So how do married girls who dont have kids deal with the constant pressure of having them?
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try not to think about it too much - in one ear and out the other
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I just tell people that im not married yet and its highly inappropriate for them to suggest such a thing. That shuts them up good and proper.
Just smile and nod. Surely you expected the questions...
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abhi se. itni jaldi. ridiculous ppl
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i dont get many questions so its not a major concern
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I always get questions like "Are you planning for more". wth
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my husbands grandmother seems to think the only conversation we should be having is about me getting pregnant so she can have something to do (i.e. play with kids)..... now thats a good reason to have em!
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lol this couple i know decided to wait to have kids but family members and outsiders always seemed to be concerned for NO reason. People begin to assume things like oh maybe shes having trouble getting pregnant when that wasnt even the case! lol I remmeber this older woman giving them advice on what duas to read for having children, it was funny.
I used to fret about it too but thank God not many ppl said anything to my face... the ones who did got the answer ...we are humans this is all in Allah's hands pls keep us in your prayers.... and I always had the look on my face which said pls do not probe me any further....
I just found out when ppl found out that we are expecting pretty much everyone thought that we could not have kids.... WTH.... so ppl will think what they want to think, without confirming with you.... so best answer is pls keep us in your duaas... and when Allah wills for us to have and raise kids so it will be....
Another woman who doesn't have any kids of her own ( I really feel for her poor soul, just a wonderful lady) had come to visit a family member who had just delivered and this woman looked at me and said : So automne you guys should do something to have a baby too now.... (I would've kept quiet and given her the diplomatic answer but there was my other relative who has always held it over my head that she has kids and we don't ) I just looked at her and sweetly answered: Aunty as husband and wife living together .... We do do stuff... it is upto Allah though to bless us with children and when He wants He gives.....
So you are gonna have diff situations just be patient...and pls don't rush into having kids just coz ppl are talking... pray that Allah gives you kids when you both are ready...coz ppl aren't gonna come and do your things for you...they are just gonna pressure you for the second one...
Sorry for the long post... wanted to share :)
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IGNORE
most people have assumed we're having trouble, something wrong with me, one lady asked me if i was using anything to prevent having kids omg. was v.taken aback. she then went on to say that i shouldnt. sigh.
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I had people hinting at kids since the second month of marriage..."ab chalo tum bhi koi good news sunado na!"
Its partly because all the family girls who got married around my wedding are all preggo...I swear its like this past summer it was mating season or something!!! It seems all of them called each other and planned when to get pregnant and when to deliver and just left me out!
I dont know what people expect questions will do? All it does is stress someone out unnecessarily.
I had people hinting at kids since the second month of marriage..."ab chalo tum bhi koi good news sunado na!"
Its partly because all the family girls who got married around my wedding are all preggo...I swear its like this past summer it was mating season or something!!! It seems all of them called each other and planned when to get pregnant and when to deliver and just left me out!
I dont know what people expect questions will do? All it does is** stress **someone out unnecessarily.
It's because people forget that it is Allah who is in control of such things and as a result they stupidly (not necessarily with malicious intent) ask...."Why are you not preggers yet?" For those who are single, it's "Why are you not married yet?"
We desi Muslims often tell others, "Bas, Allah ki marzi." Yet, strangely we forget this VERY SAME LINE when we ask people questions about their personal lives. You're a strong woman. Don't let their questions and lack of tact "stress" you out. Your life does not run according to THEIR time schedule. Your life doesn't even run according to YOUR time schedule. When Allah wills it, it will be. It's so easy for others to ask when you'll pop a baby out, but you're the one who will have the enormous responsibility of raising it. Concentrate on strengthening your marriage. And the next time someone asks, just smile and say, **"Whenever Allah wills. Life runs according to His schedule not mine or yours." **It's a simple and nicely worded response that very very very subtly makes the other person feel slightly stupid.
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its really not easy to ignore but u hav to act a lil dheet here. Most of all, do u really wish to get preggo with all those ladies? i think u r the lucky one here n they r gonna envy u later. this envy comes out in silly questions.
I had people hinting at kids since the second month of marriage..."ab chalo tum bhi koi good news sunado na!"
Its partly because all the family girls who got married around my wedding are all preggo...I swear its like this past summer it was mating season or something!!! It seems all of them called each other and planned when to get pregnant and when to deliver and just left me out!
I dont know what people expect questions will do? All it does is stress someone out unnecessarily.
I had people asking my MIL 3 weeks after our wedding... liek seriously, i dont get people. Where are their brains?
Focus on yourself and ur husband....
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Ppl say things, some say it like sadzz says - 3 weeks after the wedding. "OMG, you are not pregnant yet?" Weirdo's.
I've had random aunties whom I do not even know come up and ask me directly if I'm avoiding having kids or if I am having problems, and what sort of precautions am I taking of any and what "treatment" I have taken to rectify the problem of trying. I was gobsmacked. So shocked I couldn't reply!
Best thing is to ignore and certainly do NOT give them any facts, i.e. if you are or are not using precautions, if you are planning to have them in a couple or years or whatever.
If you can ignore them without a response, then ignore, otherwise do as the others have said, say when Allah wills then it will happen. There is nothing more true than that!
Ppl say things, some say it like sadzz says - 3 weeks after the wedding. "OMG, you are not pregnant yet?" Weirdo's.
I've had random aunties whom I do not even know come up and ask me directly if I'm avoiding having kids or if I am having problems, and what sort of precautions am I taking of any and what "treatment" I have taken to rectify the problem of trying. I was gobsmacked. So shocked I couldn't reply!
Best thing is to ignore and certainly do NOT give them any facts, i.e. if you are or are not using precautions, if you are planning to have them in a couple or years or whatever.
If you can ignore them without a response, then ignore, otherwise do as the others have said, say when Allah wills then it will happen. There is nothing more true than that!
Glad to hear I'm not the only one who has to put up with this.
sigh
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Another reason to hate desi inappropriate douchebags. I've been known to ask a very rude aunty who asked me indirectly about my ability to make a child, let's just say I asked the aunty which position she found to be most conducive to getting pregnant. She never asked again.
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^^ aahmed... i love your reply...
whatever you do PS don't tell anyone if you guys are not planning on having kids or if you are trying... in my experience...it is usually only your partner and less than a handful of ppl who are there as your support system...rest most desis are just there to tch tch you... and if you tell someone by chance that you are taking precautions then it comes to bite you in the a***
It is your life, just coz women are popping out babies left and right doesn't mean you have to do the same... Allah decides when you will have a baby and believe me you will only have it when HE feels you are ready... have a wonderful time with your hubby....cross out all the things on your checklist of what you wanna do as a couple.... all the best inshAllah ...