please can someone give me some good advise on how to deal with a backbiting mother and sister in law (nand) who complain about the most petty issues with regardst to me and my family…its really getting me down and becoz of them i have doubts about my husband, his sincerity towards me, he can be such a mummys boy that he believes them over me and absorbs all the crap they say.
please do dua for me. that Allah eases my affairs and puts some rehma in their hearts and opens up my husbands heart to the truth.
I don't know how to advise you since i'm in the same situation. My family is never given any importance by my husband's family. My family has been so nice to all of them but husband's family only has a small circle of people that they consider important.
This is the main reason that I don't feel any closeness to my husband anymore because he loves that his family is like this with my family and sometimes goes along with it. I don't understand it since he's nice in every other way but when his family does things like this, to him they are never wrong. I feel like crying all the time when I think about it.
I get so jealous of girls who have really sweet inlaws. Life's just not fair.
Please use your devotion to Allah here. Don't ask for advice from people. Most people contribute only when they have something negative to say.
Forget what your SIL says. She is a non-issue. You need to gain your MIL's trust. The easiest (or the most difficult, depending on your POV) will be to ensure that you do not make two homes in your house. Try to integrate in the ways of the house as they are. Once you have integrated and gained trust, you can do and change anything. Spend time talking with them. When your husband is in the house, don't take him straight to your room, even if he wants to.
Let them know that you are sincere with your husband and wants the best for him. Think of this as a challenge, which will have some down-sides but a little effort here will make you the winner in a few months.
to be honest, I dont think the husband should take any sides.....why should he take the side of the wife whom he has only known for a couple of years rather than his mother who has brought him up for 20/30 years (maybe longer)?
in these situations, the fault is usually on both sides. both should try and get on with each other....i feel sorry for the poor husband who is usually stuck in between
in these situations, the fault is usually on both sides. both should try and get on with each other....i feel sorry for the poor husband who is usually stuck in between
Difference between right and wrong should no be avoided. I know its tough but husband should listen to both sides...
I plan on being a really good sister in law until my sister in law is sweet and nice with my family takes care of my brother and my parents..
the moment she gets a little bitc*** she is asking for trouble.. but if she is nice... i promise she will have the most lovelable home ever.. Inshallah...
oh i am hoping i wont have any sister in laws or brother in laws :D - saas and sasur ka masla hi bohot hai
When a girl leaves her house, her parents her entire life for a guy to go to a nice house where she expects her hsuband to be on her side.
Now if the husband doesnt' take that place he can pretty much kill the relationship between both of them. He is suppose to take care of his wife and be there for his parents as well.
Either he should not take anyone's side or if he does he should see how it is as a third person as a outsider....
I have a fiance....and very soon will have a mother-in-law. i have sister in laws and we get on really well:) not ever had even one problem....they love my mom more than they even love their own moms.
when you have a son…and his wife is wrong…however..he still sticks up for her and totally neglects you…even though u r in the right…then we’ll see how u feel. ive seen guys do this…their wives be totally unreasonable and the guy still sticks up for her…ignoring the poor mother.
Paradise is under the feet of the mother …not the wife.
like I said, he should be just…and stand up for the wife as well as the mother…and stand up for the truth…
the girls in this thread are making it out to be that he should totally go against his mom even though she may be right…and its the wives fault. there needs to be a balance.
I guess than i’m envious of you too:). Seriously though, my brother’s wife’s is another person that i’m envious of but I love her like a sister and we do get along well since we talk on the phone all the time. My parents treated her parents with so much respect before and after marriage. They paid for half the wedding, built a small house for my sister in law to stay at when she goes to see her family and just spoiled her silly with gifts and love.
When I see my sister in laws situation I think about how I used to think about my future in laws before marriage and how I was going to be best friends with my MIL and never believed the myths about mean inlaws. Kinda didn’t end up like that rosey picture but I’m going to just be quiet and try to make my life better from now on.
If there’s a situation where a guy HAS to take sides (best thing would be to remain neutral and let them handle it on their own) he should take the side of who is right, whether that be the mother or the wife.
Yes paradise is under feet of the mother, but that’s no excuse to treat the wife like crap, as if she is replaceable. That mentality simply devalues the position of the wife and the whole idea of marriage as being a partnership where the two take care of each other and love each other.
Anyway there are some things that are simply wrong, no matter who is in the right, as devoted stated in her original post, her SIL/MIL are constantly complaining and backbiting; whehter she’s the perfect bhabhi or not, no one has a right to constantly compalin about her or backbite her, no matter what.
Not to say that in laws are always the evil ones,
(dils can just be as bad), but I wish people who are not ready to accept another woman in their son's life, just shouldn't wish for a son
in the first place.
Jab beta ho ga tau ek na ek din bahu bhi ho gi. It's as simple as that!!!!!!!
Oh gosh, If I do have a son one day and he gets married to a good woman who loves him very much and somehow there is an argument between me and my DIL one day......I would never want my son to take sides at all and I would never want my son to take my side when I am clearly the one who is wrong just because i'm his mother. I would like to make it so my DIL would come to me whenever she has a problem or my son hasn't been treating her properly.
But I would kick him a few times if he didn't treat his wife right.
I guess it will all depend on how I raise my son.
I'll just look at the example of my mother and her DIL and how well they get along and love each other and learn from that.:)
Dushwari let em do it, in the end you are gonna get all their good deeds and they might get a taste of hell for doing that to you. And if you really want to do something about it well it would depend on the situation. you said they backbite, obviously u heard it from someone. Confront them, tell them you dont appriciate them talking about you but do it in a respectful and straight forward way.
please do dua for me. that Allah eases my affairs and puts some rehma in their hearts and opens up my husbands heart to the truth. :(
I really hate this situation, the best thing is to avoid. Allah sab kuch sun raha hai aur dekh raha hai. If you're not hurting anyone's feelings then inshaAllah you'll get a reward for that, and your MIL and SIL will come to know that they were wrong.
