Let me introduce you to three main characters in this story.
Mr G: the guy
Mrs W: His wife.
Miss X: G’s ex girl friend.
So G had this relationship with Miss X long ago and it did not end well at all. They knew each other before getting together but still things did not work out sadly. Both were hugely at fault. In fact they ended on a really bitter note with all the pettiness one can imagine.
After a tumultuous couple of years afterwards, Mr G met this blessing of a girl (Mrs W) who brought him out of his misery and is a fantastic girl. They are married happily. They have challenges within their relationship but they are growing into it and learning things. Mr G has not been a saint at all though in the past. Though he forgave everyone who wronged him and wanted a fresh start in life. Thankfully Mrs W provided him that.
Where Miss X had a failed engagement later on after breaking up with Mr G. She went through tough times herself. She got to know about Mr G’s engagement and congratulated him on his wedding wholeheartedly and now they are on good civil terms. In fact Miss X has been talking to Mrs W and they have become good acquaintances. Mr G and Miss X discussed and admitted their mistakes and have been quite civil to each other. They both realized that it was something that was not meant to be. and they are better off without it.
Now Mrs W recently found out about Mr G and Miss X's past. She has become insecure. She has not accused Mr G of cheating etc because she is involved in their interactions and meets... Mr G, as per my knowledge, has tried to communicate to her that whatever happened in the past and despite causing immense trouble for each other, both of us have forgiven each other and are on good terms. Not like they are best friends, but they stay cordial whenever they come across.
Your thoughts on the issue. Can this issue become problematic for their marriage? or is it a non issue?
Being civil in a social setting is fine, but for the exes to seek each other out when their relationship is long over and both have moved on served no purpose. They've forgiven each other and should now leave the past in the past.
people become X for a reason, whats the point having active relationship (friends) with X anyway?
You can be civil if you come across while socializing but I do not see any +ive in actively pursuing a “friendship” with X that too when someone is married and is living good life and enjoying healthy relationship.
I have only one advise when it comes to Xs. BURN THE BOATS.
Warning: Mr. G is going to regret a big time. Only option to prevent is that G should not communicate with X any more (social gatherings are exception)
Yes.. it would be a very problematic for marriage in near future.
^ agreed. leave the past relationship as it was and move on with the new wife. no need for her to feel insecure or doubtful. limit interactions with ex completely.
He is not only refreshing an old relationship but digging a whole history of the painful moments/ sentiments that had healed/ faded (to a certain degree) with time. Tomorrow, if there is a heated argument with his present wife (which is normal to happen in a daily life routine), while the ex is being a very understanding/ caring/ sweet 'friend' at the same time, he might be tempted to think that his previous choice was better. The grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence. People usually forget the harsh moments of the past and tend to treasure the good moments spent together with the ex, which might look even more sweeter while going through a bitter phase in present relationship.
'Just friends' is just a first step (spark) that might lit the old fire of love that had been desperately missed in some corner of the heart, for a long time, since the heart breaking separation.
May ALLAH Subhana Wa'ta'aala put barakah in his present relationship & protect it from misunderstandings.
The rest is all well, the only issue is the insecurity Mrs W. This is understandable and will disappear in due time so long as she continues to trust her husband completely.
The rest is all well, the only issue is the insecurity Mrs W. This is understandable and will disappear in due time so long as she continues to trust her husband completely.
You have aptly described your location in your profile :D
Mr. G: hi :halo:
Mrs. W: hi :o
Miss X: hi you are so hot omg
Mrs. W: nooo you are so hot omg
Miss X: would you like to see the backseat of my car?
Mrs. W: omg i thought you’d never ask.
As long as the husband does not keep in regular contact with the ex-gf (thought phone/e-mail/text etc)…I don’t see this as being a problem. If they cross paths due to having the same social circle…then that’s not really in the husband’s control.
Although one thing that wasn’t mentioned in the post (unless I missed it). How exactly did the wife found out about their past?
Personally I follow the saying “keep your friends close but your enemies even closer” when it comes to all the women my hubby comes across (especially if they’re not mothers yet). But since the wife in your situation isn’t a very confidant woman…this probably isn’t a good idea for her.
As long as the husband does not keep in regular contact with the ex-gf (thought phone/e-mail/text etc).....I don't see this as being a problem. If they cross paths due to having the same social circle...then that's not really in the husband's control.
lol, how do people even talk to other guys and girls after they are married, i just never understood that.
Dude, if your wife is having insecurities, stop communicating with this ex of yours. Seriously, it is very natural for any human being to feel this way so whoever suggested earlier, that it is your wife's problem needs a reality check.
If my future husband felt jealous or insecure of a guy i talk to, i would stop talking to that guy no mattter how much of a friend he is.
Mr G is not in touch per se. But whenever he comes across Miss X, he stays polite so are they. IMO, thats very mature of both of them. But for his wife, he should minimize all channels. I agree with most of you on that part.
