just hope you two haven't shaken hands. if no handshake is involved, you two can go your separate ways... otherwise, you ought to put more effort in since you two have already gone so far...
wonder what maulana MC12IT has to say on this intricate matter... maulana sahib I'd like to purchase one of your microwavable fatwas please...
I dont think its going to work out between you guys...save yourself time and energy...dump him now and find someone else.
I agree.
Ishi,
You simply told your boyfriend that the economic situation is not good in Pakistan and you're right. The economy is strained all over the globe, but it's even tougher in third-world countries like Pak. I came back from Pak only a week ago.
You didn't curse Pakistan.....so there's no reason for him to get so upset. Imagine being married to him in the future. Imagine him getting INSECURE and ANGRY every time you mention England. Imagine him over-analyzing every comment that you might make or every action of yours that pertains to England and your western upbringing................and getting angry.
He told you that he will "break relations" if you say anything "negative" about Pak. That's the mark of an immature **person. Today he is threatening to break relations over your remarks about a country...................tomorrow he might threaten to break relationships over something you say to him or his mom or something you forgot to do, etc. Not only is this a sign of immaturity, it's also a sign of a **controlling person. He thinks that he will be able to control your behavior with his threats. In other words, he thinks that rishta tornay ki dhamki denay se woh tumhay control kar sakta hai.
To remind you...........in Islam, you only need to say "talaq" 3 times for a marriage to be over. This guy might even give you a dhamki/threat for talaq over stupid reasons if you were to marry him.
You guys live on two different continents. Two different environments/cultures. So, naturally he will struggle with understanding Western sayings.......western sense of humor/jokes..........mentality.........etc. Just like YOU might struggle with understanding the mentality/humor/nuances of life in Pakistan.
You said "Every dog has its day".............in Western culture, that's not bad. And one who is familiar with this saying would KNOW that it's not a gaali or a curse/swear word.
BUT..........your BF misinterpreted your saying........and probably thought you were giving him a gali or calling him a "kutta"..........and he retaliated by cursing you out. He always had the option of SEEKING CLARIFICATION like a mature and sensible person before lashing out at you.........but he failed to do that.
How many more galiyan would like to hear? How many more curse/swear words need to be hurled at you before you decide to wake up? How many more clarifications of your intentions and comments are you going to give? How many more times are you going to try and calm him down and WIN his approval after he threatens to break relations? How many more times will you have to listen to his threats?
IF you can endure a lifetime of this............by all means go ahead and marry him and move to Pakistan. But before you do so...........please read the thread of member, Disturbed Angel. She, too, was in a similar situation as you and was warned by us several months ago. Her Bf has now resorted to HITTING her....when before he only cursed at her. Of course......with DA.......there's the possibility that she/he might be a TROLL. But......either way.......respect is every relationship's basic foundation.........and without it you can't have a decent relationships.
If your BF is sooooooooo defensive about Pakistan, then he should have started flirting/having an Internet relationship with a girl who lives in PAK.
My advice...........find another guy.........someone mature n on the same wavelength as you. But alas, the final decision is yours.
you guys are so funny 
Anyways i’m gonna give you my honest opinion. He seems like a very immature guy. This might sound blunt but I still am going to say to this. If you marry him I can guarantee you that you will be posting here if Life1 about hiw bad he is and you want to leave but you can’t coz your mum says aab raho uske sath. We see this all the time. Thora sabar kerlo, complete your studies forget about him and leave the rest on Allah. If I was you I would let my parents choose kal woh koi tanna nahin de sakay ga keh apni manmani ki nateeja dekh lia aab:)
Re: BF swearing at U
I don't agree with you RV. They both seem immature. She didn't write what she said to him about Pakistan so how do you know she didn't curse the country or the people there? It's very easy to show someone in a bad light when you only show what they say once they are angry. What she said when he told her to leave it, imo was what started it all. There are ways to get your point across, it's not like they are getting married tomorrow that she had to convince him right then.
They both have problems with decent communication and understanding. Also, as I said previously why should she have the right to make him move anymore than he does?
This line: "If your BF is sooooooooo defensive about Pakistan, then he should have started flirting/having an Internet relationship with a girl who lives in PAK."
Goes just as much for Ishi as it does for her bf. Why did she start a relationship with a guy assuming she would be able to make him move country just because, you know, 'why would anyone want to stay in pakistan?'
Re: BF swearing at U
he will swear at you again. the fact that he did it once shows it is in his nature. i'm amused at some of the responses here justifying his behaviour. seriously, even if you were badmouthing pakistan, that's no reason to start cussing you out, especially if you are his significant other.
like i said, he did it once, he will do it again. just don't be surprised or hurt next time when he swears at you if you decide to stay with him.
Re: BF swearing at U
honey spare that guy till you get mature.
He clearly told you he takes offense when you say "sh-yt" about pakistan. Its common in ppl back home.
But you kept on going.
you can only annoy guy to a certain level when he is not getting sex from you!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so till you two are married don't dance on his nerve.
I don't agree with you RV. They both seem immature. She didn't write what she said to him about Pakistan so how do you know she didn't curse the country or the people there? It's very easy to show someone in a bad light when you only show what they say once they are angry. What she said when he told her to leave it, imo was what started it all. There are ways to get your point across, it's not like they are getting married tomorrow that she had to convince him right then.
They both have problems with decent communication and understanding. Also, as I said previously why should she have the right to make him move anymore than he does?
This line: "If your BF is sooooooooo defensive about Pakistan, then he should have started flirting/having an Internet relationship with a girl who lives in PAK."
Goes just as much for Ishi as it does for her bf. Why did she start a relationship with a guy assuming she would be able to make him move country just because, you know, 'why would anyone want to stay in pakistan?'
Hey Stoppit,
I may have overlooked some details of her post. But I thought she said that she was talking about the "halaat" or conditions in Pakistan. To me, that didn't sound like she was abusing the country and to make threats to end a rishta on that basis alone.........is a bit extreme. Saying something negative about a country.......is not as bad (in my opinion) as being verbally abusive toward a person.
It's possible that her request (perhaps it was more of a persistent demand than a request) to move to England is what vexed him..........but these issues can be worked on in an civil manner without making threats. And I know the girl herself made a threat later on.....but it seems like she was mimicking him. Can't have a relationship where both parties are always going to call it quits when they don't agree on something. If the guy is so defensive about Pakistan and intends on living there..............then he should have thought twice before starting a relationship with a girl who lives abroad. And I know this can go both ways....though I forgot to mention it. The girl/poster should have considered this as well. Because geographical location is not the only issue here......there will naturally be a difference in mentality/culture/attitude/etc as well.
I don't know how things were going in their relationship before it got to this point. Maybe it has been tense for quite some time. From the post, I understand that he made the threat to end things first. And he also wanted to tattle-tale to her mom. Imagine being married to someone......who will want to complain to mommy about her beti every time he doesn't like what she does or says or every time he misunderstands her because of the cultural difference.
They're both immature.......you're right about that Stoppit........(but maybe one more so than the other). Anyhow, I don't they should pursue a marriage because there are several concerns/red flags.
honey spare that guy till you get mature. He clearly told you he takes offense when you say "sh-yt" about pakistan. Its common in ppl back home. But you kept on going.
you can only annoy guy to a certain level when he is not getting sex from you!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so till you two are married don't dance on his nerve.
You smacked it!!! Well done! If you p*ss a man off ONLINE then theres some serious issues. after he gets his nookie he'll be like '' pakistan what?''
Hey Stoppit,
I may have overlooked some details of her post. But I thought she said that she was talking about the "halaat" or conditions in Pakistan. To me, that didn't sound like she was abusing the country and to make threats to end a rishta on that basis alone.........is a bit extreme. Saying something negative about a country.......is not as bad (in my opinion) as being verbally abusive toward a person.
I am in no way justifying what he said but,
He did ask her to stop saying s*** about pakistan so whatever she was saying about the 'halaat' must have been provocative.
He swore at her after he thought she called him a dog (trust me, if you don't know that proverb that's how it comes across). Horrible tit for tat but it didn't come from nowhere.
The problem is not just with the guy, it's with both of them and this 'relationship' in general. That's my only point.
^ You're right about that....they're both immature....and I see that now with the points that you've brought up.
But, not liking a country shouldn't be reason enough to call it quits, in my opinion. I'm sure there are married couples of the same nationality where one feels a stronger bond with the motherland than the other who might be more critical....but they manage to compromise on the issue of where to live, or to do discuss matters in a civil manner, etc.
I didn't like the tattling bit....that's a turn off. Plain and simple, they're both not ready for marriage......at least not to one another.
^ You're right about that....they're both immature....and I see that now with the points that you've brought up. ** But, not liking a country shouldn't be reason enough to call it quits, in my opinion. I'm sure there are married couples of the same nationality where one feels a stronger bond with the motherland than the other who might be more critical....but they manage to compromise on the issue of where to live, or to do discuss matters in a civil manner, etc.**
I didn't like the tattling bit....that's a turn off. Plain and simple, they're both not ready for marriage......at least not to one another.
To the bolded - Of course and if they were mature this would have been discussed sensibly and they could have come to some mutual agreement in regards to the future.
I have seen it time and again in relationships where the language and understanding is a problem that people resort to petty threats and heavy language to try to get their point across... that and when people are generally hot tempered and haven't learnt to control it.
To the bolded - Of course and if they were mature this would have been discussed sensibly and they could have come to some mutual agreement in regards to the future.
I have seen it time and again in relationships where the language and understanding is a problem that people resort to petty threats and heavy language to try to get their point across... that and when people are generally hot tempered and haven't learnt to control it.
To the bolded- yes, I agree with that as well. That can sometimes be just as difficult obstacle to overcome as geographical location. It may even be tougher. It's more than the language......it's also the nuances/humor/style of speaking....what one person considers a non-issue is a huge deal to another....
LOL..........it reminds me of how my mom will sometimes take our comments in English and translate them in urdu.............and that way the English comments sound more severe (in urdu). She'll say......."To you guy's it's only this......lekin meri zubaan main is ka yeh matlab hai." And then we tell her that it's not the same. Yup.......language is very complex.
can you two please stop derailing this thread by using reason, common sense, etc? this thread was going in such an interesting direction and you two have practically ruined it with logic, sensibility, maturity, etc...
in the future, please avoid and let threads take their natural course. thank you.
Re: BF swearing at U
No i did not curse the country ......i woz only telling him how things r getting worse in pk every day
I sent him a mail n that’s wat I wrote in the mail:
Agar woh (PK) aik safe jaga hoti to merary parents ko koi prob na hoti mujay shadi k bad pak baijny mai
but tum sab khuch jantay ho k pak mai aj kul kaya ho raha hy
mujay to khuch kehnay ki zarorat he nahe hy ……….i know k hamara mulkh hy jaisa b hy …….mujay piyar hy pakistan say n beleive mai
mai pak ki behtari k liy doa kerti ho hamesha BUT u can't ignor the fact k pak mai life bahot mushkil hy (Specially 4 middle class famliez)
HER cheez mai prob hy
perhai/Jobs/health/bijli/water her cheez k masly hy wahan
That’s all I said to him and he got angry
Now u ppl tell me mai nay kaya galat kaha hy?
kaya yeh sab wahan nahe hy?
N also when he woz reffering back to the proverb he said "Tumharay gher walo ny bataya nahi k kis terha baat kerni chahiy
tumhain........yeh terbiyut di hay gher wlao nay?"
Ok fi9 he didn’t understand the meaning ………but he could have asked me b4 questioning n taunting me about my upbringing
N he DOES swear from the start but I thought I MIGHT change him one day
Everybody isa mixture of good and bad qualities
He is a very nice guy but ghusay mai he has no control over himself……:(
And One more thing i would like to share is that at start when my parents didn't knew about him (Well i only told my mother about him...My father doesn't know anything about him YET) so when ever we had a fight......he would txt me or ring me n if i dun pick up the fone he wud threaten me k "Agar meri call pick na ki to mai tumharay gher p fone kerlo ga n us k bad jo b hoa us ki zimadar tum hogi"
Last time he apologised 2me n said k "Main nay ghussay mai keh dia tha i didn;t mean it"
But aj hamari argument hoi n us nay fir wohi khuch kia n em soo hurt this time ......i trust him enough i know he woudn't do anything like that but because he has threaten me b4 aswell ........ i do hava feeling sometimes k shayad who aisa ker day
N em having my exams at the moment .i told him k plz itne choti choti bato p larai mut kero………is larai ki waja sy mai apni perhai p concentrate nahe ker pati But us per khuch aser he nahe ho raha hez continuously fighting with me :(
kaya kero ab mai :(?????
[quote]
wonder what maulana MC12IT has to say on this intricate matter... maulana sahib I'd like to purchase one of your microwavable fatwas please...
[/quote]
uh-ho puttar, molana has already given his valuable inputy.. plz looky and stay in line to get my attention next time.
well, Ishi, imo, you need to figure out your priorities. I think the main problem is that your top priority seems to be your education... and maybe your boyfriend seems ignored? so, what do you need to do is stop focusing on your education (consider dropping out of school) and focus on him... this guy deserves all your time and energy. he should be your only priority. forget about everything else.
and the fact that he blackmails you by telling you that he will tell your father about the true online love that you two share only shows how much he truly loves you. blackmail is the definitive sign of true love.
in conclusion, I stand by my original advice - he seems like a keeper. consider running away with him. you two will be so happy together. good luck. :)
Re: BF swearing at U
Why are you with him again?
Ishi, i think he's the type of guy who would prefer to live in Pakistan regardless of what happens there. I don't think he care about bomb blasts, jobs market, health care, education etc etc. He's the type of person who just loves Pakistan and wouldn't tolerate someone telling him Pakistan's halaat are not nice, economy is this & that etc.
While on the other hand, you are a type of person, like many asians living in western countries, who moan's about Pakistan halaat everyday. Things like, education, healthcare, economy and the thought of living in a country like Pakistan gives you nightmare & headache.
You both had a completley different upbringing and the kind of lifestyle you are used to is something not so easily available in Pakistan (unless you are rich). You are going to face some serious difficulties should you decide to move back home, it won't be easy. You will need time as well as patience to settle down, a luxury most brits don't have (and judging by your posts, i seriously doubt you have it).
Having said that, i don't think your future with this guy seems bright, unless you completely change yourself and get used to Pakistan's lifestyle. Asking him to move to this country will not change things either, simply because he hasn't got a clue about western lifestly & culture.
So, just sit down and think about this drama all over again. Better to put an end to this now than to cry & regret later on. :)
Re: BF swearing at U
Being angry is one thing and using such words that you described is another. If he's already abusing you, I can't imagine what he'll do once you guys are married. People can be insulting towards each other when mad, but this kinda language shouldn't be acceptable.
Re: BF swearing at U
hey i think he does not know abt that proverb and he thot that u sed that to him....sometimes it happens....tell him the real meaning wen he is a bit cold...