THIS IS EXACTLY why I try to stay away from these cheap desi jackasses. It seriously enrages me when I hear about such nonsense. Good for you for planning to enjoy some time with your husband, travel around, have lazy weekends, etc. I can't believe the gall of some of these aunties, I WISH I had these things happen to me, I would have LOVED to have turned around and asked them something like "aunty when you had your kids, what positions did YOU use?" and "we don't want kids yet because we like to do a lot of kinky stuff, like S&M, and we feel like that's not a good environment for kids"
THIS IS EXACTLY why I try to stay away from these cheap desi jackasses. It seriously enrages me when I hear about such nonsense. Good for you for planning to enjoy some time with your husband, travel around, have lazy weekends, etc. I can't believe the gall of some of these aunties, I WISH I had these things happen to me, I would have LOVED to have turned around and asked them something like "aunty when you had your kids, what positions did YOU use?" and "we don't want kids yet because we like to do a lot of kinky stuff, like S&M, and we feel like that's not a good environment for kids"
AAAGHH!
LOL funny. I wouldn't mind saying the s&m line. The aunties wouldn't understand anything haha.
I have a friend who is going through the same ordeal with her MIL. Fortunately for her, the MIL lives far away and her husband is very supportive of her because he knows how irritating it can be. My friend has dealt with this issue by talking to her husband and expressing her concerns and feelings. And also by keeping MIL at a distance. You've only been married 8 months and it's ridiculous of them to expect you to get pregnant the first year that you are married. It's also RUDE because it makes a woman feel like a baby producing machine and less of a human being who has her own wishes and opinions as well. It's soooooooo EASY for them to bug you with questions about when you're gonna have a baby. But YOU'RE the one whose going to have carry the baby in you for 9 months and raise it......so it's HUGE DEAL for you especially and they should keep that in mind.
But tact is not always considered by MIL's. So, I suggest you talk to your hubby and tell your plans of when you'd like to have children. And work it out with him.....cuz you 2 are the ones who'll raise the kid so your/his opinions and goals matter more than the MIL's. Once you talk to your husband about this and express to him how pressured you feel when his mom keeps bugging you.........he might even handle his mom by telling her that the baby making plans are put on hold until (whenever) and we'll let you know when there's any good news and asking **all the time **is not gonna make anyone have a baby any time soon. Hopefully when he steps in, your MIL will get the message.
And keep in mind that things happen according to Allah's time schedule and no amount of MIL bugging is gonna change that. You'll have a baby when Allah wants you to have one whether that's a year from now or 5 years down the road. So talk to your hubby and pray for what is best for you both.
I went back and read your post on the previous page in which you said you wanted advice on how to deal with women who are nosy and pressuring you not out of sincerity....but for the sick pleasure of making you do something out of pressure. I don't know how you were able to determine this intention of theirs but gosh people are weird and transparent at times. I don't know if these women are aunties or among your peer group.....but I've come up with some simple strategies that I've read about on how to put nosy people in their place.
1) The next time they bug you........look them in the eyes.......draw your eyebrows together......and SMILE. That's right.......SMILE **at them **without saying a word. Give them the type of smile you would give a blundering child who has just said something silly/absurd. You know what I mean. That** amused sort of smile*. And do this without saying a word. Look them in the eye, smile in an amused away........then say "excuse me" and leave them to go get refreshments or something. What this does is.....that it creates an **AWKWARD* silence between you and your offender. And** IF the offender is **SMART.....she will feel** uncomfortable** with your stony silence and condescending smile and next time she hopefully won't ask you the dreaded question again. It's like you're trying to use body language to send across a message. To add more effect......you can roll your eyes and** shake your head in silent disapproval** as you condescendingly smile at them. Body language can be a powerful way of putting people in their place.
2) This is a basic idea I got from a friend. She told me that if someone offends you with a nosy question such as "How much money do you make?" or "When are you having a baby?" Simply look at them and respond with, "Why do you feel such a strong (or desperate) need to know? This response of yours is not offensive (as you're not making fun of the person or cussing them out).......but it definitely makes the offender feel uncomfortable **and even **stupid. Plus the words **"strong need" **implies that the offender doesn't have a life of their own.....and that's what makes him/her feel weird.
3) If you KNOW that you have answered their nosy question MANY times, the next time they ask.......use a direct approach that makes them feel dumb. For example when you are asked ONCE AGAIN when you're having a baby.......you should laugh and say, "Wow, do you have temporary amnesia **or something because you keep asking me this question. And I always give you the same response. But for some reason, it seems that you can't remember it. And that's strange because I know that we both speak and understand the same language here. Well, in case you failed to understand me as usual....here's the thing. My husband and I are not planning to have a baby any time soon. But since you feel such a strong desire to know about my plans.......if I do get preggers........I'll be sure to let you know first. I wouldn't want you to lose your mind**** from not knowing every detail of my personal life"
4) Act happy. Miserable people like to bring others down with them. Don't fall for that. Act happy and it will make them angry to think that you are immune to their ridiculous comments. Happiness is the best revenge. So next time the bug you with the same questions.......act as if your life is the BEST! Say something like, *"Babies? My husband and I don't have any near future plans of having a baby. We want to have a baby when we're ready. We're not the kind pf couple to give into external pressures and we are a very laid-back couple that respects the privacy and plans of other couples. Right now we're having such a BLAST *just being in each others' company. Things are so wonderful and romantic. We go out to the movies, shopping, and restaurants, and travelling. We're to busy into each other to be ready for a family. So we've postponed having babies for some time" **When these women hear how happy you are and how wonderful your life is............they're gonna burn!
5) Or just smile and casually say,** "Honey, please. Most of us have enough going on in our own individual lives to be bothering with other people's lives. It's way toooo exhausting. You've got enough on your own plate. Okay hon? So sit down and chill. You want me to get u some tea? It'll calm you down. It must be tiring to play mother hen**** not only to your children but other adults as well."
^LOL RV, I love ur responses. They aren't for my MIL as I don't have one. My husband has already spoken to his dad so he doesn't say anything either. I've only been asked this twice and it was over the phone from distant inlaws. It's not that serious of a problem for me, I was just amused about how these women met me once in their life and decided I should have a baby right away. Or I guess they just want news so they can tell all the other relatives. Honestly, the next time someone even wants to speak to mr I'm just gonna tell my husband to tell them that I'm sleeping. Cuz I really don't find it necessary for them to speak to me when it's such a distant relation and I've only met them for 2 min and don't even recall their faces.
But I love ur first suggestion of the "stupid smile" that's what I normally do when someone says something dumb to me.
I think this is an extremely personal decision and ONLY between you and your husband. Noone else, not even immediate family, has any rights asking when you're having a baby or telling you to get pregnant. Just like noone has any business discussing your personal marriage or intimate life, there's no way they should be allowed to ask about babies either.
Someone on my husband's side asked me if we are going to have kids right away after rukhsati and they could tell by my expression that I was pissed at their question. I told them look, this is something very personal and I don't discuss it with anyone. That totally shut them up.
Like I said earlier, it's NOT their business and quite rude on their part to be asking such questions. Tell them clearly you're not going to discuss it with them.
Aunties, PALEEZ mind your own business and tell your kids to have kids when they get married or to have more if they already are married with kids. Stop making people's lives miserable.
if only we all knew our limits and stayed within .....
I think this is an extremely personal decision and ONLY between you and your husband. Noone else, not even immediate family, has any rights asking when you're having a baby or telling you to get pregnant. Just like noone has any business discussing your personal marriage or intimate life, there's no way they should be allowed to ask about babies either.
Someone on my husband's side asked me if we are going to have kids right away after rukhsati and they could tell by my expression that I was pissed at their question. I told them look, this is something very personal and I don't discuss it with anyone. That totally shut them up.
Like I said earlier, it's NOT their business and quite rude on their part to be asking such questions. Tell them clearly you're not going to discuss it with them.
i agree. my distant relatives dont ask at all. our immediate families dont ask either but they already know we arent planning on it. and ive only been asked twice and im pretty sure i wont be getting asked this question much but just found it very amusing. but i like ur response a lot! it really is no ones business.
^ Or keep it simple as Shay suggested and tell them politely that its none of their business. Just say, "While its thoughtful of you to be concerned, i assure you its not necessary. I don't feel comfortable talking about this issue because it deals with my personal life. So let's steer away from this as I don't want it to get in the way of of our relationship." (The last sentence especially applies to people who continuously pester others with nosy questions to the point that is hurting the relationship.)
I know that sincere friends will usually get the hint that they're being nosy when you call them on it......and they'll respect your privacy. I find that the people whom you're not very close to or that you're not too crazy about are usually the ones to either display nosy behavior....or tend to make tactless comments (sometimes even deliberately) to make you feel uncomfortable.
