Im a little on the sanwli side and it doesnt bother me in the least. I like it.
The funny thing is, most of the rishte I have gotten have always been from gore looking guys...wierd but true.
Just like the image of the typical bahu is changing slowly but surely...so will the image of the typical desi girl. No, she doesnt have to be fair and lovely...she can also be dark and sexy. It will simply take time, thats all. Inshallah, there will be a day when we will get past this...just not soon.
Maybe a poor choice of words on my account, but no i don't think dark skin is a "flaw" to look past but rather a part of someone... It should be that "she/he is beautiful." Full-stop. Not.. "she's fat but pretty." or "pretty but dark." I wish people would realize how stupid they sound when they say these type of things.
I figured it was just context Sara. You've definitely proved to be very tolerant and progressive, I apologize if I came on kinda harsh!
Oh, and the weight thing drives me crazy as well! But thats a whole 'nother thread!
Oh, and the weight thing drives me crazy as well! But thats a whole 'nother thread!
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tell you what..at the end it really comes down to what your most sensitive about. like for me, if someone would say oh you've put on some weight, i would be like oh say MashAllah!:DBut if someone might say you've gone tanned..oh boy ..I would take that very seriously, precisely because am very sensitive about it.
Im a little on the sanwli side and it doesnt bother me in the least. I like it.
The funny thing is, most of the rishte I have gotten have always been from gore looking guys...wierd but true.
Just like the image of the typical bahu is changing slowly but surely...so will the image of the typical desi girl. No, she doesnt have to be fair and lovely...she can also be dark and sexy. It will simply take time, thats all. Inshallah, there will be a day when we will get past this...just not soon.
some ppl want to have fixed everything in their life time...they are the ones with no patience..no tolerance...koi chaeen ki haddi nahe hai iss terhan ke logon mein...
if a girl is rejected bcos of her color then thats not the end of the world. she should move on and find someone else who will worship her bcos of her dark skin. let the other dude basque in the golory of his white skin wife. both happy...fixers ka moun kala.
Mmmm mmm mmm (shakes head), that is MESSED UP! Btw, oh hindu guppie, Kali is believed to do sarvinaash (guess that means destruction according to the movies) of men who bug/taunt women.
That makes me wonder, if Kali were called Gori, would the Hindu men be less scared?
Astagfirullah, so glad to be a Muslim, AH!
I read that the fairness creams industry is amond the leading businesses in India. Don't know about Pakistan. But I've seen several commercials where a sanwali skinned woman finally gets the job, or lands a marriage proposal, after becoming a few shades lighter. Ironcially, people don't realize that darker skin is stronger than fairer skin. Due to greater amount of melanin, darker skin is not only less prone to wrinkling, it just ages better overall. Alhumdolillah, that's a blessing in dark skin that people need to realize and appreciate.
yeah this is one aspect of people and their looks. Like someone else said about bollywood and brainwashing has alot to do with it and you can top it off with materialism.
Beauty isn't everything, however, (esp in the Pak culture) a lot of emphasis is placed on it. This is most notable when girls are scrutinized for the purposes of marriage. Some girls go to extreme lengths to whiten their skin, lose weight, etc just to match up to the ideals which society has encouraged. I find this to be sad as these girls are trying so hard to live up to expectations which may be unrealistic. However, change can only be advocated if the views of society alter and that doesn't seem to be happening anytime soon.
I know that this fair skin is more superior mentality is deeply ingrained in desi culture. But I remember asking my mom once why it was that girls in Pakistan especially are soooo obsessed with looks and skin color in particular. Sometimes it seems like they can't see anything beyond your skin color, face/features, and body shape. And my mom said that one reason is because there are not many career opportunities in Pakistan for women. Now my maternal/paternal family is mostly from Sialkot, where there are very few career opportunities for women. So, my mom said that due to this, the girls there have nothing to look forward to after completion of education except marriage. Some parents don't even push their daughters to finish college. Since marriage is the be all/end all goal for girls and their parents over there......that's why they are soooo much more into their looks and how to become fair and snag a man.
Of course, it can also depend where you are living in Pakistan. Perhaps the more educated women living in the more modern/developed cities have a more open-minded mentality. They're beginning to realize slowly that there is more to a girl than just her face, so they also work on things like education/profession, etc.
Although, like i said earlier, this sick mentality is so deep rooted in our culture that it has sadly been shown to transcend factors such as location, class, and education. I've even heard people regard a girl to be pretty ONLY because she's fair....when her other facial features and body type might comply with society's standards for beauty.
Now people have their own preferences for what they consider to be attractive. Some prefer fair, some prefer tan. Some like bony, some like curvy, what have you. But when a particular preference is taken to an extreme to the point that it becomes an obsession which creates inferiority complexes in others....that's when it becomes unhealthy and even dangerous.
When I was about 4 or 5 years old, these things never crossed my mind about skin color and whatnot. My dad called his four trouble makers "sab se pyari". When I grew older and interacted with other Pakistani girls and families, I saw a trend of obsessing about becoming fair, not getting tan, etc. Fairer meant prettier and skinny (not healthy) meant even prettier.
Where I grew up, there werent a whole lot of Pakistani families. There were a few but not as many as there are in main Chicago and some of the suburbs now. My neighborhood was predominantly non-desi. In my teens and even later, I never dealt with this fairness issue when interacting with the opposite gender as long as it was non-desi. In fact, it was considered far more attractive to be darker (then again, sanwli doesnt mean really dark...just tannish I guess). So, it never really affected my self-esteem or bothered me in the least.
But now when it comes to desi guys and their moms...tauba! The horror stories I could tell you about some girls! Just because of their skin color. Alhumdulillah, I have never dealt with bozos like that and hope it stays that way. My fiance's family is well educated and are very nice people.
Bottom line is:
Love yourself for who and what you are. Thats when your real beauty starts to show. I know a lot of girls who are just average looking but because they're confident in their abilities are far more attractive. I also know some very good looking girls who have poor self-esteem which makes them unattractive when they open their mouth. Know what colors are best for you, what makes you slimmer or flatters your figure, what foods are harmful for your body and what foods help you, etc. Its not about being skinny and fair - this is a mere desi man's perception of beauty...faulty at best. At the end of the day, its about you looking your best.
Allah swt made you a certain way and you are His masterpiece.
^ I completely agree with you. You have raised a lot of valid points.
My mom always gets comments about my skin tone from aunty's, usually along the lines of "aap ki beti itni gori chitti hai MashAllah"....this always makes me laugh because a lot of my friends are from different cultures and always tell me that I need to get a tan! Such comments about me being fair are most unsettling when mentioned in front of my other female cousins, all of whom have gorgeous tanned skin but are slightly younger then me. One of my cousin's even started using a fairness cream (to no avail) because she said she was sick and tired of having her skin tone compared to mine. When I explained to her that she was gorgeous as she is she told me that she found it hard to believe when all these desi aunty's are always harping on about how fairness = beauty. So many girls nowadays get rejected for rishtas simply because they are tanned. I find this kind of thinking to be completely inappropriate and is the reason why so many girls turn to fairness creams. Looks eventually fade but a person's personality is there to stay. Hence all of these aunty's who are trying to find a perfect, thin, gori chitti girl for their sons need to look past what's on the outside and focus on the type of person she is.
^ I completely agree with you. You have raised a lot of valid points.
My mom always gets comments about my skin tone from aunty's, usually along the lines of "aap ki beti itni gori chitti hai MashAllah"....this always makes me laugh because a lot of my friends are from different cultures and always tell me that I need to get a tan! Such comments about me being fair are most unsettling when mentioned in front of my other female cousins, all of whom have gorgeous tanned skin but are slightly younger then me. One of my cousin's even started using a fairness cream (to no avail) because she said she was sick and tired of having her skin tone compared to mine. When I explained to her that she was gorgeous as she is she told me that she found it hard to believe when all these desi aunty's are always harping on about how fairness = beauty. So many girls nowadays get rejected for rishtas simply because they are tanned. I find this kind of thinking to be completely inappropriate and is the reason why so many girls turn to fairness creams. Looks eventually fade but a person's personality is there to stay. Hence all of these aunty's who are trying to find a perfect, thin, gori chitti girl for their sons need to look past what's on the outside and focus on the type of person she is.
different perspectives...different views...if aunties make u uncomfortable...then how about your friends..? what do they have against white skin? why they keep on harping about you getting a tan? seems like you have no problem with what your friends think and say but the same does make u feel uncomfortable when it comes from desi aunties...seems like our ppl have some shameless agenda against desis that they will stop at nothing to demean and put them down. no matter how low you yourself have to go for that.
yeah really it isnt just desis that are hung up on whiteness. the chinese and the japanese also love white skin....asian women in general especially chinese and japanese go to extreme lengths to avoid direct sunlight so their skin is porcelain like. many puerto rican people are racist against darker puerto ricans and prefer puerto ricans with lighter skin. middle eastern women are also obsessed with light skin. seems pretty universal. and as far as the white (read non-desi) ladies being tan obsessed is concerned...their tanning is alot different than what desis call 'tan'....many times desis and yellow skinned people will tan unevenly into a dirty color that will look anything but healthy...however, goras are usually referring to a healthy golden tan...which actually looks beautiful. basically, even-toned, unblemished skin is considered beautiful everywhere. I never saw any auntie bashing a dark skinned girl who had beautiful features and had good glowing skin....i never saw guys going crazy over a girl with mehhh features just cuz she's fair skinned....
