I think all these are trivial issues because she is definitely an asset to my home in terms of helping out, but the crux of the problem is the feeling as some have said of feeling that she is taking over my house or being made the helper. I also feel pressure to 'babysit' her because I feel bad if I go out and have fun knowing she cant get out unless I take her.
I am going to try again to talk to her and pray that she shows a better reaction than her son!
Hi Wild,
I wonder if your MIL's constant cleaning is due to her not having company of friends her own age......................or is it the result of OCD **(obsessive compulsive disorder). **OCD is a rather common condition and some people manifest it in excessive cautious behavior such as checking the door multiple times to see if it's locked...............to excessive cleaning.
I know that proposing the idea of OCD will only backfire because most MILS won't admit they have the condition.......or even believe that is a condition......and most desi husbands will get angry at the idea. I only brought up the point because i was curious as to why she cleans a room after you and the housekeeper have just cleaned it? Is it because she doesn't think anyone else could do a good enough job cleaning as SHE can?
I wish your husband were more supportive. Do you think you can try talking to him again? And this time tell him that you are very grateful that you have such a helpful MIL.........and that you're just worried because you don't want her to outdo herself. And tell him that you always take her out........and could he at least sometimes take MIL and the kids out on the weekends......and that will give you some alone time to relax. What do you think he'll say to such a request?
Also...........talk to your MIL. And just ask her "Ammi/Aunti.......I know that you like going out. And I enjoy taking you out. It's just that sometimes I feel bad thinking that you will be upset if I leave you at home and go run an errand by myself. I just want to know that is it alright with you if sometimes I go out by myself to the salon or the doctor or to meet a friend? Will you be uncomfortable?"
You said that** I also feel pressure to 'babysit' her because I feel bad if I go out and have fun knowing she cant get out unless I take her. Wild, sometimes you can't worry about what other people think or you won't be able to live your life in even the most simplest of ways. Unless your MIL has explicitly told you that she does NOT want you to leave the house without her..............I wouldn't feel bad about leaving her at home and going out alone once in a while. IF she hasn't complained...........don't jump to assumptions. This is obviously taking a toll on you. You have enough issues to deal with inside the house................so at least you should have the time to relax when you're out of the house. If your MIL is *not **the type of woman to complain to your husband that *"Oh that Wild.....is a BAD BAHU.......she leaves an old woman at home".............then don't feel bad or guilty about leaving her at home once in a while. A lot of times our fearful feelings stem from our own perceptions...........which might be wrong. I hope you find relief soon. How is your relationship with your SIL. Do you guys have a good understanding? Is she trustworthy? Do you think it's possible for you to discuss the situation with you SIL..............being your MIL's daughter..........she might be able to reason with the woman in a way that won't implicate you. What do you think?