It’s sad that your brother thinks the way he does, it’s wrong and not justified but I think I know the reason why…
We boys are pack animals, we need a group to identity with, whether that’s country, geographical-location, skin-color, caste, gang or football team…
We lads need something to give us belonging, identity and security.
We need something to be nationalistic about and proud of or life starts feeling purposeless and hollow.
Your brother probably sees ‘his group’ as fellow South-Asians, for other people it will be just their own countrymen whether that be Paki or Bengali…
When your brother is with “his boyz” he sees them as his family, his people, they stand up for each other, fight for each other, togather they hate on others different from themselves and others hate on them…
He wants himself and his family to identify with his own group, when his sister marries someone outside his people (South-Asians in his case) he starts seeing her as a traitor, not only that but his group wouldn’t approve of it and it’d be like being stuck between a hard place and a rock for him (does he pick his sister or his group?), he probably also feels shamed and dishonored, just as back in Pakistan for the elders it was all about marrying in the right caste or people will talk, in this country caste is unimportant because most people in our generation don’t even know what acaste is but they do know the difference between brown and white and they strongly identify with their group and don’t approve of anyone who marries outside that group or anyone who has a family member who does so.
I once knew a gora, chav type from a racist area, we would link up as mates but he was always careful not to be seen with me by his white mates, not because he was racist himself but because his own loyalty to his group would be in question.
I know an Irish man who didn’t speak to his sis all his life because she married an Englishman.
I know the feeling of wanting oneself and ones family to belong because I’m a Pashtun-Punjabi hybrid…
When Punjabis called Pathans naswarkhor I’d get angry at them and when Pathans called Punjabis dalkhors I’d get angry at them…
I had a hardtime being accepted as a true Pathan by my paternal cousins because of my maternal family…
…For a while it gave me an inferiority complex and I started being racist to Punjabis just to fit in, I had to pick a side, I use to tell my siblings that we’re all going to marry Pathans because we are dobi ke kuttey and we need to take a side, my siblings thought I was being a retard… But my retarted opinions have changed now because of Islam and I ended up marrying a Punjabi who I love, whilst my siblings who were more Punjabified than me married Pathans.
It all boils down to partianship/nationalism and there is a very thin line between partianship/nationalism and racism.
Partianship is innate, it’s human nature. Islam recognises this human nature but gives a positive alternative, the Ummah to identify with based on common religion which is universal and welcoming of all rather than the exclusive/racist partianships/nationalism based on land, geograhy, race, color, language etc.
If we all started putting more importance on being Muslim rather than Desi, kaala, gora, etc. life would be bliss.