Inspired from another thread:
If your partner or spouse cheated on you, would you want them to come clean and tell you about their infidelity or do you think it’s better off being ignorant about what happened? The affair is over with no chance of happening again. Explain your position please.
Re: Better to know or remain ignorant?
To tell me..
Re: Better to know or remain ignorant?
I would want my spouse to come clean
Re: Better to know or remain ignorant?
An extra-marital affair is cheating. It should be disclosed and fences should be mended. It will be very heart wrenching for the other partner if they find it out through other sources.
Re: Better to know or remain ignorant?
sach se bhagne ka koi faida nahi. truth can be hurtful bt so can be life at times.
Re: Better to know or remain ignorant?
No I wouldn't.
The way I see it, when someone has an affair its a personal failing on their part as a person...not on mine as a spouse. Telling me will only cause me strife and heartache....and possibly lead to breakup of the marriage..even if he promises he will enver do it again it will just stay in my head that he cheated...if he did it once he can do it again...all trust would be gone.
Re: Better to know or remain ignorant?
^ That is an interesting point, when I read the op, my opinion was that I would definitely want to know, but it is actually true that the bottom line is that it is a personal failing of that individual, who will have to repent for it themself.
Re: Better to know or remain ignorant?
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Re: Better to know or remain ignorant?
No I wouldn't.
The way I see it, when someone has an affair its a personal failing on their part as a person...not on mine as a spouse. Telling me will only cause me strife and heartache....and possibly lead to breakup of the marriage..even if he promises he will enver do it again it will just stay in my head that he cheated...if he did it once he can do it again...all trust would be gone.
An interesting perspective. But, I guess what troubles me is the idea of continuing to trust and respect someone who is no longer worthy of that trust and respect. The sin may be the individual's but wouldn't you say the transgression was against his/her vows of fidelity to you?
Re: Better to know or remain ignorant?
Wouldn't want it to happen to my enemy let alone myself. Cant find words to answer such a harrowing possibility.
Re: Better to know or remain ignorant?
No I wouldn't.
The way I see it, when someone has an affair its a personal failing on their part as a person...not on mine as a spouse. Telling me will only cause me strife and heartache....and possibly lead to breakup of the marriage..even if he promises he will enver do it again it will just stay in my head that he cheated...if he did it once he can do it again...all trust would be gone.
I agree with this. Assuming I had no idea that he was cheating on me and was perfectly happy in the marriage, what good will come out of his confession IF he still wants to stay married? I will be hurt and angry...and most likely opt for divorce. Now imagine children in the situation. There is no positive outcome to his confession. My husband might feel some misguided sense of relief b/c he confessed and asked forgiveness....but that confession will tear my world apart (and the kids if any).
So no, if he cheated, I would not want him to confess on his own if I didn't discover the affair or suspect anything.
Re: Better to know or remain ignorant?
I agree with Sara. I think once I knew I would find it hard to forgive and to completely trust again
Re: Better to know or remain ignorant?
I agree with Sara. I think once I knew I would find it hard to forgive and to completely trust again
But what about the fact that he doesn't deserve to be trusted?
Re: Better to know or remain ignorant?
No I wouldn't.
The way I see it, when someone has an affair its a personal failing on their part as a person...not on mine as a spouse. Telling me will only cause me strife and heartache....and possibly lead to breakup of the marriage..even if he promises he will enver do it again it will just stay in my head that he cheated...if he did it once he can do it again...all trust would be gone.
I agree with this. Assuming I had no idea that he was cheating on me and was perfectly happy in the marriage, what good will come out of his confession IF he still wants to stay married? I will be hurt and angry...and most likely opt for divorce. Now imagine children in the situation. There is no positive outcome to his confession. My husband might feel some misguided sense of relief b/c he confessed and asked forgiveness....but that confession will tear my world apart (and the kids if any).
So no, if he cheated, I would not want him to confess on his own if I didn't discover the affair or suspect anything.
That is an interesting perspective
However I for one, wouldn't want my husband just having an affair and then keeping quiet.............its not confronting the real issue
What if, since he didn't get 'caught' the first time, he decides to have another affair? I don't know........ its almost like your living a lie......
Re: Better to know or remain ignorant?
^ If one truly repentant, they wouldn't.
Re: Better to know or remain ignorant?
Better to know.
-I love myself and I don't deserve to be with a cheater
-Don't want to and can't love a cheater
-possibility of STDs
-it will eventually come out unless he has a heart of steel and a non-existent conscience
-if I'm young when it happens, I can move on more easily with better chances of finding a new life/man
Although I do understand that ignorance is bliss.
Re: Better to know or remain ignorant?
better to lay all your cards on the table and be completely honest because the truth will come out sooner or later.
Re: Better to know or remain ignorant?
**Once you know , do you think you can TRUST that person ever again ? Knowledge of the affair when its over will only break the sanctity of bonds that hold the marriage together. Once a Cheat ALWAYS a Cheat .....THAT"S the only thing that will stick in your mind after knowing of his transgression......so even if you tell yourself that its over and he won't do it again , whenever he is late or doesn't contact you for any reason the first thing that your gonna think is he's doing it again.....that's pure human response !
I wouldn't stay with that person when they have basically violated the sanctity of marriage......once you betray my trust , I cannot trust you ever again.
Telling a spouse or coming clean with it only helps the person who transgressed to get over the "guilty conscience" so they can feel "Better" about themselves.........I don't think they deserve that......they deserve the guilt trips and the prick of the conscience , it was their mistake they should not burden their spouse with that knowledge.
Lot of people will talk about "Forgiveness" , but its easier to say that as a bystander , but put the same holier than thou person in that situation I doubt they will continue to forgive or forget within a marriage.
Trust is a fragile thing and its earned and once broken especially with an act like this , to earn it back would be herculean task to say the least.
There are marriages where one or other party has cheated on the other and they still stay in the marriage .....I highly doubt its cuz of trust rather other factors e.g children , finance etc that keeps them in that marriage.**
Re: Better to know or remain ignorant?
I would want to know if my SO cheated on me. It will be extremely difficult for me, for sure. But I am not interested in being with someone who can not keep promises as big as this. It is indeed a personal failing on the cheater's part.
Re: Better to know or remain ignorant?
I'd rather know..
The affair is over with no chance of happening again. Explain your position please.
Also, I'd want to know if the reason for the bit in bold is cos he would never want to or just he** can't for some other reason such as she dumped him, her husband/bf found out or she moved away or something.. Ignorance isn't bliss for me and I'm not a weak person who needs to stay in a 'sham' marriage so I'd **probably dump him and move on. Also, like someone already mentioned there's the issue of stds..