Heres my story,
I have been called African because im too kali for them and i have low self esteem now compared to when i was a kid because strangely nobody has called me kaali or anything when i was a kid even though i was lot more kaali as a kid..but i was a really confident kid , i could speak well and ppl would be impressed and told my mum that i have a good “tarbiyatt”.but strangely as i grew up many ppl told me that im really dark and at the same time many guys wanted to date with me and found me goodlooking (Including pakistani/indian, many guys from other nationalities) i believe its cause im tall and i was blessed with pretty features but you know what pakistani ppl (aunties and uncles and mostly girls and some guys too who loves gora rang) never looked at my features all they see is my dark skin thats it..for the reference im totally brown and i cant even understand what am i in MAC shades if i use NC40 it looks dark on me even though i thought im around NC45. I’m soon to be married, im engaged to a man who loves me madly and his mum didnt had any objection of me being kaali just that she told her relatives that the girl is with “pakka rang”..she treats me nicely as for now but there are times she says “shaadi ka lengha lena ho to woh rang lena jo aap par acha lagey” by that i feel like if shes pointing at my dark skin and want me to know every colour wont suit me…I dont know how many times i would be told indirectly or directly from my husbands family or rishtedaar or friends about my colour. Im sick of this mentality even though im quite fashionable and i carry myself well. but nothing helps…being kaali makes me feel that im the ugliest person in the world i need my confidence back which i use to have in my childhood…now i cant even talk to ppl properly cus it makes me feel theyr just looking at my colour THATS IT.and honestly i dont feel happy at all if any guy likes me or found me attractive i just dont care about them..i just want these aunties or girls to not call me kaali or make fun of me now i dont even wana get married as ill be moving out to London(after shaadi) and when i went there some yrs ago some girls and even some kids made fun of my colour..and a friend of mine recently told me that the pakistani girls in London wont be friends with you if your kaali because thats what happend with her cousin and shes facing some severe depression…i feel these ppl would just kill me or ill fall into serious illness cus i think too much of thist and i dont know what to do i go paranoid just cus of my colour!
Re: Being kaali pakistani
"but strangely as i grew up many ppl told me that im really dark *......at t*he same time many guys wanted to date with me**"
do you see the paradox there ?
you got more attention from guys than most men with gora rung get from girls.
you need *gora rung *to conform to the BS beauty standard of desi society.....not to attract men.
attracting the opposite sex is the most genuine validation of your attractiveness. Its the most important thing.
Re: Being kaali pakistani
OH MY GOD
Apart from the having a man and being engaged its as if I am reading my own story.
I have been called african, ugly, to dark to be pakistani all sorts of names at uni by pakistani boys.
My ex broke up with me because I was dark and ugly and his friends used to called me some name and accuse me of black magic because I was dark skinned.
I know how you feel. I am going to PM you.
Re: Being kaali pakistani
I think that you've been so hurt by people's insenstive remarks about your skin color that you may be interpreting even benign comments in a negative way. What your MIL said about picking a color that suits your complexion is right....and that goes for everyone, regardless of whether they're fair, tan, etc. And as a bride, you're not just going to look for a color that flatters your complexion...you'll also pay attention to the style/cut/length of the dress so that it flatters your individual figure. So, would you also take it personally if someone said that you should pick a style that suits your height/figure? I don't think your MIL was trying to hurt you.
You think that if you were as white as milk that these aunties/girls would stop picking on you? I hightly doubt it. Trust me...they'll find some other "flaw" and I've see this happen. It's a reflection of their insecurities. They'll find even the minutest things to pick on so that they can raise themselves. It says more about them than you. If someone's going to put others down like that...do you really think that they're very happy/secure with their own lives/themselves? No. You say that so many guys have wanted to date you. It's because they felt that everything such as your skin tone, your features, your fashion sense, the way you carry yourself, your personality....everything came together to form an attractive package. And for all you know...maybe those girls became insecure about the attention you were receiving from the guys...and felt the need put you down.
And the "friend" who told you that nobody would be friends with you in England because you're dark....is not a good friend. That just reeks of jealousy to me. She's just indirectly putting you down when she should be more understanding of how tough it can be to move to a new place and should instead be encouraging you.
I think it's all about how your features come together...because I've seen fair-skinned individuals that I don't find attractive. Attraction is subjective. There are people that YOU may not find attractive....you cannot please everyone...and you shouldn't try to.
Re: Being kaali pakistani
Good God...what is up with the girls in England?
Re: Being kaali pakistani
On the whole, you sound as if you're a bit overwhelmed what with you're upcoming wedding. I don't think you should take what the Aunties say about the colors that suit/don't suit you in a negative way because to a extent, some skin tones do work better with certain colours.
Re: Being kaali pakistani
Keep your head high and be confident.
You are getting married to someone in London that should be enough to make you proud.
You will have a chance to start a new life and choose your friends. One negative remark and they are out of your friends list.
Re: Being kaali pakistani
Urgh phone
Re: Being kaali pakistani
Good God...what is up with the girls in England?
Errr excuse me, do you want to elaborate on that?
Re: Being kaali pakistani
Uff. Tell them all to jog on. I'l be your London friend!
Re: Being kaali pakistani
One negative remark and they are out of your friends list.
Exactly. I'll say it again. That cow that told you about how her cousin is suffering depression because nobody in England liked her due to her skin color....is either super-duper obtuse when it comes to tact.....or she's indiretly putting you down. You know the girl better than I do, but to me it just sounds snide. Maybe she's jealous that you have a guy who loves you so much and that you're moving to England. Some people shouldn't be on your friends list.
Re: Being kaali pakistani
Pakistanis are desis, we are supposed to be dark! I notice Lahori people are notorious for this because of being Punjabi and all. I have a ton of darker people in the family and yes, they get talked about in a rude way by their own family members, indirectly mostly.
Most Pakistani people I know are dark/tan. I dont understand why Pakistanis/Indians are so obsessed w/ this gora rang. I think it has something to do w/ the British raj and being obsessed w/ being white. :halo:But of course, I think Punjabis are more prone to this insecurity because they forget we’re desis and not some Europeans or living in the Northern areas where everyone looks gori. Karachi people seem to be so oblivious to this, IMO.
OP, I’m sorry you went through all that. I am just shocked it still happens. Why do Pakistanis/Indians forget we are DESI! Sheesh kabob.
Re: Being kaali pakistani
OH MY GOD
Apart from the having a man and being engaged its as if I am reading my own story.
I have been called african, ugly, to dark to be pakistani all sorts of names at uni by pakistani boys.
My ex broke up with me because I was dark and ugly and his friends used to called me some name and accuse me of black magic because I was dark skinned.
I know how you feel. I am going to PM you.
i thought, i was reading of your multi.
Re: Being kaali pakistani
But of course, I think Punjabis are more prone to this insecurity because they forget we're desis and not some Europeans or living in the Northern areas where everyone looks gori. Karachi people seem to be so oblivious to this, IMO.
I don't think stereotyping is going to help matters. I'm Punjabi and I don't fit the above generalization. As for Karachi'ites or any OTHER race being "oblivious" to skin color..........um yeah I don't agree with that. Unless you're walking around blind.....you ARE going to notice the color of EVERYTHING you come across....so why would humans be an exception? Yeah we all have our preferences in terms of what we find attractive...that's always going to be be there regardless of race.......the difference is that some people are jerks about it.
Re: Being kaali pakistani
i in MAC shades if i use NC40 it looks dark on me even though i thought im around NC45.
As someone who's NC42 and has NEVER been called "kaali" (in the U.S. or back home....by desis and non-desis).....I'm wondering what is your "color"?
I say I'm NC42 b/c that's what matches my skin tone. I can THINK of myself as a NC30 all I want....but that doesn't mean I'll become a NC30.
So you THINK you're NC45....but NC40 looks too dark on you. Logic tells me that means you're lighter than NC40. Soooo.....what color is your exact match?
As for the rest....you've had plenty of guys ask you out...if they were not attracted to you physically, they wouldn't have done that. Your fiance would not be marrying you if he wasn't physically attracted to you. Of course there are guys out where who prefer super light-skinned women. I know guy who prefer blondes and will not date women who're not blonde. So if one of those guys don't think you're beautiful, are you going to be depressed b/c you're not blonde?
As redvelvet already wrote....Your MIL's comments has nothing to do with you being kaali. I have WHITE friends who make comments about choosing a outfit color that suits them when they shop.
In life you will always encounter people who don't like you for whatever reason. If you CHOOSE to focus on that....and take energy away from people who love/accept you for who you are....then you're wasting precious time. If you continue to be so obsessed with your skin color this way....then yes, sooner or later you will fall into severe depression and that WILL effect your marriage/other relationships. So for the sake of your future....please work on your self-confidence and move on from the past.
Re: Being kaali pakistani
I was wondering the same thing Paheli. I'm also an NC42..and nobody's ever called me dark. And if NC 40 is dark on her.....doesn't make sense. A person can be fair-skinned but not have attractive/balanced features. Seems like the people who are picking on her are jealous of her features (which even she acknowledges are attractive)...and the way she carries herself, and the flattering attention she receives. Don't think aunties are above this.
Re: Being kaali pakistani
Well said, Paheli. :k:
Re: Being kaali pakistani
Im sanwali too. I wouldn’t care too much about this nasty business if I were you.
You need to do some serious self-reflection and correct your own attitude.
People would be mean even if you were perfect…they would pick on you for being perfect. Its up to you as to what you will do with that negativity. Will you allow it to ruin your life or will you laugh it off?
If someone told me no one would be friends with me for being kaali I don’t think I would hold that person in very high regard. 
If you have kids (Inshallah) and they’re dark…would you want them to feel bad about who they were or how they looked?
Re: Being kaali pakistani
karachittes are darker then rest of pakistan.
Re: Being kaali pakistani
When this flaw is constantly picked out over and over and over and over by the people who you wanted to be accepted by. Its hard to ignore.
The US has less this issue than the UK for various demographic reasons.