We all love our parents, there is no doubt and no question in that but many a times we are angry at them or just react in an inappropriate way, sometimes even unintentionally.
Same is my case. My parents are entering their old age - father is in 60s, mother is in late 50s. They are very sweet but with age their fears are increasing and they just tend to be extra careful with us. They keep repeating things even though they are aware of our answer. I know its all just care but its gotten to such a high level that they dont realize it. My mum would sometimes repeat the same thing 5-6 times and we would give the same answer and would lose our temper at the end. Then, she tends to feel we are being rude to her. Same is with my father, when he wants something he wants it just right there and then - no matter you are sleeping, studying, eating, praying what ever. He just wants it really quickly.
Although, these are minor things. Please do not interpret from any of this that we love them any less than any of you or any one at all. We i.e. me and my siblings love them to bits but we lose our temper when they are being impatient with us. So what do you people do in such situations when parents are being extra protective, possessive, not giving space, repeating stuff, not listening, not being patient etc? ANy good ways to tackle it because i am not a badtameez child and dont like being called one so to control my temper when i might be misbehaving just suggest some things.
Daffy, my parents are starting to be the same way, in terms of memory and repeating things or some other stuff that can easily annoy us. But like i remind my siblings, its not like they do this on purpose. If i am having a bad day and end up being short tempered myself, i always say sorry, after all we are all humans.
Its actually pretty sad to see your parents slowly lose some of their personality:(
I can understand what your saying and I guess it happens to each child...but everytime they say that..just think back when you were small and used to ask them to repeat the same thing 10 times because you forgot or you couldnt understand..........the cycle repeats itself....did they get angry at you then? No....thats why parents are parents :)
Have sabr....i understand where your coming from though...its normal....
^So true TabuB. Just a few days ago I witnessed the scene - Kid asking parents a million times. My nephew saw his uncle playing a game on the Pc where the car got broken and he asked his mum at least 10 times - no kidding - "Mama kya hua" .. "mama car ko kya hua" and my bhabhi gave her the answer without losing her temper.. because she is the parent!
Its old age...nothing more then that. Be normal aorund them and with them...dont let them feel like they're losing it. I am sure you dont do that anyway.
You should pray, be patient and if you start to lose your temper...read some sort of dua for yourself.
same with my folks but i just get on with it be patient and am kinda a use to it now. makes me think how lucky i am to av my folks coz when they gone then u miss um really bad - u miss evrything about them then.
so take it easy n just chill dont take ur a
ger on them try do it away from them.
As you say you need to be PATIENT with them. At the same time - discuss these things one on one in a very polite manner.
It's good to have a conversation about expectations. (from both sides)
Old age isn't pretty. They have health issues and there comes a time where they cannot move, adapt or change very quickly. Today's world might be a bit fast paced for them.
My mum would sometimes repeat the same thing 5-6 times and we would give the same answer and would lose our temper at the end. Then, she tends to feel we are being rude to her. Same is with my father, when he wants something he wants it just right there and then - no matter you are sleeping, studying, eating, praying what ever. He just wants it really quickly.
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Isnt it amazing the cycle of life! When we were little children, our nagging of our parents never stopped. 24/7 we asked question after question after question, endlessly. When we were a baby, we just let out one scream and cry and our parents came running, regardless of whether it was the middle of the night, or they were eating, or entertaining guests etc. I think thats whats important to remember. Our parents did SO so SO much for us, we cant even imagine. They were there for us every second that we needed them and sacrificed so much for our own happiness and comfort. Now that they have reached an old age and need you, just do your best to be there for them as much as you can and make everything easy for them. Sabr is really important, but also shukr. Be grateful for these moments you have with them and for the fact that you are actually able to help them. How many people live miles and miles away from their parents and would love to have an opportunity to be with them. How many people's parents have passes away and now they regret all those lost moments. So no matter how difficult it seems at times, just try to cherish it and do the best you can. And remember that one day you too will grow old and weak. You will ask the same questions over and over. You will demand for something and expect to receive it right away. And more often than not, your children will treat you the way you treated your parents!
I dont think its memory loss they are going through. Its just extra care. 2 of my siblings are not around so they tend to be really careful with the 2 of us who are here. They care a bit too much, probably it is the fear of losing a kid or that their kid would remain with us or not so love them as much. i dont know really. e.g. my brother was travelling to another city and he was going to have aftari mid way. My mother asked him that should i make you aftari for the way. He said No mama, i will manage. He didnt want her to go through making everything for him 2-3 hours before aftari. So then she again asked should i make you fruit chaat or pakoray, why eat from outside. He said mama, its not a problem just give me khajoor and that will be fine. Then after a while, she again said that how about i make you samosay instead. My brother again Mama jee, its all fine no problem really! Then after a while she came up with another idea for his aftari and so on. Of course, its all care from her end and its just completely sweet but they already know the answer and repeating again and again. They get so worried in less than a second if something is wrong with us. We try to relax them that it is okay no big deal, no big issue, nothing to worry but afterall they are parents and get so worried.
I dont think a doctor is needed. Its just old age and extra care / protectiveness thats all! I just sometimes find it difficult to deal with situations as patiently without hurting them and putting my point across too. Just last week, i came back from a long shift of 11 hours. I was so tired and just lied down for a minute or so. My dad said go change first and then sleep properly. I said ill just go in 5 minutes, just need to be fresh. Dad thought i misbehaved by not listening to what he had said when in fact i just said i am very tired, ill just need 5 minutes rest and i will definitely change. I dont and can never sleep in my office clothes. After any such episode, i just feel so guilty that i could have better handled the situation without losing my temper or handling them patiently.
These are just small examples - i know none of them is serious or anything wrong from their end. Its just their way of showing love and care. Sometimes, its just not our way and they are unable to see our perspective.
Daffy, your parents behaviour is normal for their age (I think so anyway!). Re. your mother, your brother should allow her to do something for him at iftar time if that is what she wants to do. It will make her feel needed and useful rather than dependent and useless.
As for dad, just say "ji" or keep quiet, they can get quite sensitive to any other response!
Just wondering...Do you think that maybe it is YOU who changed and not your parents, that this is just their reaction to the changes. From the examples that you gave, it seems like what has happened is that you have become more independent and autonomous, but your parents have not changed. They used to give iftar to their kids, and their kids ate w/o thinking. Now their child is saying- don't worry, I'll take care of myself- this is a novel situation b/c iftar was never refused before, and now, your mom is concerned.
With your dad situation, you would listen as soon as you were told something to do, and now that you're like "it's fine i'll change in a minute" it's again a different situation for him and he feels it undermines his authority.
Being overprotective is natural especially with 2 kids out of the nest, they just want to hold on to their family as long as possible, and also some of the attention that used to go to your 2 other sibs is now on you so you have double the attention. You have to now be understanding of them- just do what is pleasing to them. The situations you describe are normal and happen all the time in my family. in your case, i think maybe each event is building up and every small thing makes you more and more annoyed. I believe your family is going through a transition stage, and in a few months, you'll all adjust- your parents will respect your independence and not be overly concerned, and you will realize how to balance your respect for them while maintaining your autonomy.
I dont agree with getting angry over them thing at all....try to be in their shoes, think what they have done to raise you up. and u r becuz they sacrificied their everything. now we should some sharam to be polite and paitent and respectful towards them.
At no cost, no cost one can justify being angry or ignorant with them.
My mom's 45 and she tells me a story twice or thrice. I keep on reminding her that I already know it because you can't listen to the same thing 3 times.
But she is obviously telling you the story because she wants to tell it again. Maybe she doesnt remember that she told it to you 3 times already or maybe she just loves to tell it again and again. Either way I personally think its better to smile and listen gently rather than tell her that she has already told it, which might hurt her feelings and make her feel like what you are really saying is that you dont care to hear her story. Just my personal opinion
