Behaviour of the Wife

[najeeb786]

Re: Behaviour of the Wife

It is something I am considering and I need to have more discussions with her as her behaviour is disgusting at best.

Regarding money etc she hardly spends anything and doesn’t actually expect much in terms of gifts etc in return.

Never really wanted a fancy wedding and was quite happy with a simple nikaah, like me. Families obviously wanted otherwise.

@garamasala

Your wife’s behavior is similar to my SIL’s. I would urge you to think carefully about what kind of mother she will be and how that will effect your children. My brother’s children are spoiled, ill-mannered and have no respect for their elders. More importantly, they have no connection with or respect for my parents. While brother and family lived with my parents, my SIL kept them in her room and maintained a distance from my parents so that the kids never bonded with them. Both of my parents have significant health issues but SIL never cared for them in any way. She barely cooked or cleaned for her husband and her children. My brother travelled often for work. My SIL would go to her parent’s house as soon as my brother left town. They no longer live with my parents. My SIL never calls my parents, rarely returns my mother’s calls and never has her children call. We will see her in the background as we Skype but she won’t even say salaam.

In an ideal world your wife should be your aid in fulfilling your responsibility to your mother and vice versa. Ideally, an appreciation and affection for your mother would come naturally out of her love for you. Sometime that doesn’t happen. In that case, many of us go to great lengths to FAKE it because we believe in taking care of and respecting our elders and in creating family harmony. I would be apprehensive if your wife doesn’t share these basic values with you.

In my brother’s situation, SIL was confronted by brother multiple times. It led to minor changes in the short term and to more distance and resentment in the long run. Family pressure from both sides prevented divorce, although my brother wanted to on multiple occassions.