Re: why…
Will people stop trying to PRETEND living with inlaws is somehow Islamic
Bottom line is ur parents do have rights but when they cross the line and demand things that go against Islamic principles (like expecting DIL to live with them) obviously ur not obliged to follow them. Parents do have an elevated status but they should not be blindly obeyed.
It’s like saying Islam is against racism but my dad won’t allow me to marry a black man so I should follow my dad.. It’s common sense.. If parents are upset that their ADULT son is ready to move out and start his own family they need to get a reality check.
As Gaia already pointed out, don’t the girls’ parents bring her up, pay for her to go to college, support her etc? For someone married to an Arab supporting the ‘living with inlaws’ argument is a bit strange, 99% of Arabs would flat out refuse to give away their daughters to a man who wanted to move their daughter into his bedroom at home, they’ve always looked down on the Hindu-inspired joint family set up. When they do live ‘together’ it’s nearly always in separate apartments in the same building or complex, NOT sharing a kitchen, bathroom etc.
None of the Prophet’s (PBUH) family or companions practised the desi version of the joint family system and you won’t find ANY non-desi scholar recommending it. Anyone who seriously thinks living with inlaws is encouraged or is a plus in Islam check out these links:
http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=7128&CATE=100
http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=273&
http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=12&ID=242&CATE=87
At the very least, a man has to provide his wife with her own separate apartment, even if it’s within the confines of his family’s home. The wife should have her own living area, bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen.
Imam al-Kasani states in his Bada’i al-Sana’i: “It is necessary to provide the wife with shelter as Allah Most High Says: “Let the women live in the same stile as you live, according to your means. And annoy them not, so as to restrict them” (al-Talaq, 6).
So what about the other family members?
If the husband desired her to live with his other wife or his family members, such as: his mum, sister, daughter from another wife or relatives, and she refused, then it will incumbent upon him to provide her with a separate living quarter.
The reason for this is that she may be harmed in co-sharing, and her refusal is a sign of harm. Also, the spouses need to fulfill their mutual sexual needs whenever the need arises, which may be difficult with others around. If the husband provided her with a separate quarter in a large home, which has a separate lock, then she will not have right to demand for a total separate house” (Kasani, Bada’i al-Sana’i, Vol.4, P.23).
In conclusion, it is the responsibility of the husband to provide the wife with shelter. If she demands it to be separate from the husbands family, then the husband will be obliged to provide a living quarter which is free from the interference of others and that it has a separate lock.
