah directive, rather it was just an intellectual pursuit and consequently a human solution, which may or may not apply.
For the birth control issue, there are two parts to it. First is the one that you have vehemently raised in your previous posts, which is about the total number of children that a couple decides forehand. In such a case, I more or less agree with you and believe that such a couple may not have exhibited complete faith in God being a sustainer and a provider. At the same time, however, it is possible that a couple has had so many children and they feel that until circumstances change for them, they want to avoid more children. This is not necessarily based on sustenance, rather on how much time are the husband and wife able to spend with their children, how much of an active role they are playing in their upbringing and most importantly how much are they helping them with religion. Especially if their children’s afterlife is getting affected because the couple is unable to make them better in religious affairs, then the husband and wife do have a valid reason to not have more children.
Secondly, there is the spacing between the children. Simply the mother can be tired after the first break, and she may need time to psychologically recover. She may not be breastfeeding either for some reason. She is a human and needs all the support of her husband to get her through such difficult times. Alternatively, it is possible that the couple knows they are living hand-to-mouth and having another child at that very moment may lead to malnourishment of the second child or may affect the health of the parents. All these are valid reasons to wait and once the couple is comfortable, they may go ahead and try to have another baby.
Most importantly, once an issue has not been explicitly discussed in Quran and Sunnah, we cannot create a general rule for it. We can provide recommendations. As far as recommendations are concerned, I think it may at best be appropriate to say that unless a couple has a reason to avoid more children, they should try not to, and perhaps nothing more. Doing more than that will be unfair to the religion of God, we’re taking in our hands a domain which God did not explicitly speak of.
Lastly, the most important fact is that if we have more children keeping the material aspects of this world in our mind, then we have done the same thing. If we believe in Islam, then our decision should be based on keeping the consequences of our decisions in the Hereafter in mind. So, one may want to have more children if they can afford and provide them with good education and religious values so they become successful in the Hereafter. On the other hand, the same because in order to achieve material desires compromising education, religious upbringing of the children and they going through unnecessary difficulties because of such decisions, then it may not only be not commendable, rather condemnable.
I hope this helps you understand my point better. If we are saying that more children is better because they do well materially, then that is also something to worry about.
My best wishes and a very good Ramadan to you,
Omer Iqbal