Baby showers, godh bharai, etc.

Lifestyle Parenting, Household Affairs and Cuisine corner
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Q:::::What is the ruling on baby Showers?

Walaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,

The reason such celebrations can be disliked or reprehensible if that they can entail blameworthy imitation of distinctively non-Muslim habits, or when they are performed with the express intent of following the ways of non-Muslims.

When such things are done in a dignified and distinct manner, bereft of blameworthy practices or obvious intent of imitation, then they are permitted. If good is gone through them, they would be praiseworthy to the extent of the good—such as gathering for the sake of Allah, remembrance of Allah, sharing in the happiness of others, etc.
And Allah alone gives success.

Wassalam.
Faraz Rabbani

Study Islam Online at SunniPath: The Online Islamic Academy

Timepass- December 2012
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Re: Baby showers, godh bharai, etc.

Question: What is the islamic ruling concerning baby showers?

Answer: A 'baby shower' as we understand, is a social gathering or the coming together of a few sisters to congratulate and to express words of support and encouragement to an expectant mother. This act may be accompanied by the giving of gifts, feeding food and congratulations extended by other women.

The above, according to our opinion, is that it would be permissible as long as there are no prohibited activities involved. As such, there should be no music, lewdness, vulgarity, exposure of one's private areas and intermingling between the sexes. In short, there should be no unislamic practices present at such gatherings.

This opinion is based on the fact that the things mentioned above (as being present at that which is termed a baby shower) are all acceptable and permissible in Islam. It should be noted however, that Islam forbids Muslims from copying the customs and practices of non Muslims. Following the fashions and styles which are normally influenced and dictated by the western culture, has been condemned in Islamic teachings and hence, must not be the pattern of Muslims.

In this regard, it is reported that the Prophet of Allah (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, 'He is not of us who likens himself to those other than us. Do not follow the Jews and the Christians.' ( Recorded by Imam Tirmizi)

In another tradition, it is reported that he said, 'Whoever resembles and imitates another people, they would be from among them.' (Recorded by Imam Abu Dawood)

As such, if the above mentioned social gathering is done on account of goodness, then it is well and good. However, if it is simply a matter of following the fashions and styles of non Muslims, then it must be avoided.

And Allah knows best.
Mufti Waseem Khan

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Re: Baby showers, godh bharai, etc.

In conclusion the consensus, as I have heard all my life and understand is, is that you can do it but just make sure your intentions are right...

The same goes for things like mayos, birthdays, etc....

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Re: Baby showers, godh bharai, etc.

o bla bla./

waise i've heard it's not a good idea to celebrate til AFTER the birth. Even conservative Christians (catholics) used to frwn upon having baby showers before hte birth of teh child. Plus in one of the zilionth arguments i read on here, soemoen can do nazar on you, on your happiness etc.. i dont want to say it, but i hope most of u know what i am trying to say................

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Re: Baby showers, godh bharai, etc.

Hmmm, very interesting perspectives.

I for one have never arranged one myself but have attended several. Also, my coworkers and family/friends did a baby shower each for me for my first baby…like when I was 8.5 months pregnant.

The good part: you get loads of gifts and it’s fun.
The bad part: a lot of work goes into it and it makes you feel very humbled that some friends worked so hard to make it so special…well dunno if it’s good or bad.

Can’t really say about the Islamic perspective here…but come to think of it, even half the wedding functions we have are non Islamic…copied from other religions…so where do you put an end…why this and not that? :hmmm:

Battle for Lahore.
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My friend was telling me to do a baby shower, I told her I will think of it. I want to do a quran khani sometime, so if my MIL comes to me, I might do one just before the baby is born, about baby shower I am still not sure, it will good to have friends over so lets see.

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Niksik, this is a mistake that a lot of people fall on. It is true that half of our wedding functions are non-Islamic but that doesn’t justify us doing other non-Islamic stuff…doing one sin doesn’t mean you should do another.

Regardless of whether you have a Baby Shower or not, It is most important to try to understand whether what you are doing is right or wrong…So that even if you do do it, you know what to ask Allah for forgiveness for…And How do we know what is right or wrong? Well that is why we have Muhammad (s); the best of or people try to copy every action of Muhammad (s) and his family, and hold on to every one of his words. So even when they have a *doubt *about something they refrain from it.

But that is the best of us- and it’s a hard level to achieve. It requires a lot of sacrifice.

For the others (and everyone) it* is important that we continously ask for istighfar,* even when we’re in doubt about things we particpitated in, are not sure if they are right, and admire and love those who give up things for the sake of Allah. In a famous hadith, it is said “you will be summonded on DoJ with those who you love.” So maybe we can’t be like them, but we can love them for their righteousness and inshallah maybe we will be one of them..

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Quran khawani sounds like a good idea, SaadiaB!

Niksik, i was also impressed by the work my friends did in by throwing me a baby shower. It was very nice of them, they didnt have to do it and i really felt loved and cared for. I have lived in CHicago for a while and no one cares for you there. In our current small community everyone looks out for each other and i havent even been here THAT long. So I appreciated that they went to great lengths to make this time special for me.

On the other hand, there were a couple of Indian muslim ladies who i think in their culture do not buy ANYThing at all before the baby comes. They think of it as a bad omen. One friend was saying her first born wore baby clothes of her nephew since she wasnt allowed to buy anything beforehand (that was back in India). I havent heard something similiar in Pakistanis yet.

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Oh about the validity of baby showers, hubs and i talked alot about it when i was throwing one for my friend. We couldnt see what was wrong with inviting people over, sitting and chatting and giving the mommy to be some gifts and pampering. There was nothing else going on. Itw as like any other gathering but with presents for the baby. How could that be haram?

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If that is all, many scholars say that it is okay, and not haraam; but they also add the caveat that is can be see as harm, because it's a borrowed tradition from Non-Muslims. So it's all about you intentions.

It's the same issue with birhdays, and valentine's day, etc, and the those wedding functions borrowed from Hindus...

Timepass- December 2012
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Two wrong don’t make a right. Just because we waste money on wedding functions/preparations does not give us the license to do this on other functions too. Wrong things should be condemned and should not become the basis of doing another wrong thing. As I have understood, Islamic prospective is quite simple and logical. DO NOT WASTE ANYTHING (read time and money).

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First of all, baby showers are not suppose to be expensive, eloborate type of party in any culture. (so they cannot be compared to weddings)

Most of the baby showers (desi and non desi) that I attended (and mines) were done in people's own residences, only included close family and friends, only included women, had appropriate amount of food. cake for dessert.

I think it's a great little gathering for the moms to be (with games). I see no harm in it if you don't go overboard

Most people do have a baby registry and whatever you can afford you give. It could be baby blanket. It does make shopping for the baby easier. You need SOOO many things that you don't even know about. I still use most of my gifts everyday (baby monitors and high chair).

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I dont see how baby showers are "fazool kharchy". Its not fair to compare it to a wedding or some huge grand function where thousands of dollars are spent. All baby showers that I have organized or thrown are usually hosted jointed by a group of the mother-to-be sisters and/or best friends. They share in the organization of the menu, decoration, party flavors etc. So the cost is all divided and is never meant to feel like a burden. And it is usually hosted in someone's house, so its not like you need to dish out thousands for a fancy hall. I dont see anything wrong with having a baby shower, its just a nice party for the mother-to-be to spend time with her dear ones before the baby. And there is not even pressure on guests, as people will always bring whatever they want and can afford. Some people will gift a crib or car seat -which is fine- and some people will gift a receiving blanket -which is equally fine-

Personally, when I have a baby inshallah, I want to have a baby shower before the baby is born and an aqeeqa afterwards. Godh bharai I had intially thought too, like baby shower with my girlfriends and cousins etc, and then godh bharai for the aunties etc since it is more traditional, but then I looked into it a bit more and saw it has like some Hindu significance with the whole filling lap with fruit thing, so I crossed that out my mind. but baby shower I dont see any problem with it, as long as you have the right intention

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Re: Baby showers, godh bharai, etc.

a) its not cumpulsory so i dont see how anyone would feel forced into throwing one

b) the mommy to be in question isnt expected to throw one (i havent ever attended such a baby shower, and it sounds kinda dumb).. its the relatives or freinds of the mommy to be throw her one

c) its not meant to be an elaborate affair.. its just a gathering of women with some food and gifts. sometimes there are games. quite simple. now if someone decides to add fancyness to it, all the power to them. but a simple baby shower shouldnt cost more (actually it should cost less) than a regular dawat.

d) godh bharai may have hindu connections to it.. but they also hold a religious ceremony... a baby shower has no such attatchments.

just dont see how owmen getting together, giving gifts and eating food has anything to do with religion.

and its not a waste of money.. unless a person doesnt hold ANY DAWATS WHATSOEVER.

Timepass- December 2012
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I agree that we should strive to stay away from whatever is considered unislamic... and that two wrongs don't make a right, but see...mehendis at weddings not only are wasteful in terms of money but there's music and dance as well...huge expenses in terms of clothes and jewelry and food and decorations and etc etc etc. I am not here trying to defend baby showers but just for the sake of discussion, at least there nothing being done to that scale...15-20 women maximum, in someone's living room, usually a potluck, people bring gifts, wear casual clothes, no music or dance, ladies just sit around and eat and talk...it's like a dawat. I really don't see any unIslamic thing happening here.

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What m i missing? If women do "quran khowani" on baby shower, I am all for it :)

As I said before it all depend on "prospective". For some people spending $500 on a baby shower is "oh we dont spend much..its not fazool kharchi" and for some people "$500 is food for 6 months in absence of which they will starve". I ** personally** try to stay away from such things.

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^ 1) if faced wiht that sort f choice, hopefully most people will make the RIGHT choice.. (if htey cant afford it, dont' take part)!..

Gives new meaning to the phrase "Hate hte game, not the playa" :)

Keeping secrets
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[quote]
As I said before it all depend on "prospective". For some people spending $500 on a baby shower is "oh we dont spend much..its not fazool kharchi" and for some people "$500 is food for 6 months in absence of which they will starve". I personally try to stay away from such things.
[/quote]

You dont have to spend $500 to throw a baby shower :)

Well you CAN spend $500...or you can spend $5,000....or you can spend $50....or even just $5!!!!!

Really, if 2-4 people jointly host the shower together (as if often the case), it is NOT a burden at all

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If money is an issue, people would definitely make sensible choices. It is indeed a perspective.

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What exactly is wrong with getting together with friends, friends giving gifts, some food/drinks, and maybe some games for fun. Plus Dunno about abyone else, but whether a friend of mine had a baby shower or not, I am still going to get something nice for the baby to be. Esp if you are close to them. So what's wrong with getting together, anjoying company, and giving gifts together for fun.