I prefer not be to called cupcake or any other confectionery label for that matter …besides “Redvelvet” (which is based on red velvet cake).
It all boils down to one’s interpretation of the word “baggage”. I never said that baggage is an event, CM. To me…baggage refers to the emotions that result from a particular event. Rape is an event…the feelings which result from such an event such as shame, anger, fear, distrust of men are what I consider to be “baggage”.
You said that most issues in relationships do not revolve around personality traits that are manifest and apparent.
^ My personal opinion is that I don’t entirely agree with the above point. Issues in a relationship can result from manifest and apparent personality traits. For example…if your spouse is beating the crap out of you…his uncontrollable aggressive behavior is indeed a MANIFEST and APPARENT personality trait. His short temper is a manifest and apparent personality trait because you can see the manifested rage, you can hear the manifested profanities hurled at you, and you can feel the manifested palm slap your face. Your inner anxieties can manifest themselves in various personality traits.
The above scenario is just an example. Now, it’s possible that an **event **in the guy’s life has triggered the development of a short-fuse temper. Perhaps he learned the behavior from an alcoholic father or from his bipolar mother. The alcoholic father and the bipolar mother could be considered as the primary events/situation that has led to the development of emotional baggage such as anger management issues.
In my opinion emotional baggage consists of negative feelings both (apparent and non-apparent) (conscious and subconscious) (manifest and hidden)…that are preventing the person (male or female) from forming lasting and healthy (platonic, familial, romantic) relationships with others.
This has been an interesting and intellectually stimulating discussion. We both can agree to disagree on our interpretations of what constitutes emotional baggage
Are people without baggage? Nope. But some of us check it at the door. Others do not. Secondly I have my fair share of baggage. But I check mine at the door, always have. Go into everything with a head long charge and never any regrets.
Well I take the liberty to address you.
1-either baggage is too light.
OR
2-U underestimate women(most likely)
+
you over estimate your self.
Women have it. More so if they have a previous relationship. The question that comes to mind is it the husband's responsibility to deal with the damage from the previous relationship?
Frankly baggage caused by another person, is not my responsibility. A relationship is with the whole individual. But issues of projection and assumptions should be checked at the door or don't bother coming in.
cm - i agree with what's in red.
I do not agree with the one above. It's not JUST women - MEN have baggage too.
"Baggage " is what molds a persons' personality......... of course it often does form negative perceptions of things and that can affect future relationships so that even if down the line you do find an understanding partner , if you haven't let go of your past , you cannot live in the present.
CM I would agree with you about the "Baggage" not being your responsibility however it is your choice then to be in such a relationship or with someone who carries around baggage. However don't you think baggage is a relative term that an be ascribed to anything that doesn't fit your criteria of what is what or how things should be ?
hmmm
since many day I have been thinking about the same thing.
I am going to open a thread about it soon. With exact same point too.
hmmmmm
Everyone has baggage, both men and women have emotional scars.. it could be a ruff childhood, ex-issues.. having a crush on a sexy female neighbor and things not working out.. or childhood "baat-pakki" not flourishing into a wedding. If women have to hear it.. men surprise! YOU do too!
The only baggage u can say "no" to is children from a previous marriage or out of wedlock! :)
[quote]
The only baggage u can say "no" to is children from a previous marriage or out of wedlock!
[/quote]
So another words, you'd accept the person but not their children (or baggage according to you) .. doesn't that make one selfish?
I know what your name refers to. My sister likes red velvet cupcakes. Baking goods, I have a really odd habit of using odd names to describe people. So no more cupcake but I shall retain one of my most endearing qualities. So baking goods, as you stated our disagreement is on the nature and definition of baggage. As I stated earlier I define baggage as assumptions or unfound paranoia based on experiences from previous relationships that are projected on to the new "significant other" for no valid reason. The only definition I grew up with.
In the case of the abuse husband, that i do not consider that baggage. They are definitely emotional scars, but not baggage. Just like a woman who had an abusive husband would not be considered high maintenance. Baggage is just another method to describe a high maintenance woman. A woman with hang ups, issues that are projected on to someone else can be considered high maintenance on top of the traditional stuff, moody, strung up, arrogant and what not.
I know what your name refers to. My sister likes red velvet cupcakes. Baking goods, I have a really odd habit of using odd names to describe people. So no more cupcake but I shall retain one of my most endearing qualities. So baking goods, as you stated our disagreement is on the nature and definition of baggage. As I stated earlier I define baggage as assumptions or unfound paranoia based on experiences from previous relationships that are projected on to the new "significant other" for no valid reason. The only definition I grew up with.
In the case of the abuse husband, that i do not consider that baggage. They are definitely emotional scars, but not baggage. Just like a woman who had an abusive husband would not be considered high maintenance. Baggage is just another method to describe a high maintenance woman. A woman with hang ups, issues that are projected on to someone else can be considered high maintenance on top of the traditional stuff, moody, strung up, arrogant and what not.
…besides “Redvelvet” (which is based on red velvet cake).
