…inspired by another thread.
If someone very close to you has wronged you or hurt you and they are a stubborn personality, would you take the initiative and make the first move for a reconciliation or would you wait for them to admit their fault and apologize to you?
Re: Being the first to forgive...
you what to forgive someone is a big thig because we are so proud and egotistic that we will never back down, however if you forgive someone you are the bigger person. however it is difficult for people to forget, i can forgive but i can never ever ever forget and i dont know why but i feel that if a person hurts me one without hesitation they will do it again :(
Re: Being the first to forgive…
Depends who it is really.
Generally speaking, I usually make the first move - only because I can’t take the tension after an argument. And also because I can’t sleep on an argument - so everything needs to be sorted out before bed time. :halo:
Re: Being the first to forgive...
Totally depends who it is...............
If a person i really love, then i will forget and forgive............ but if someone i don't like then i never forget... but forgive him/her.
I have made rule in my life............. if my friend hurts me........ i fight with him/her........ clarify everything.......... give him/her chance to clarify her/her position and then forgive....... forgetting is another thing......... i have good memory so i can't forget things easily..........
Re: Being the first to forgive...
If they are family and very close friends I will forgive and forget without them apologizing. But for acquaintances , strangers , co-workers , classmates , neighbors etc the rules are different. If they do not apologize then I will not interact with them anymore and cut off all ties.
Re: Being the first to forgive…
No i wouldn’t. And it has nothing to do with ego but just the fact that if we keep letting people live in their stubborness, they will never change. I would suppose if its family, its is all the more reason to want to get them back on the right track. You don’t really have to say sorry to make things better or to show that you realise your mistake, if you make sure you don’t repeat the same mistake i would take it as a initiative and hence i will be fine with them. However if they chose to remain ignorant then i won’t bother with them either 
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Re: Being the first to forgive…
so those ppl will have an unforgiving behaviour towards you when you make a mistake… right? and will make sure u wont repeat the same mistake again…right??
just a general remark - - we are all humans and we all make mistakes, so we should treat others as we would like to be treated by them
Re: Being the first to forgive...
it is ramadan time. just forgive him/her now. rest of the issue can be dealt later.
Re: Being the first to forgive…
Yup and that’s the way i think it should be for everyone so why would i expect a different behavior for myself?!
If i don’t repent for my mistake, how will i ever learn or grow out of it? And if i can’t apologize for it or make sure i don’t do it again, then WHY do i need to be forgiven? 
Re: Being the first to forgive…
i beg to disagree one of the reasons being it goes against the basic teaching of prophet muhammad pbuh
anyhow, if the world was based on ur theory, it would have collapsed long time ago
Re: Being the first to forgive...
...inspired by another thread.
If someone very close to you has wronged you or hurt you and they are a stubborn personality, would you take the initiative and make the first move for a reconciliation or would you wait for them to admit their fault and apologize to you?
I would do the best to forgive them for my sake. Anger hurts me more than it hurts the other person.
If I try to reconcile or not depends on the kind of relationship it was. If it was clear that the person didn't care about me, then I won't even go close to them, ever. Sometimes people care about you but get too stuck in their own dysfunctional patterns, which just means that they're not capable to really care about someone, yet. I wouldn't reconcile with them either. Until at least I learn somehow that they've grown up and dealt with their issue.
But if the relationship was good enough and a major disagreements made things bitter, I wont mind taking the first step to reconcile.
Re: Being the first to forgive...
i beg to disagree one of the reasons being **it goes against the basic teaching of prophet muhammad pbuh
**
how? care to explain?.
Allah asks his followers to repent for their mistakes and seek forgiveness for the wrong they have done.
Re: Being the first to forgive...
Not always so black and white. There have been times where I've made the first step to break the ice....and there have also been times where I get so tired of the same old crap from a person that I just decide it's better to either omit them from my social life or maintain a distance.
Re: Being the first to forgive...
I would forgive. As soon as my anger / hurt calmed down - might take a few hours, a night, a few days max. But no doubt I would forgive.
I'd never completely cut ties off with anyone, but I would then distance myself from certain people. You have to realise, that as much as Islam advocates forgiving, Allah has also given you the responsibility of protecting your heart - you have to protect yourself from people who hurt you. So be wise about it, distance yourself and carry on with life. But I would always forgive.
Narrated by Anas ibn Malik (RA): Allah's Messenger peace be upon him said to me: My son, if you are in a position to pass your morning and evening keeping your heart free from malice against anyone, then act according to it (this high ideal). He then said: My son, and that is my Sunnah, and he who loves my Sunnah, in fact loves me and he who loves me, will be with me in Paradise. [Tirmidhi]
People used to act a hell of a lot worse with the Prophet SAW then what we go through - including his own blood relatives. But it is the Sunnah to forgive.
Re: Being the first to forgive...
Sorry I didn't really answer the question. As soon as I'd get over the hurt stage, I would try my best to be the first to apologise. But yeh, it can be a bitter pill to swallow when you feel it's not your fault.
Re: Being the first to forgive...
"seek forgiveness"
if you are not willing to forgive, if i am not willing to forgive, or anyone for that matter then by principle no one will give or even seek forgiveness - meaning total collapse
get it?
how? care to explain?.
Allah asks his followers to repent for their mistakes and seek forgiveness for the wrong they have done.
Re: Being the first to forgive...
"seek forgiveness"
if you are not willing to forgive, if i am not willing to forgive, or anyone for that matter then by principle no one will give or even seek forgiveness - meaning total collapse
get it?
i know what you are saying but i still feel the one who makes the mistake should be the first one to amend things and i am sure the other person wl forgive them. Even if they dont, they dont stand to loose because we do our part by apologising and Allah is all knowing.
However i m nt saying that the other person cant be the bigger person n just initiate the process, but honestly how many of those exist in this world?
Re: Being the first to forgive...
agreed
i know what you are saying but i still feel the one who makes the mistake should be the first one to amend things and i am sure the other person wl forgive them. Even if they dont, they dont stand to loose because we do our part by apologising and Allah is all knowing.
However i m nt saying that the other person cant be the bigger person n just initiate the process, but honestly how many of those exist in this world?
Re: Being the first to forgive...
I have no issues apologizing when i'm in the wrong but no way in hell am I going to apologize to anybody when THEY wronged me. (well..not any more :p)
Re: Being the first to forgive...
Nope.
My sister did not talk to me for three years for some unknown reason. She just "hated" me. I don't know how I could have avoided it but she decided I was not worth her time anymore and she stopped talking to me entirely. She did not apologize until the day I got married. Somehow just my presence bugged her. I did not apologize, i didn't understand what I did wrong. I waited for her to come to me and say sorry. Now we get along like nothing ever happened. It's weird. If I said sorry to her, she would have never realized what she was doing was extremely hurtful.