okeee heres the thing…we got married in July 2006…almost 15 months…my saas and her saas really wants to become a daadi and per daadi…whenever my saas call her inlaws or her mother…they always ask her one question…“bahu kee koi khuskhabri”……and when my saas is like “nahi abhi nahi”…they go k “tum kaisi saas ho”…of course aunties are never serious..they are always joking……at first i used to ignore all these comments…i mean i dont mind my saas asking me once in a while about our plans but what the hell is wrong with otherssss…i feel like thewy are pressuring her cuz i know she dont mind me working but whenever she calls Pakistan i always get a lecture…yesterday my saas was like “tumhey nahi pata k meray saath aur kitni aunties daadis banay gee”…kyun k my hubby is the oldest grandchild ho got married…its not my faultttttttt…i mean i am 22 and my hubby is pretty young aswell…i am graduating in decemeber and i plan to work after i am done with my education for like a year or so…also we are moving to a new place in jan…so it will take some time to start a family…like yesterday my saas was like “Allah kee dain mein deir nahi kerni chahye…Allah mian ka gift hota hai”…she once told me that somebody in their family was like me also and now she cant have kids…i mean i love kidssss…i have a nephew n i love him very muchhhhhh…and i really want to have kids but not right now…i am really scared i mean i dont want Allah to be naraz with me…we will have kids once we get settle in our new home..new state…new lifeeeee…is that a wrong thing??? Will this make Allah miyan mad at meeeeee???
p.s…oh yeah…one time…this aunty came to my saas and was like tumhari bahu kee shaadi ko saal say zaida ho gaya hai aur koi baby nahi…woh “theek” tou hai na…i mean commmmonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Not sure if it'll make you feel better but this is what happened to me just a week or 2 after my wedding, back home in paki Land. We were attending a function of my cousin's and this particularly stupid anti asked me the same question....koi khoosh khabri hain? U can only imagine my reaction...I was just in shock...like women do you know that we JUST got married. Even if I were to have a baby right away, it would take at least a month before I found out anyways!! Hehe I was speechless that how slow and annoying people can be. I just looked at her and told her "pehlay ap koi khoosh khabree de, phir ma"...that pissed her off I guess...cuz she's an aunti aunti...hehe but serves her right.
But don't let these people bother you. If anything just smile and say Allah ki marzi, don't ever bother with giving people details about why your not ready...they will have more things to talk about. Just as long as your hubby is on your side, be happy with your plans together & not worry about what others say. Believe me...even if you have a baby, then the next pestering question will be...so when is the next baby...why dont u have another baby, do u have fertility problem now...etc.... it will never end...so just ignore :)
Mrs. Shikra - I know how hard this must be on both of you, but don't be influenced by what anybody says. This decision is only your's and your husband to make. Your husband should make it very clear on his side of the family and you should do the same with your's.
As far as when outsiders asks this question, a simple reply like "jab Allah kee marzee ho gee, bas dua kareiin" should suffice.
In my opinion (so take it with a grain of salt) and talking from experience, having a child builds a strong bond in husband-wife relationship and brings you both closer than ever. Everything else should be a lower priority than this.
lol .. no am not laughing at you, but am in the same situation too bummer gor married in July 2006 too, graduating in Jan and want to work for about a year, but whenever i talk to my mother-in-law, sis-in-law etc.. the q pops up.. koi khush khabri? am like.. err not yet! its all other ppl asking them all the time about me. plus 3 of my cousins have got married like 4/5 mnths after i did and all of them are due any time soon.
My sis-in-law delayed having a baby and then she couldn’t have it for like a couple of years and is due to give birth in feb inshAllah after 7 yrs of marriage.. and ppl have told her it was her fault coz she didn’t have it earlier, and now she says that to me!
don’t say jab Allah ki marzi.. coz i did that and then someone thought i wanted to but there was something wrong with me (God forbid!)
Nearly three years and this is all I hear! It's ridiculous. It's one thing when it comes from close family members, but from aunties who barely see you, it's just plain ridiculous! How dare they.
If you want to freak them out, you might ask for tips on sexual positions that may lead to fertilization.
thankyou so much everyone…i thought k i was the only one…but i am glad k there are other guppans in the same situation…lol…but do you guys all think…its wrong to wait??? i mean i know in our culture, first thing girls do after getting married is getting pregnant…but here in US the lifestyle is really different…my MIL’s best friend who is in her 40s just had a girl and she was like “baita ab tou sharminda ho jaou aur samajh lo k baby ker lo” and ofcourse she was joking:rolleyes:…i hate when these aunties in a “joking” way tell you what to do and if you get offended they are like “baita mein tou mazaq ker rehi thee…tum woh kero jo tumhey sahi lagay”…arghhhhhhhh…these aunties na…
These aunties...I'd LOVE to see their faces if you told them a week after the wedding "oh YES!! I'm expecting triplets!! ALL three are boys!! And they're due NEXT MONTH!!!"
Then when the blessed event does not occur, tell them sadly that you're trying and trying, perhaps you havent quite mastered the whole sexual aspect of it all so maybe they'd like to share their personal experience on THAT whole matter.
its a generation effect.. it was done to them when they got married and now they have waited all their life to say it to you.. we desis are good at this..
your MIL should just tell everyone that you are still in school and that you want to finish and then you 2 will plan your family inshAllah…end of story…gosh! such nosey aunties!
these kind of comments from elders show that they would want to ensure their sons are able to father a child, no?
let them guess. :>
one day they will realize that there is something called privacy and shame and a sense of personal respect for a young couple's family life.
I will let you ladies have your discussion/ventilation after saying a few words.
I have made it very clear in direct words to my family that we will have babies when we think is the best time. I do not let pressure overcome me. They understand me loud and clear and that is the reason they do not ask me that question anymore. It's Mrs. who gets under pressure and lets them ask this question again and again. I have suggested her if anyone asks again, refer them to me and I would love to talk to them.
Mom also understands, or pretends that she does, and I respect her feelings/wish to become a grandma. It's mostly when she talks to her friends and I don't know what they ask/tell her. It's after those conversations when she starts it all over again with Mrs.
I dont’ mind when my mother-in-law says anything, she usually jokes abt it, that like nxt time i come to Pak, it’ll be w/ a baby , my nand/jethanis dont say anything abt it…but yeah ive heard the stupidest comments before but i dont let it bother me…its just something to tell abt
I dont think its wrong to wait, you guys are young and you have InshaAllah plenty of time to have kids. But then again i am not an auntie so who cares for my opinion
When ppl usually ask me, i just say, jab ALlah ki marzi hogi. My mom also had ppl asking the first month after i got married, so i am kinda glad they didnt directly ask me.
I feel for people who endure these questions especially since I went thru almost 3 years of infertility treatments. You cant begin to imagine the questions that people feel free to ask of you - not desis specifically - I mean EVERYONE. I felt like making a big poster for our front yard specifying my hubbys sperm count on it just to shut em all up.
From experience, you need to either embarrass them into silence or tell them off in very plain language. Otherwise it just continues and that can actually be worse in some ways than actually dealing with infertility (or with delaying parenthood for a bit).
Allah swt, aisa nice aur sensitive husband seb ko ataa karey. amen.
Mrs. Shikra, you are very lucky, mash Allah and so is mr. Shikra.
kush rahein dono, mash Allah. :>
best,
Dushwari
I will let you ladies have your discussion/ventilation after saying a few words.
I have made it very clear in direct words to my family that we will have babies when we think is the best time. I do not let pressure overcome me. They understand me loud and clear and that is the reason they do not ask me that question anymore. It's Mrs. who gets under pressure and lets them ask this question again and again. I have suggested her if anyone asks again, refer them to me and I would love to talk to them.
Mom also understands, or pretends that she does, and I respect her feelings/wish to become a grandma. It's mostly when she talks to her friends and I don't know what they ask/tell her. It's after those conversations when she starts it all over again with Mrs.
loogon ko kissi haal mai chaain nahi ..i hear these sort of stupid comments even after mawiz:smack:free people nothing better to do.aik kaan sai sunno aur doosarai sai nikaal doo ..thats why God has given us 2 ears:hehe:
…and when my saas is like “nahi abhi nahi”…they go k “tum kaisi saas ho”…of course aunties are never serious..they are always joking…
…at first i used to ignore all these comments…i mean i dont mind my saas asking me once in a while about our plans but what the hell is wrong with otherssss…i feel like thewy are pressuring her cuz i know she dont mind me working but whenever she calls Pakistan i always get a lecture…yesterday my saas was like “tumhey nahi pata k meray saath aur kitni aunties daadis banay gee”…kyun k my hubby is the oldest grandchild ho got married…its not my faultttttttt…i mean i am 22 and my hubby is pretty young aswell…i am graduating in decemeber and i plan to work after i am done with my education for like a year or so…also we are moving to a new place in jan…so it will take some time to start a family…like yesterday my saas was like “Allah kee dain mein deir nahi kerni chahye…Allah mian ka gift hota hai”…she once told me that somebody in their family was like me also and now she cant have kids…i mean i love kidssss…i have a nephew n i love him very muchhhhhh…and i really want to have kids but not right now…i am really scared i mean i dont want Allah to be naraz with me…we will have kids once we get settle in our new home..new state…new lifeeeee…is that a wrong thing??? Will this make Allah miyan mad at meeeeee???
^
, my nand/jethanis dont say anything abt it…but yeah ive heard the stupidest comments before but i dont let it bother me…its just something to tell abt 
