RedVelvet is right. You can’t change others, but what you can change is yourself. It sounds like to me that your mother may have had her own insecurities growing up that she is placing those feelings on you. She probably wants to see these positive qualities in you so you don’t grow up feeling the way she did? I don’t know how well this would work on desi parents but perhaps you can use assertive communication in terms of letting her know how you feel. Just say mom I feel ____when you I would like you to. Just remember to check and be aware of your tone when you do that. The thing that can do to help the situation is to make an active effort to pursue some of those positive qualities can help pacify her?
The thing your mother probably doesn’t understand is that family dynamics are different for everybody, and everybody’s temperament/personality is going to lead them to make their choices. These girls can be really different at home everybody presents their charming selves in public, its when you see them on a constant at home basis when their true qualities surface.