Before you turned the lights off on your Suhag Raat

[Shak]

Re: Before you turned the lights off on your Suhag Raat

the bride's family brings her nashta the morning of valima

I thought it was the other way around? But then again I am clueless

nd then plenty of time and energy to...get to know each other.

Yes plenty of time to....talk :D

[Majazi_Khuda]

Re: Before you turned the lights off on your Suhag Raat

@Nisha25

sex threads always get the most attention…watch it go up to 100+ posts

But this is not a sex thread, honestly. The thread is about wasting time on unnecessary stuff to not have much time left for what the concept of marriage is all about..

@Nisha25

when does the wedding stuff end then? around 5-ish, then that’s perfect, nap for a couple hours, shower, and right around midnight-ish …babooom!!!

Wedding stuff ends at 5ish? I hope you mean 5ish in the morning.

@Farisha

Islamically, you aren’t required to consummate your marriage the first night together. as far as i know the wife can take 3 nights off from consummation if she isn’t mentally ready for whatever reason, but after that she is obligated to acquiesce if he initiates or else the marriage becomes vulnerable to grounds for divorce.

@herxlnc07

Thats not true…they have to do it before the valima…the pt of the man giving a reception is that everyone knows they have done it…islamically thats what a valima is…Yea couple is always sleepy day after shaddi its kind of funny every girl i know goes to her house day after shaddi and goes to sleep at her parents house …Idk if any of u guys have witnessed this as well…The girls family also sends breakfast to her in - laws house the next day!

Farisha is right (somewhat). There is no deadline in islam. What if wife started her periods on the nikah day? Groom would have to wait for a week or so then, right.

And also, Valima is not the celebration of consummation, it’s the celebration of Nikah and can technically happen right after Nikah.

@madinahme

Holding the Quran over the head is 1 out of the 1000 stupid/unecessary things we do in our marriages. I sometimes think about this as well, how do we expect Allah to bless our marriage if we start off on the wrong foot.
I can understand people wanting to do traditions or ceremonies (even if they are not Islamically okay to do) but WHY burden yourself for things that are not only a headach for yourself, but you’re getting sin for it too. For example, giving/expecting jahez or bari.
For the guy holding the Quran over the girls head, I’m sure his arms starts hurting after awhile too lol

I think madina’s reply summarized the whole point of mine behind this thread. Well said sista :k:

@Summerbr

To be honest, I’ve always felt that a couple having sex the day they get married who don’t really even know each other, are close to each other and have good understanding is so bizarre. I mean it’s like a one night stand - except that you’re meant to spend the rest of ur life with the person u have the one night stand with! lol I guess people are horny and that’s why they do it.

How can you compare the meeting of suhaag raat to one night stand? This is the whole concept of Nikah that the same act with the same person only few hours ago was haram for you and now its halal. For all that matters, consummation after Nikah is an act of gratitude towards Allah. Its synonymous to the haste in breaking fast, where same act of eating is halal, that was haram for you only till 2 seconds before maghrib times. I am surprised that you are referring to that halal act as bizarre.

I am not talking about you so don’t take it personally, but is not that amazing that we are developing a thought process where dating (that act that islam is so much against) is fine but consummation (that Islam made halal for you) looks like a bizarre act to us

[Sara516]

Re: Before you turned the lights off on your Suhag Raat

@Majazi_Khuda

How can you compare the meeting of suhaag raat to one night stand? This is the whole concept of Nikah that the same act with the same person only few hours ago was haram for you and now its halal. For all that matters, consummation after Nikah is an act of gratitude towards Allah. Its synonymous to the haste in breaking fast, where same act of eating is halal, that was haram for you only till 2 seconds before maghrib times. I am surprised that you are referring to that halal act as bizarre.

I am not talking about you so don’t take it personally, but is not that amazing that we are developing a thought process where dating (that act that islam is so much against) is fine but consummation (that Islam made halal for you) looks like a bizarre act to us

Agree!

How is it okay to date around but having sex on the wedding night = one night stand?

For those who think it’s bizarre…I wonder if they think bad of women who are willing to have sex on their wedding nights!

[NomiCA]

Re: Before you turned the lights off on your Suhag Raat

@Sara516

.I wonder if they think bad of women who are willing to have sex on their wedding nights!

hmm…let me think… may be no girl actually is ever willing…she is just pressured by society to accept that … she has to comply with it or she will be termed as bad wife… the whole thing seems like its designed in a way to please a man and no considration for a girl’s feeling

[Sara516]

Re: Before you turned the lights off on your Suhag Raat

@NomiCA

hmm…let me think… may be no girl actually is ever willing…she is just pressured by society to accept that … she has to comply with it or she will be termed as bad wife… the whole thing seems like its designed in a way to please a man and no considration for a girl’s feeling

yeah and on the flip side…according to that society’s pressure if a woman actually enjoys it, it makes her a bad character huh?

[Deeba1234]

Re: Before you turned the lights off on your Suhag Raat

Obviously a girl's first time can be painful and there are emotional side issues apart from the physical act itself so I don't know how u can compare it to eating after a fast when there are no 'down' sides to that at all? A decent man wouldn't pressurise his new virgin bride to have sex if she didn't want to, he'd take his time, make her feel comfortable etc., not just jump on her like some animal the first chance he gets if she doesn't feel ready..

Why the obsession with consummating the marriage that first night anyway? When a newlywed couple choose to have sex is no-one else's business except their own and whilst it might be recommended not to wait too long (which doesn't mean the first night) there is no real time limit (as long as both partners are happy waiting, husband and wife both have the right to have their sexual needs met)..

[Majazi_Khuda]

Re: Before you turned the lights off on your Suhag Raat

@NomiCA

hmm…let me think… may be no girl actually is ever willing…she is just pressured by society to accept that … she has to comply with it or she will be termed as bad wife… the whole thing seems like its designed in a way to please a man and no considration for a girl’s feeling

How can we assume that no girl is actually willing. They are humans too, they have sexual appetite too. As Sara mentioned, maybe its our society’s fault that looks down upon woman as a lesser character one, if the woman is open about expressing her needs. Nikah is not an open certificate only for guy to go out and fulfil his needs when he wants to, but also for the woman to demand it when she wants to.

[Majazi_Khuda]

Re: Before you turned the lights off on your Suhag Raat

Obviously a girl's first time can be painful and there are emotional side issues apart from the physical act itself so I don't know how u can compare it to eating after a fast when there are no 'down' sides to that at all? A decent man wouldn't pressurise his new virgin bride to have sex if she didn't want to, he'd take his time, make her feel comfortable etc., not just jump on her like some animal the first chance he gets if she doesn't feel ready..

Why the obsession with consummating the marriage that first night anyway? When a newlywed couple choose to have sex is no-one else's business except their own and whilst it might be recommended not to wait too long (which doesn't mean the first night) there is no real time limit (as long as both partners are happy waiting, husband and wife both have the right to have their sexual needs met)..

OK hold on a minute here. Your whole posts reeks of showing women as some oppressed, afraid and bounded creature and man is looking like a sex maniac who is some insensitive beast.

Ho can you assume that a girl on his first night is not looking forward to having sex with her husband. On the same token, how can you assume that sex is the only thing on guys mind on the first night and he would not take a no for answer and would not be sensitive and gentle about his wife's emotions and feelings.

I am sorry Deeba, but this is such a narrow minded view that so many girls our there have about guys and not only its not true, amazingly most of those girls are not even married and have no clue what they are talking about.

[Deeba1234]

Re: Before you turned the lights off on your Suhag Raat

^*I have used plenty of 'ifs' in my post so u must have v.poor comprehension if that's what u understood from my post..*

**You're the one who keeps going on about how they should have sex the first night.

I said it's the couple's own business and both partners have the right to be sexually satisfied..
**
Everyone knows a lot of girls who are virgins are apprehensive about having sex for the first time even tho they might be excited about it as well, it's not rocket science.

[Majazi_Khuda]

Re: Before you turned the lights off on your Suhag Raat

Everyone knows a lot of girls who are virgins are apprehensive about having sex for the first time \,

and somehow you believe that it would not be true for the guys.

and to correct you, no - not everyone knows that.

[Deeba1234]

Re: Before you turned the lights off on your Suhag Raat

^Guys might be apprehensive but it's not like they have to worry about pain during penetration, is it.. or connecting sex with love/emotion the way a lot of girls do..

Anyway, not quite sure why it bothers you so much if couples choose to wait or why you're trying to paint it as a negative thing.. Like I said before it's no-one else's business..

[Majazi_Khuda]

Re: Before you turned the lights off on your Suhag Raat

You got the whole message wrong. My point was never what happens inside the room but the unnecessary hoopla that happens outside the room that takes away time and energy.

If given enough time, dulha dulhan can spend plenty of time with each other on the first night and whether they have sex or not, at least they would be able to talk a lot and get to know each other as husband and wife.

[Nisha25]

Re: Before you turned the lights off on your Suhag Raat

@NomiCA

hmm…let me think… may be no girl actually is ever willing…she is just pressured by society to accept that … she has to comply with it or she will be termed as bad wife… the whole thing seems like its designed in a way to please a man and no considration for a girl’s feeling

yes b/c all women have no sexual desires and if they actually like it and find pleasure in all of the sexual stuff and is actually ready and willing as much as the man is, it’s only an act b/c she’s the embodiment of purity and sharmileeness before and even after the wedding, it’s fact, write it down.

[system]

Re: Before you turned the lights off on your Suhag Raat

I think it depends. I am sure couples still have the energy to talk to each other and then they have the rest of their lives to get to know each other.