I was talking to this girlfriend of mine today who happens to be bi-sexual. She broke the news to me today that she was getting married. Her exact words were “Conch you won’t believe it they’re sending me off to the slaughterhouse!”.
All these years she felt subjected by her father’s rules and now she’ll be subjected to another man (her husband). This is the argument she uses when she explains why she prefers to have female partners over men. She explains that most women she had been involved with were 95% of the time would reciprocate the “love”, be it physically, emotionally and mentally.
Being with a man, even as a friend one has to make certain “adjustments”, they never feel what we’re feeling, they can’t identify with our mental trauma etc etc. In the end she just feels so much better when she’s with women. She has had relationships with men before but it always had an ugly end.
I don’t approve of her lifestyle or her way of living…but she is my friend…and I do listen to her and help her when she needs me.
However what she said made me think, I do have more male friends that female friends, but the female friends that I have I adore them, they can read me, I don’t have to tell them the whole story, they understand. With a man it’s like they empathise with you but somehow you have to keep bits to yourself coz you can’t be open out it or you know that they probably won’t understand.
I don’t agree that marriage is “being led to the slaughterhouse”…but maybe…just maybe we do limit our ability to feel, know, communicate when we’re married simply because we know that HE may just not understand…not that he doesn’t care…but just that he won’t understand…
errrmm just because guys cant understand us, we cant start marrying women :-/
I think of it this way..wat we are, they arent..wat they are, we arent...in a way we complete each other and I honestly find talking to him more comforting then talkin to my female friends but then again when I am talkin to girls they can relate but it doesnt mean he doesnt understand its just he sees it in a different ways
Hey dont get me wrong..I'm not trying to justidy her lifestyle in any way..nor am I saying we're better off being lesbians...all I'm saying is that do women switch a part of themselves off when they get married...
Like do we have to ignore a part of our feelings and emotions because it may look “silly” to our husband? Are we in fact “slaughtering” off that part of us?
^^ i dont think you will have to switch off yourself/emotions, bec they will be there to offer a different perspective, something you overlooked. sure they wont understand exactly what you are feeling, but they will be able to support you in a way a woman couldnt.
i think its good that one person be emotional & the other less... you will be able to evaluate the world & the situations you will face by knowing each side... since the word is made up of men & women you will get a beter understanding of all around you.
If marriages are for sharing feelings and all, I dont approve of them. There is more to it than just sit up and talk. Moreover, even emotions have to be focussed, girls often care for their emotional needs forgetting that tje other too have some.
Its somewhat a taboo to consider them to be forced upon. Propaganda has worked successfully over the time. I believe arrange marriages are easier to live and deal with.
[QUOTE] Originally posted by *Aijaz 5-26: *
If marriages are for sharing feelings and all, I dont approve of them. There is more to it than just sit up and talk. Moreover, even emotions have to be focussed, girls often care for their emotional needs forgetting that tje other too have some.
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so what do you think marriage is then? Halal sex and a means to populate the earth with your offspring?
what exactly is there to marriage, if two people can't share how they feel to each other? If they can't help each other out and be there for each other, no matter what?
If i'm upset about a certain thing that's bothering me, why shouldn''t I tell my husband? Likewise, if hes pissed and wants to vent, I'll be there to listen to him.
You don't have to solve each others problems but just be there and listen carefully, that's all
Its somewhat a taboo to consider them to be forced upon. Propaganda has worked successfully over the time. I believe arrange marriages are easier to live and deal with.
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i believe arranged marriages are fine and i've no problem with them, but unfortunately in our society most girls don't have the option to say "no" to a rishta she doesnt' like or to delay marriage in order to complete her studies, or just dismiss the idea of marriage altogether
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*Originally posted by lastknightess: *
do we have to ignore a part of our feelings and emotions because it may look “silly” to our husband? Are we in fact “slaughtering” off that part of us?
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i don't believe its like that .....he can be the bestest of friend ....n in friendship there is no 'have to' , i think !
so what do you think marriage is then? Halal sex and a means to populate the earth with your offspring?
what exactly is there to marriage, if two people can't share how they feel to each other? If they can't help each other out and be there for each other, no matter what?
If i'm upset about a certain thing that's bothering me, why shouldn''t I tell my husband? Likewise, if hes pissed and wants to vent, I'll be there to listen to him.
You don't have to solve each others problems but just be there and listen carefully, that's all
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Discussing and solving problems are a big okay but discussing is not just dictating or narating. Honestly, girls dont have the patience to listen to opinions but approvals. So if its discussing, its them talk and talk. Coming to solution, they will have their reservations if things are solved. That thank you part always ends like "It could have been done better"
What else is to marriage? Discussing philosophy and the purpose of life. Its boring, right?
If its your beauty that I have to chant to keep you happy after you are mine, I am sorry I chose not a happier way to live.
i believe arranged marriages are fine and i've no problem with them, but unfortunately in our society most girls don't have the option to say "no" to a rishta she doesnt' like or to delay marriage in order to complete her studies, or just dismiss the idea of marriage altogether
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Which society you are talking about? Its not there even in the rural Pakistan. Get a fresh survey done. My snap surveys say girls have their ways to marry the one they approve of somehow.
i don't believe its like that .....he can be the bestest of friend ....n in friendship there is no 'have to' , i think !
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Friendship? Get its meaning right. An example; we male friends, when we have moods off or things to worry just stay away comfortably and ar retired to ourselves. Doing this to girls is abusing the concept of friendship. Making it simpler: Girls have to be tackled everytime without fail.
Discussing and solving problems are a big okay but discussing is not just dictating or narating. Honestly, girls dont have the patience to listen to opinions but approvals. So if its discussing, its them talk and talk. Coming to solution, they will have their reservations if things are solved. That thank you part always ends like "It could have been done better"
What else is to marriage? Discussing philosophy and the purpose of life. Its boring, right?
If its your beauty that I have to chant to keep you happy after you are mine, I am sorry I chose not a happier way to live.
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So tell me what makes a marriage for you?
Please, go back and read what I wrote carefully. Sometimes people need to vent, and I think it's fine as long as you don't overdo it. It's only unhealthy if you use ur partner as a punching bag 24/7. If I say I want to talk about something I'll let him talk and make his points as well and appreciate him for watever advice/solution he can give me whether it's something I agree with or not.
Please, go back and read what I wrote carefully. Sometimes people need to vent, and I think it's fine as long as you don't overdo it. It's only unhealthy if you use ur partner as a punching bag 24/7. If I say I want to talk about something I'll let him talk and make his points as well and appreciate him for watever advice/solution he can give me whether it's something I agree with or not.
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My concept of married life is not filmy or rosy to say. Its like the life I have, family, fun, healthy discussions, future planning, nurturing ideal values to be followed without orders but with reverence and a quiet life. Not that a flame of love and attachment for a while to be bashed the other moment. Mid-way as is prescribed applies here as well.
Friendship? Get its meaning right. An example; we male friends, when we have moods off or things to worry just stay away comfortably and ar retired to ourselves. Doing this to girls is abusing the concept of friendship. Making it simpler: Girls have to be tackled everytime without fail.
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Men and women act differently. Both of us (girls and guys) have to understand that. Also, it depends largely on the guy's personality. If he's the normally the quiet type and doesn't speak to anyone, I won't hold it against him and feel hurt. But if he's normally gregarious and friendly and all of a sudden has a personality change, then yes I would feel hurt and worry
Men and women act differently. Both of us (girls and guys) have to understand that. Also, it depends largely on the guy's personality. If he's the normally the quiet type and doesn't speak to anyone, I won't hold it against him and feel hurt. But if he's normally gregarious and friendly and all of a sudden has a personality change, then yes I would feel hurt and worry
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Without recourse to know why? Without giving it a thought whether you did something that could have contributed to it?
Without recourse to know why? Without giving it a thought whether you did something that could have contributed to it?
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Coming from personal experience, yeah I wud feel that maybe it had been soemthing I did. I know now it wasn't, but at the time I also worried that something really bad had happened, coz he'd never acted this way before.
Coming from personal experience, yeah I wud feel that maybe it had been soemthing I did. I know now it wasn't, but at the time I also worried that something really bad had happened, coz he'd never acted this way before.
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This requires the art to understand while you are not even told. Those of us who are good at it are happier in this situation. Its sometimes others who are the cause but we mishandle it resulting in a way that we suffer for others' faults. Coming back to marriage, a relationship that has been nurtured in a way that you actually understand yourselves, you are not into troubles. This has to do with the couples mental reach to one another.
PS:- You said you have personal experiennces, so u married?
