Women have it. More so if they have a previous relationship. The question that comes to mind is it the husband’s responsibility to deal with the damage from the previous relationship?
Frankly baggage caused by another person, is not my responsibility. A relationship is with the whole individual. But issues of projection and assumptions should be checked at the door or don’t bother coming in.
Re: Baggage
By baggage, Im assuming you mean emotional scars left behind as a result of past/prior relationships.
There are some things you can help and some things you cant. Just like your experiences have made you the man you are today...a woman's experiences mold her and her thinking.
If someone is still pining after an ex, missing them, not moving past them...then its a bad time for them to be in a relationship and they shouldnt be dating or prospecting.
However, if someone is simply careful then its not baggage...its being smart.
Women have it. More so if they have a previous relationship. The question that comes to mind is it the husband's responsibility to deal with the damage from the previous relationship?
Frankly baggage caused by another person, is not my responsibility. A relationship is with the whole individual. But issues of projection and assumptions should be checked at the door or don't bother coming in.
Well In a way it is!!!
You are smarter then that CM, I don't expect you to act like out of hatchery-ready-to-breed-paki-chick.
A "whole" individual comes with a past..like it or not ;) same goes for men!
Re: Baggage
Give the lady a new car. She got the jackpot. Yes but this forum as an example including personal examples is that paki women can't help but projecting and form opinions based on no facts or substance.
Also can you not be serious in my threads? I live in strife!
Re: Baggage
CM...............You write well, I've noticed that. You also offer strong advice, which is another commendable quality. But many issues are not only confined to one particular gender......and attributing these issues only to one gender is not wise.
I know a guy who married a girl who he felt nothing in the world for. Why? Because of baggage. He wanted to marry his cousin and her family was against it. So he marries this other girl when he was clearly not over his first love. After three months he divorced his wife..........ON HER BIRTHDAY*.* I kid you not. This guy nicely told his wife to take a few days off for her birthday and spend them with her mother and siblings. And then when the girl goes to her mother's home...........the jerk has the divorce papers delivered to her by mail. It turns out that the divorce was premeditated.....it was part of some strategy to try and marry his cousin. Well, the cousin's family rejected him yet again. And the guy married a second time.............and treated his second bride like chit. And then she got in touch with the first wife who told her everything..........and then the second wife divorced his ass.
Men can have baggage as well. And that baggage does not necessarily have to come from failed romantic relationships. People** (men and women) **can have emotional baggage that can result from various scenarios in their past such as parental divorce, death of a family member, rape, alcoholic parent, psychological/physical/sexual abuse by family member, severe neglect, etc.
And yes, you are right. The baggage needs to be sorted out before entering a commitment such as marriage. It's like I tell my students when they come to class............."leave the attitude at the door for the next 55 minutes that you are in my class."
But keep in mind.......that there are some types of baggage that are harder to let go. For example.....it's tougher to move on from parental abuse than it is to get over a failed romantic relationship. After all, your parents were a huge part of your childhood. And it takes continuous effort to overcome some types of emotional damage. You can't expect people to drop their baggage in a heart beat......permanently. ** Baggage can resurface.................even after the 55-minute class.**
Re: Baggage
Right so I have to be serious. There goes the dunce cap. While I agree with the notion that no specific attribute of personality is linked to one gender, each gender in Pakistani society has strong leanings to dealing with issues separately. In this regard baggage from a man centered view point is woman specific. While not always the case, the leanings are stronger for it to manifest openly in women. Men is far more subtle or in the case of your example just ****ing insane.
Now when it comes to baggage associated with significant real life experiences, I do not consider that baggage at all. Rather I consider that part of ones personality. A death of a family member, divorce shapes ones psyche and more importantly as a very strong affect on actions linked not just to a relationship. That is not baggage. Those are personality traits you can not take away from another individual.
Re: Baggage
and mostly present is a BIGGER baggage than distant/forgotten/ligth-year away past.
Re: Baggage
Baggage does not necessarily have to come in the form of previous relationships. Are we supposed to put the sum of our existence before marriage neatly folded in a closet or sweep it loving under the rug?
When you marry someone, you marry the person as a whole. You can't pick and choose which elements you like and which you don't.
Re: Baggage
My wife brought a lot of baggage with her. I lost the count of how many suitcases there were. Considering I could pack all my clothes in a few suitcases it was interesting to see how much stuff she had, but then I suppose girls need more stuff .. shoes, sandals, jewlery etc etc.
Re: Baggage
Re: Baggage
To reiterate baggage does not refer to significant life experiences ones personality. Rather the slang term refers to:
[quote]
what someone with kids, debt or other problems brings to a relationship.
[/quote]
L2urbandictionary....
My wife brought a lot of baggage with her. I lost the count of how many suitcases there were. Considering I could pack all my clothes in a few suitcases it was interesting to see how much stuff she had, but then I suppose girls need more stuff .. shoes, sandals, jewlery etc etc.
you are a good dude x2.
Right so I have to be serious. There goes the dunce cap. While I agree with the notion that no specific attribute of personality is linked to one gender, each gender in Pakistani society has strong leanings to dealing with issues separately. In this regard baggage from a man centered view point is woman specific. While not always the case, the leanings are stronger for it to manifest openly in women. Men is far more subtle or in the case of your example just ****ing insane.
Now when it comes to baggage associated with significant real life experiences, I do not consider that baggage at all. Rather I consider that part of ones personality. A death of a family member, divorce shapes ones psyche and more importantly as a very strong affect on actions linked not just to a relationship. That is not baggage. Those are personality traits you can not take away from another individual.
Baggage can lead to the development of certain personality traits. These things are not simply black and white. The lines can blur. A death of a family member, an absent parent, an abusive parent, and abusive boyfriend, an abusive ex...........can shape one's psyche BUT it can also lead to the development of new personality traits such as ......being more cautious, wary of people, not trusting easily, becoming aloof/distant in dealings with others, becoming too possessive, becoming too controlling, etc.
Baggage can lead to the development of certain personality traits. These things are not simply black and white. The lines can blur. A death of a family member, an absent parent, an abusive parent, and abusive boyfriend, an abusive ex...........can shape one's psyche BUT it can also lead to the development of new personality traits such as ......being more cautious, wary of people, not trusting easily, becoming aloof/distant in dealings with others, becoming too possessive, becoming too controlling, etc.
While I concede the point cupcake, I am not referring to baggage that is coming from significant events. Most issues in relations do not resolve around personality traits that are manifest and apparent.
They come misunderstandings based on assumptions that could be linked to relationships in the past. As an example, I had an ex-girlfriend who would consistently think I would cheat on her. To the extent that she accused me of cheating on her with my friends girlfriend. Yes it was insane to say the least.
That type of baggage is specifically not an issue of a personality of a significant event. Being cheated on is very low on the priority of earth shattering emotional scars. More importantly is no that high on the "**** I will deal with".
Rape, an abusive father, a mother dying when the child is young. Yes those are significant events but they are not baggage. Baggage refers to in my very humble opinion issues that are not significant but are projected to be. Or unfounded fears and issues on a significant other that is not guilty of said crimes but someone else. Projection if you will.
Re: Baggage
"Baggage " is what molds a persons' personality......... of course it often does form negative perceptions of things and that can affect future relationships so that even if down the line you do find an understanding partner , if you haven't let go of your past , you cannot live in the present.
CM I would agree with you about the "Baggage" not being your responsibility however it is your choice then to be in such a relationship or with someone who carries around baggage. However don't you think baggage is a relative term that an be ascribed to anything that doesn't fit your criteria of what is what or how things should be ?
Re: Baggage
Sheyn while the term is subjective, as the original poster, I seek to define the discussion in a manner which I see most prudent. While this may not be the most accepted view point, it is the nature of the discussion.
Sheyn while the term is subjective, as the original poster, I seek to define the discussion in a manner which I see most prudent. While this may not be the most accepted view point, it is the nature of the discussion.
So CM do you think in todays day and age any individual is without "baggage" ?
Do you not think that you yourself may also be carrying said baggage from your past relationships ?
Re: Baggage
Kids aren't baggage, they're a blessing but if you consider that baggage than don't marry a woman with kids. I wouldn't call that baggage
Re: Baggage
Are people without baggage? Nope. But some of us check it at the door. Others do not. Secondly I have my fair share of baggage. But I check mine at the door, always have. Go into everything with a head long charge and never any regrets.