I recently graduated from university and was surprised by the lack of "when are you getting married" questions. I instead get "what career do you want to pursue?" or "what are your plans now?". It's a little awkward telling people I don't want to work after marriage. I never thought it would be.
My husband-to-be definitely has no problems with me staying at home and even prefers it, although he has made it clear I will always have a choice (his mother works, sister doesn't want to).
Men looking for rishtas often state that they want a girl educated to degree level with a job similar to theirs. This is great for women who want that freedom to work and may even be a necessity if you live in an expensive city, but why is choosing to be a housewife seen as the lazy option now - even though most of our mothers were housewives themselves?
I think the current economic condition pretty much shaping that mindset. A decade or so back if in laws demand that they want a working DIL, most people will call them greedy but now it’s pretty much pre-requisite or lets day desired. ( I am assuming that you’re living in Pakistan)
I have 2 young kids and my wife preferred to stay at home but I would not be able to manage the expenses if I have to pay house rent as well.
Being said, it should be couple’s/wife’s own choice to work or not to and should not be enforced / demanded.
[quote=““chaa moo””]
I think the current economic condition pretty much shaping that mindset. A decade or so back if in laws demand that they want a working DIL, most people will call them greedy but now it’s pretty much pre-requisite or lets day desired. ( I am assuming that you’re living in Pakistan)
I have 2 young kids and my wife preferred to stay at home but I would not be able to manage the expenses if I have to pay house rent as well.
Being said, it should be couple’s/wife’s own choice to work or not to and should not be enforced / demanded.
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I live in the UK, but I guess that even over here, because many of our parents grew up in Pakistan, the same mindset of wanting a stay-at-home DIL/wife followed them to this country. Now that we’ve grown up and the girls of my generation have been to university, families are realising degree-educated (or girls who develop their careers through experience and other qualifications) can get respectable jobs and the second income can really improve their quality of living.
I understand the thing about rent. There has to be a compromise somewhere - as a woman who doesn’t want to work, I myself have said I want to live with my in-laws in order to cut down on expenses. If living with in-laws isn’t an option, there may not be any choice but for the woman to work (or for the family to rely on the government for financial help).
I lived in Ireland for 5 years and now a days I hear that house rent going to north these days.
One can manage when you don’t have kids but once they start going to school (again taking example of Pakistan), school fee, transport, and what not.
My wife can’t work (not that she’s not educated but its not her thing). Now a days I am trying to have a second source of income to establish so that once my kids start going to school, I will be able to manage.
[quote=““chaa moo””]
I lived in Ireland for 5 years and now a days I hear that house rent going to north these days.
One can manage when you don’t have kids but once they start going to school (again taking example of Pakistan), school fee, transport, and what not.
My wife can’t work (not that she’s not educated but its not her thing). Now a days I am trying to have a second source of income to establish so that once my kids start going to school, I will be able to manage.
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Assuming you work full time now, it would be really difficult to take on another job and still have the time to spend with your family. Consider making money online, perhaps? My fiance was talking about this yesterday, actually. He’s studying to be an engineer, but still wants to have something on the side. An online business, maybe?
Another thing that could bring in more money without negatively affecting the family too much would be babysitting (if your wife is up to it, of course). My mum used to look after my cousins when they were babies because my uncle didn’t trust actual babysitters. It was a regular thing so he paid her for this, and it helped us out a bit.
baby sitting doesn’t work in Pakistan and doesn’t pay enough.
I am open to all options from working online to do something part time. Yes I am working fulltime but We don’s save much. I am even thinking to apply for immigration but then it’s very hard with young family.
Somewhere someone has to do it, it’s better be me than someone else
baby sitting doesn’t work in Pakistan and doesn’t pay enough.
I am open to all options from working online to do something part time. Yes I am working fulltime but We don’s save much. I am even thinking to apply for immigration but then it’s very hard with young family.
Somewhere someone has to do it, it’s better be me than someone else
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Oh, sorry, I didn’t realise you were in Pakistan. My chacha has a decent enough job for someone who isn’t very highly educated yet still struggles with expenses. It’s really hard to see.
I do think the online route would be best over there if you were to take on a second job as you won’t have to put in so many hours for rubbish pay like you would with a ‘real life’ job. Youtubers make a lot of money as well lol but I’m not sure if you’re into that!
There is nothing wrong with being a housewife. In fact I am another lady who would prefer a husband that would provide for me and in return I would take care of his household affairs and children. You would probably have more time and energy for children if you were a housewife, nonetheless there is nothing wrong in being a working woman, especially if circumstances dictate so.
You know I always dreamed of a career but now I am seriously debating if I just want to be a housewife. Maybe it is because I feel like I chose the wrong field or maybe I am just so tired right now but honestly the decision should be up to you. No one should dictate how you want to live your life and never allow others to make you feel bad for it.
Redvelvet, thank you so much for your insightful comment. That’s a low blow from your cousin - women should be able to respect others for their choices regardless of what they choose to do themselves. There are so many women all over the world who don’t have a choice either way - while some women are forced to stay at home by controlling husbands, other women are forced to work in factories or fields while bringing their babies along with them because they simply would not survive without that additional wage. It’s so important to realise that having a choice at all is such a precious thing, whether or not that choice is to work.
I totally agree with you re “less responsibilities outside the home means more time and energy for the family”. While some women don’t have the luxury of being able to stay at home while their husband is the sole earner, it’s really difficult to see the negative effect an absent mother can have on the children, regardless of the reason why she works. Kids don’t understand that their mother working may be a necessity for their survival - they just know she’s not there to keep an eye on them, and depending on the family situation and what the kids themselves are like, things can progress from bad to worse very quickly in terms of behaviour, getting involved with the wrong crowd, school, etc. While my dad was there to set the rules and be that strict parent figure, I know that if my mum wasn’t there to carry out the enforcement of those rules, I wouldn’t have adhered to them.
I can so relate about choosing the wrong field. Going into teaching was expected of me, but after a little experience I decided that I just couldn’t cope and there was no point in embarking on a whole teaching course if my heart wasn’t in it - the workload and stress faced by teachers is no joke. I decided that rather than becoming a teacher and not really enjoying it and being a crappy teacher and then coming home and being a crappy mother because I’m stressed out about my crappy job, I would rather just look after my own kids the best way that I can and give them my full attention.
