I feel like i constantly need to post here with every little problem of mine, i hope no one is too bugged by me..
I told u all how my parents asked my in laws that they wanted to do my bedroom and my mother in law refused…
after that the whole which room will i have came into discussion..
before my mil left for usa.. she told me to look for furniture and sent me a few pages (fb) i checked those out and personally i was offended.. she likes everything very classy and expensive for herself. from designer bags to chen one beds for herself.. while for me she selected a bed which was for rs 60,000 and included everything. i still inquired the page owner and he told me its not a proper wood bed. its the low quality ones. my mil asked my views and i told her id like my furniture to last me a few decades.. so she told me to check some local markets and referred a market.. that market too has cheap furniture. anyway i went and same result. those around 60 were not wood.. around 110 were wood ones but bad finish.. so i spoke to my husband and i told him that i really want to do the bedroom myself, my parents are also insisting.. and id like my room to be the way i like it.. since i wil be in it for a very long time..
he said i should accept whatever im getting, i said im thankful for that but i want to do this myself my own way.
now what do i do? i want to get it made myself because i dnt mind getting a 2 lac bedset as it will be with me for life. and i cant waste money every few years. im also very upset because of mil double standards but to be honest she has always done this. she told me to get my bridal from adday wala while she ordered her own clothes and my jaithani from elan.. i wish someone else could see this too…
my family told me to tell my mil nicely that since new bed is getting made, its my parents wish to get it made for me .. the sort i want.. and id like to set my new room the way i have always dreamed of ..
( my mil also told my husband to tell me not to get any dresser made or any matching chairs as theres a sofa already there which was made on jaithani wedding and i shud use it )
please tell me how to deal with this interference in a diplomatic way.
it is very sweet of them to pay for my bed .. but if they are then they should not dominate.
two years back they got everything changed for jaitanis wedding.. and i wont compare myself.. but if im spending my own money.. what is it to them?? HELP LADIES!!!
thanks in advance
P.S. yesterday my mil told my husband that jaithani has agreed to give us the room.. and my husband told me about it but told me its not confirmed. i spoke to my mil and she didnt mention.. so for now in her books im sticking to the old small room..
its so heart breaking that my mil is not taking interest in anything except interference. shes not interested in the room getting painted.. or light bulbs changed or anything.
am i wrong to be so annoyed???
p.s. im not rich like my in laws.. but i have my savings.. its not that i want to force an expensive bed. i just want to get something thats worth it and im satisfied with it.. hope u all see my point
If you want good italian furniture, or whatever it is you have your heart set on, you should ask if your parents can pay for it but if you are expecting your saas to pay for it, you'll have to go with her choice thats how it works. Let me give you my example, my mum never give me any money for anything and even when I buy it with my own money I always look for places to hide it, its like how you feel about you saas, i never expect anything from my mum.
I wish your husband could see through his mother's double standards. Anyways, at this point it will do more harm than good if you make a big issue out of this.
No matter what you tell your MIL, it wont work because she probably already knows that she is wrong. She is doing this to you intentionally.
Try talking to your husband, tell him what you wrote here about durability, tell him 2lac will be a long term investment. If he listens, well and good, if he doesnt, just drop the topic.
1) Have you sent pictures of beds to your MIL telling her that that's the bed you want?
2) Why can't YOU call or e-mail your jethani and ask her directly if she's willing to give up the room?
3) I've never heard of anyone keeping a bed that's NOT a heirloom for decades or "for life". Is this common in your family? Do your parents still have the same bed they bought after they got married?
Yikes. I can go around my entire city and not find a 60k bed. I honestly wouldn't know where to find one so cheap. It will not last you an entire year. That I can promise. It's their money that they want to put in the bin. You will need a replacement soon so maybe you'll get the bed of your dreams then?
Yikes. I can go around my entire city and not find a 60k bed. I honestly wouldn't know where to find one so cheap. It will not last you an entire year. That I can promise. It's their money that they want to put in the bin. You will need a replacement soon so maybe you'll get the bed of your dreams then?
This.
Just accept what you are getting and plan for your parents to get you the next one....
Actually in Pakistan, furniture does last longer than in western countries. My relative just replaced her furniture and she got married in 1991. And no, it was not super durable furniture. So yes, one would want to get good quality furniture. Your MIL is doing this on purpose,, even if your furniture breaks down after a year, she will not replace it. I have heard of MILs not "allowing" DILs to spend their own money on wedding dresses just so that DILs would look bad on their weddings even though they bought wedding dresses of their own choices for their daughters.
You are right. But what can you do? Unless your husband is own board. Maybe your husband can speak to his parents saying that your parents want to gift their daughter (you) furniture without bringing up the bad quality of the furniture they are offering. If they are insistent, they can offer cash.
There is nothing wrong with wanting good quality furniture. But the issue here is whether its worth causing an argument/resentment/tension not only with the MIL, but also with the husband over this. It may be normal/average for people to keep furniture for decades in Pakistan but is not normal/average for a newlywed bahu to cause an argument over this.
@newbee13, I've read a few of your other threads and you've mentioned multiple times that your in-laws are wealthy compared to your family. But you've never really mentioned who the bread winner of the family is. I can't remember, but does your father-in-law still work or is your brother-in-law supporting the family? Does your husband earn well? If it's your BIL supporting everyone, then I can understand why he would be willing to splash out for his own wife but not for you. It is ultimately your husband's responsibility to pay for whatever you need. And I commend your MIL for not accepting/expecting jahez. You are starting a new life with your husband and you should be able to live within your means (whatever the two of you earn - not what someone else in the family can afford).
I'll give you my own example. My husband was well settled when we got married so we had a pretty extravagant wedding. His brother, on the other hand, got married straight out of school so he had almost no savings. In our case, my husband was expected to contribute so that both brothers were treated to a wedding of the same scale. I didn't think it was fair to my husband to be expected to shoulder the expenses for both weddings, but my SIL didn't seem to have a problem with it. Are you perhaps in the same situation?
I think it's very common in Pakistan.....the majority of people I see sleep on the furniture from their jahez (10-15 + years of marriage).
Yes in our country we try to make things last probably a lifetime.
My parents sleep on her wedding bed they've been married almost 30 years. My phupo who was married for 45 years still sleeps on it.. So why waste a bunch of 70 ks when you can make a one good one time purchase. All those places I went to with 2 lac bed sets gave life time insurance.
@newbee13, I've read a few of your other threads and you've mentioned multiple times that your in-laws are wealthy compared to your family. But you've never really mentioned who the bread winner of the family is. I can't remember, but does your father-in-law still work or is your brother-in-law supporting the family? Does your husband earn well? If it's your BIL supporting everyone, then I can understand why he would be willing to splash out for his own wife but not for you. It is ultimately your husband's responsibility to pay for whatever you need. And I commend your MIL for not accepting/expecting jahez. You are starting a new life with your husband and you should be able to live within your means (whatever the two of you earn - not what someone else in the family can afford).
I'll give you my own example. My husband was well settled when we got married so we had a pretty extravagant wedding. His brother, on the other hand, got married straight out of school so he had almost no savings. In our case, my husband was expected to contribute so that both brothers were treated to a wedding of the same scale. I didn't think it was fair to my husband to be expected to shoulder the expenses for both weddings, but my SIL didn't seem to have a problem with it. Are you perhaps in the same situation?
The bread winner is my fil.
My husband alhumdillah earns well enough to support both of us. My older brother in law doesn't earn anything he's studying as he's had a few bad studying experiences and he's fully supported by fil. His wife my jaithani used to receive a 50 k pocket money from my fil too.. So there are so many double standards for me that I don't know where to start of.
My parents are fully ready to pay for my furniture. Even I am able to afford it with my own savings so it's not a matter of me wanting them to pay.
I'm feeling it's a deliberate attempt too..Probably put in mils mind by jaithani.
God help me.. My husband is loving and caring but he's only 25 and middle son. He tries to talk but mostly goes vain and he gets upset with me.
It's very common for furniture to last decades in Pakistan.. my own MIL still has ALL her furniture from when she got married; bedroom furniture, living room, etc. All of it is in mint condition as well.
Anyway - i feel bad for u. But get the crappy furniture, and in the meanwhile save even more money until the crappy one ruins. Then say, "i told u so" (politely), and get the one worth 5 lakhs.
