Re: Behaviour of the Wife
The gravity of the situation is precisely what you need to convey to her in your pre-trip conversation. You seem to have failed to do this in all previous attempts so maximize on this opportunity.
You: “After much thought on the matter, I’ve decided to agree to let you accompany your Mum on the trip to Pakistan. Before you go though I want you to understand that I was actually considering telling you to pack not only a suitcase but all of your belongings and take them with you because I saw no point in continuing our relationship.”
Her: “WHAT??! What do you mean??!” – eyes begin to well up with tears and rage at the same time.
You: “Well, I’ve tried to speak to you about a few issues and it seems that the conversations end up nowhere. You either break out in tears or sulk for hours. This is not a healthy environment for anyone…don’t you agree?”
Her: “I guess…” or silence or sobs.
You: “How are we going to get through this? Do you have any ideas? I care for you deeply…you are my wife and I love you…it pains me to see you living like this day to day. I want to find a solution that works for both of us.”
You should only speak with her mother and advise her to keep the conversation confidential as you don’t want to cause your wife further distress.
If the MIL makes a decision to over-ride your request for confidentiality then you will always be able to say to your wife that you were at your wits end and needed to confide in someone that understood her.