Amy Chua (Professor of Law at Yale) is getting a lot of media attention for her ‘parenting’ book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.
Her daughters were not allowed to do the following:
attend a sleepover
have a playdate
be in a school play
complain about not being in a school play
watch TV or play computer games
choose their own extracurricular activities
get any grade less than an A
not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama
play any instrument other than the piano or violin
not play the piano or violin.
Here is the article she wrote for the Washington Post: Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior
Ooh, I was reading the articles about this lady. Given that I haven't read her book, I wonder whether she's being too harshly criticized?
I understand that the premise of her book was rather morally superior, i.e. that Asian parents do a better job raising their children (raise overachievers). During the snippet of the interview with her that I caught, she describes how she excelled because of her parents' strict upbringing of her. She goes on to describe how she in turn raised her own children with a similarly strict upbringing. But what I noticed was that she tried to interject about how she had mellowed in her parenting style over the years and that she had changed, a point which the interviewer really didn't let her elaborate on. I wonder whether she's the despotic mother that the articles have made her out to be, or instead a woman who's evolved in her motherhood experience.
I read this article a few weeks back and thought about posting it--never got around to it.
I think her rules are extremely strict BUT her philosophy--which is to excel in everything--is commendable. I think our culture is being too dumbed down due to low standards and low expectations.
As for the predictions that people make, that these kids will be miserable and depressed--would you rather be miserable and make a 6 figure salary, to support your family, or be miserable and making a minimum wage salary b/c you don't have many other options?
You guys are so brown (it's a compliment). I was talking about this with a white friend, and she was very critical of Amy Chua, the idea of a parent calling her child 'garbage' was shocking to her. Having myself grown up with the threat of the rolling pin hanging over me, I had to explain to her it wasn't quite as awful as it was being made to sound. T
I read something which castigated her for pushing her daughters' musical talents too far, because although that would make them competent it would detract from the 'soul' of it. I wondered if that reporter really was ignorant of the fact that all the creative arts require just as much bog work as anything else. You have to put the time, and the practice and the effort in, talent is just a small percent of it.
I agree though that until the book is released/read we can't really pass judgement in the way that so many media commentators have done.
I haven't read that book but I think some of the points listed above are valid. There is no doubt that Asian kids are overachievers. Look around in the USA schools and you'll know. One reason is that we stress a lot on being excellent rather than just mediocre. The only thing I have problems with is the way we do it. I think we nag a bit much as well as take kids down guilt trips and negative programming.
^ Yup. Emphasizing on excellence is important, I don't think there is anything wrong with that provided both the parents and the children are aware what the reasoning for the emphasis is. I know too many families who push their kids just because that is what society's expectations are, or because they want to keep up with other people and all that kind of nonsense.
I just had a chat with my friend on this. She wants her kids to learn "everything" pretty much. So her husband asked her what it is that she is trying to achieve by this overpowering attitude...the thing is that we desis want our children to do everything we wanted to...so we impose our desires on them instead of identifying their strengths and working on those.
I knwo there are things I wanted to do as a little kid that I couldn’t due to whatever reasons…and my husband did do things so he wants his kdis to do the same. now if only the yet-non-existing children would agree to it
I saw her interview and do agree with some things.But when she said that she tore the birthday card her daughter made her just because she thought it wasn't perfect,was a bit too extreme IMO.Wont that hurt their confidence??
And not letting them even complain about anything....like being in a play etc...is also a bit too much...
Extremes never make sense to me. A hippie trippie let the baby "be" who s/he wants to "be" kinda parenting style has never been my thing. But I'm also not interested in raising a robot -- I don't care how productive a human being s/he will be. I want to cultivate her spirit as well, and some of this stuff sounds unnecessarily harsh.
Sahar, I really like your comment about cultivating spirit.
That said, I was brought up by a 'tiger mother' type and I'm pretty certain I don't lack spirit. I think sometimes things sound way harsher than they are in actuality.
Cz once you learn piano or violin--which can be pretty difficult--you never forget it and its easier to transition into any other instrument...at least that was one of the reasons I read...
Cz once you learn piano or violin--which can be pretty difficult--you never forget it and its easier to transition into any other instrument...at least that was one of the reasons I read...
