so today i old my husband to go get few grocery items for my dads farewell dinner back to uk. however later found out my dad was being taken out by my uncles ec, either way i asked husband to get those items anyway. he asked his mother if she wanted anything from outside as he was going to ge my stuff, she never said anything wrong, she and him were having their conversation when i quite rudely i think cut her off and said tum bas le ao { as in just go get the stuff}, .
HUSBAND never said anyhing but when he came home he was angry with me for being rude and interferring . he said it was rude i said tum bas le ao like his mother had said not to get my stuff. she never saif anything like that, however i think a accumulation of stuff however small, is now making me mad. i did sound rude when i said it and his dad was here too.
however we got arguining and said stuff and he says somethings that in anger maybe he means it or not, but i end up thinking about it all day long.
i afterwards wanted us to be ok again, but hes sill angry. hes talking but theres frostiness.
i feel like im competing with his mother even though hes not even a mummys boy. its just me. i have no idea what im doing or feeling anymore. i love him yet i feel hatred. mad mad mad.
i cant seem to function as a normal adult. what am i to do.
anyhow, what do i do with him now. do i remain quiet, or what. all this time there was no rudeness from me, and today i did it.
can someone tell me what i said maybe maybe maybe isnt that rude at all?
Salam
Step 1: admit to yourself you did a mistake. I am very polite guy but I also resentt being cut by someone... And on presence of family ...
Step 2: show him that you are sorry. Talk to him. Actually try to listen to him.
Talk less listen more.
Step 3 : make a nice dinner for whole family .
The day you and his mother, both, start acknowledging and respecting your space and relationship with this man...you'll be good. However, I see that has not yet happened after years of marriage and there hasn't even been any progress towards that. So maybe its time to take help and its actually ok, i know desis are opposed to the idea but i think there is no harm.
Awww at least your husband didn't have a go at you in front of his mother. He had the common decency to wait and tell you how he feels afterwards. I think you should maybe apologise to your hubby and MIL. But if its too much to say sorry to her then just suck up a bit. Lol do what the other guy said, make them all a nice dinner and serve them with a smile. That should patch it up hopefully.
And as for the anger and resentment stuff, I guess you just have to try and let it go. You seem like the kind of person who says how you feel without thinking about the consequences at the time but then end up regretting it later. So when you feel like screaming at your husband and MIL then seriously just count to 10 or leave the room or something. That will make your life a little easier since you wont have these constant minor issues.
Why did you cut them off while they were just small talking?
You're lucky he went ahead and bought the stuff you needed even though you spoke rudely to him and his mother infront of his parents. I'd hand you the list and tell you to khud jao. And I actually don't understand the purpose of your thread. You know you were out of line, now husband is upset with you - what can anyone on GS really do about that? No one has a magic wand (at least they've not told me yet). You're his wife. Who beside you know how to make him happy?
On a side note, I would like to add; Stop competing with his mother. She is not you and you'll never be her. Your insecurities are crystal clear and every man - no matter how much patience he's - has a limit. Your petty habit of picking arguments everywhere will utilize all of his.
I can't believe you addressed your MIL as tum. I would never say that to my MIL even in my wildest dreams. How rude! Is this what you are teaching your daughters?
You need to apologize both your husband and MIL in front of your FIL.
I think my pet peeve is not with ‘tum’ - that’s upto the individuel family. However I’m sort of ticked off my the sentence “Tum bas le ao” - Jaise kissi bache ya naukar se baat kar rahi hai and I can totally imagine the tone it’s being said in.
nadzzz.. no one can tell you how to approach the situation now. some husbands want a day full of apology, some want ego stroking, some are ok with a simple sorry said once.. we dont know what kinda sorry your husband will appreciat. but however you say it, mean it. and be mature next time around.
your mental frame of mind is not gonna get healthier being in the place you are right now, which in turn will sour all reationships you have with ppl .. in laws, husband, etc. being bitter is no way to live. come to terms with what you have no power over.. and start living. :
I feel for what your own daughters are learning. Try and put your demons to rest, because a few years from now, you will have extremely bitter daughters who just may despise YOU, and not their father or their Dadi.
I have a friend who has a life like yours. Very much love/hate relationship with her husband. The words her 9 year old daughter utters to her mother are not what any mother wishes to hear. My friend is losing her daughter who is emotionally scarred from the bakwaas of her parents. My friend will not shut her mouth no matter what, and her husband puts up with her drama.
The Last time I entered in this thread was a few years ago, and ever since nads joined GS, shes been banging on about the same thing. its like shes got a contract to dominate this Life section lol
Well after seeing this thread, feels like i never left ...
you realise that it was wrong of you to interfere and it was rude. Just tell him the same thing that you realise it and that you’re sorry and you will try not to do such thing again in future.
I have no idea why I'm.insecure.its utterly mad. If someone does everything for me yet one day will not do something I ask or say I get the hump.its mad but its.me
Also yes I said Tum to husband but he also says tum to me.
What would your spouse do if u did the same.
I would rather he ask.me.nicely or tell me nicely.he thought.it was rude rather than point his finger at me.and and talk down to.me
I think you are just a little spoilt in your ways, marriage is about compromise and respect, try respecting your husband's space, his relationship with his mom and his decisions and he will love you for it...
I think my spouse would get seriously peed at me if I spoke to him like a servant..
also what's the point of telling someone nicely again and again and again, listen learn and implement the first time. you stop being rude, he will too..
as usual nadz ..
and I can totally imagine the tone it’s being said in.