Re: Being friends with your Ex
Nosheen: I actually do have 2 younger sisters. And if one of them ever told me they were doing what you’re currently doing…then I would call them names that’re MUCH worse than a mistress.
You admit to still loving him. You know that his “moral compass is not very high” and yet you CHOOSE to meet him up for dinner and answer his calls late at night. You wrote that you know he’ll never divorce his 1st wife. Knowing that his wife has no idea about you…you would actually marry him if you know that he didn’t “accept her as a wife”…meaning what…that he didn’t have sexual relations with his own wife?! You want to distance yourself from you b/c of your own feelings…heck what about distancing yourself from his b/c he’s MARRIED and is hiding his “friendship” with you from his WIFE!!! The lack of shame and self-respect in your words are amazing.
You honestly think that other women (especially married ones) are going to think of you as any different than a mistress? Believe me when I say this…mistress actually is a polite term for what you’re doing. When you ask for advice…be prepared to get it. As an adult (and I assume you’re an adult?), you should realize that not everyone out there is going to baby you and sugar-coat their words just so your sensitive heart isn’t scarred.
You can make all the excuses you want. Yes it sucks that you didn’t end up as his wife. But that’s reality. His parents didn’t hold a gun to his head and force him to marry this other woman. He may have loved you but clearly that love wasn’t strong enough for him to go against his family. So he marries another woman and leads her to belive he’ll be a devoted husband to her. Yet he still tells you he wants you to be his 2nd wife and continues to be in touch with you. And you…using your past and emotions as an excuse…choose to have an emotional affair with him. You clearly don’t think you’re doing anything wrong…b/c if you didn’t, you wouldn’t be to defensive.
Like I said already…you can fool yourself into believing whatever you want and do your best to play the role of victim here. But that doesn’t change the situation and it certainly doesn’t change what you’re doing…which is having an emotional affair with a married man.