So I got married about 8 months ago and whenever I talk to my husband’s mom’s side of the family, they always ask me when I’m giving them the “khush khabri”. I politely tell them “not now” not only is it uncomfortable specially since I’ve only met these people only once in my life and don’t even remember their faces, but quite frankly now it’s getting very annoying. Also, it’s none of their business. And finally, how do u tell them to shut up about it specially when they start forcing it down ur throat that u should have a baby soon. They would probably die if I told them I’m not planning on kids for atleast five yrs. They would further roll over in their graves if I told them that it’s because I wanna have a carefree life style and travel the world with my husband before I become responsible for another human being and I feel that I’m too young. Stupid nosy aunties. At the same time, I don’t wanna sound totally disrespectful when I tell them it’s none of their business. Any suggestions?
Re: Baby talk right after marriage
Make some strong bonds in your in-laws and convince them to speak on your behalf.
Don´t worry, it is very normal for nosy aunties to ask these details. If you start bothering about it and it shows, they won´t go easy on you.
Just stay friendly and funny with a bit of sarcasm, like: ´Abhi to me khud bachi hu´ or I already have a baby, BIG baby ( point at your husband)´.
And what worked for a friend of mine:´Bas duaa karen....(smile) ´.
Bas duaa karte kartey us ne at least 3 years guzar diye....
Aunties will be annoying and nosy!
I remember one aunty saying: ´Agli baar aap 2 nehi 3 aana´.........
Re: Baby talk right after marriage
^LOL that's hilarious. I'd tell the old aunty the same thing, ask her to bring another one when she comes over next and see how that makes her feel. I can see myself saying, " bas dua karein" I mean eventually they will stop asking. Though what I dread then is that they will think we r trying to conceive and if we take long then they'll start asking even more personal questions like "are u guys having some problems?" and will start giving me intimate advice. Thank god I don't live in Pakistan and face them everyday.
If you are planning to wait, then yes, there will be remarks made about you guys not having kids already. You know, in the beginning you couldn´t care less..... but for each couple there is a right time, and then you will start having those ´mother feelings´ etc.. But all in time!
Make some strong bonds in your in-laws and convince them to speak on your behalf.
There is no one on his moms side of the family that I can bond with at all. I don't have a MIL, she passed away yrs ago. And i've met most of the people on that side and would not like to share any bond with them. They are all very traditional, narrow minded nosy aunties and hopefully I won't he seeing them again for a long long time.
Don´t worry, it is very normal for nosy aunties to ask these details. If you start bothering about it and it shows, they won´t go easy on you.
Just stay friendly and funny with a bit of sarcasm, like: ´Abhi to me khud bachi hu´ or I already have a baby, BIG baby ( point at your husband)´.
And what worked for a friend of mine:´Bas duaa karen....(smile) ´.
Bas duaa karte kartey us ne at least 3 years guzar diye....
Aunties will be annoying and nosy!
I remember one aunty saying: ´Agli baar aap 2 nehi 3 aana´.........
yeah "bus dua karain"always wors best.if u gonna tell them u don't want one right away they'll b more curiou n bother u more.or instead of saying u r not ready say"mera tu buhat dil hai bus ye abhi nahi mantay"but do take ur hubby in trust b4 putting the whole blame on him, lol
Re: Baby talk right after marriage
oh sumorani i so feel ur pain!!! i got married when i was 22 and we decided not to have kids for atleast 1-2 years. first yr i was finishing my studies the next year i started working and now ive entered 3rd year of being married. initially it was crazy with ppl askin any gud news and all that crap but thankfully i wud have to bear this only when i went to pak. when ure newly married and ppl ask u these sort of qs u just wanna kill them cus you dun understand why they dun get it that we are young and havin kids is not on our mind.
i m just like u. i just dun understand how i will b a mom. i m such a freedom lover.... if i had my way i wud love to live like this forever but how long.... its better to have babies now as its much easier now then later when ill b a bit old. so yeah, hang in there. i know u live abroad so u just have to tolerate these inlaws for a while(assumin they re in Pak). i started sayin now aap duah karein Inshallah cus now i m ready before i used to get soooooo offended.
its a gud idea to tell everyone u r plannin otherwise they will think soemthin is wrong with either one of u which is none of their business but ppl do poke nose anyway. sumorani always remember as long as u and hubs both agree to this kind of lifestyle, let ppl talk crap!!! but make sure ur hubs specifically tell ppl u both are not plannin so that they can put the blame alone on u. its a mutual decision and he shud support you infrnt/behind others.
Re: Baby talk right after marriage
if they r not close inlaws like MIL then u can always giv them a rude straight answer"jub koi baat ho gee tu bata dain gay./sub se pehlay aap ko he batain gay"
There is no one on his moms side of the family that I can bond with at all. I don't have a MIL, she passed away yrs ago. And i've met most of the people on that side and would not like to share any bond with them. They are all very traditional, narrow minded nosy aunties and hopefully I won't he seeing them again for a long long time.
Your husband is the key figure here. He knows all those people and they might value his thoughts more. If he can stand up a bit for you than I think it will solve the problem.
Re: Baby talk right after marriage
i think the best way to go abouts such questions is to be honest. thats what i used to do.. after a yr of marriage some aunty's did start to ask and i just said 'cuz we want to enjoy ourselves before bearing such a responsibility, paal na tho hum ko hoga na' and i would explain my point of view in a confident manner... everyone understood and wouldnt ask again.
i remember one aunty even told me of diff positions to try.. now i have always liked this aunty so i just laffed at it and said, *jub koshish hi nahi keray baby ke liye, tho kaha se hoga aunty?' she was :o but never asked again. word spreads ke bhai they arent trying.
be open and upfront. nothing embrassing to it. if they can ask a pvt question, u can give a pvt answer ;)
The thing with being open and honest is.... you simply don´t want to! Everybody needs their private space and it is very annoying if some random aunty or even a family member butts in!
BTW I am all for ´blaming´ the husband. I bet the aunties won´t go up to your husband and start proposing positions and other uninvited advices. Ofcourse inform your partner in crime of your plans.....
Re: Baby talk right after marriage
Your husband should politely speak to them.
Re: Baby talk right after marriage
funny but i can understand u its what happened with me i got married seven months ago and after two months of marriage all my SIL's and aunties started askin the same question but we were at our best and i kept sayin " jab hona hoga ho jayeega "lol got the good news after few months and unfortunately had a misscarriage
so its better to ignore them
Re: Baby talk right after marriage
^ Im sorry to hear that redroses. May Allah swt do what is best for you.
Sumo............."bas aap dua karein" is the BEST line ever!
Please feel free to use it as much as possible and make them feel guilty because they're not doing enough dua. Its all their fault. LOL
My sis used this and I plan on using it too.
Re: Baby talk right after marriage
lol, bon.. hehe the best line ever... im sure it works for many.. :)
Re: Baby talk right after marriage
It's typical in-law syndrome... they can't wait for their son to be a father....
I didn't have children till after 8 years of being married ->
6 of those years i was in the RAF and my husband spent the majority of his time in France working as a doctor there.
2 of those years my husband and i spent travelling the world.... we wanted to spend some time together and see the world and get all the 'carefree' stuff out of the way before we had to face reality of going home, being responsible and... having kids!!:)
His parents resented me for the fact that i was a 'career women' and that i didn't have kids as soon as we got married. My parents were not pushy at all..... just take your time sumorani... as long as your husband feels the same way, then you have nothing to worry about. Just take Bonni's advice - "bas aap dua karein" :)
It's not just in-laws and aunties, my own mum is laid back in every other way but says the baby stuff a lot and I haven't even tied the knot yet! I told her I want to wait, travel the world and enjoy myself, in answer to that she said 'ok, u can travel and leave the baby with us' and she was serious...
Re: Baby talk right after marriage
^aww, cute.. even my mum says that.. :)
Re: Baby talk right after marriage
From someone who has somewhat been there and done that, just say, “bas dua karein” or “jab hoga to sab say pehlay aapko bata daingay”. OR when they get too annoying, tell them to ask your husband while you hand him the phone 