Baahir ki larkiyan

[madz124]

Re: Baahir ki larkiyan

@FusionMiddleware

why … ?

Why didn’t we make more of an effort earlier? Because we didn’t know it would be this hard. Initially, I think everyone kind of hopes for a smooth and reasonably quick process. We thought we would get 2-3 good proposals and we’ll choose from those, but it’s been a tough process, to say the least. But iA when the time is right, it will happen.

@krmaml1

I know of too many divorces like this where the girl was born and raised abroad and the guy is imported from back home. It rarely works out.

The prime reason: the guy figures out the girl has had a sexual past and/or has many male friends she is too close with.

I think its understandable for a guy to want a girl with a similar level of sexual past. The average Pakistani guy has had 1 or 2 gf’s at the most and had some tentative moments of kissing , if lucky, before he gets married. He should marry a girl who hasnt had more than that.

I would ideally want a guy who hasn’t had ANY sort of physical relationship in the past. But I was recently told by this guy (freshly out of Pakistan) that unless you are looking for a mulla, you cannot expect a 28+ guy not to have any flings/affairs/relationships in the past. He said to focus on the future. sigh

@Ghost14

madz I think you’re better off looking in Canada. A Pakistani guy will be unlikely to find a job that matches his credentials, simply because of the perception of Pakistani degrees. And given the fact that you seem to be in a successful career, this may cause problems. It seems minor but it’s not, it does cause problems. This is not exclusive to Desi men, it happens among white people as well.

You should also seriously think about whether you do want a guy who is more qualified/successful/driven than you. Assuming that he is, and he works similar or longer hours, how are the two of you going to make time for family as you progress up the corporate ladder? I don’t think a relationship has room for two “power” careers. You can’t both be working till 7-8pm (or longer) every night. Are you willing to compromise and take a few years off when you guys decide to have kids? Is he going to do that? Just something to think about.

Yeah, I agree, it’s tough for Pakistanis to establish a good career here. But if he upgrades his studies in a 2-3 year program and not have to worry about his finances (assuming the wife will support him in every way during the transition period), then he should use the opportunity to his advantage, no? In 1 or 2 cases where my parents proposed this idea to the guy’s family, we got a straight no from the guy: I am sick and tired of studying. I don’t want to study further. Besides, there is no guarantee that even with a Canadian degree I’ll find a decent job when I have zero Canadian experience.
It’s almost as if they are afraid of failure or too lazy to study more.

In response to your other question, yes I would be willing to put my career on hold. Career is important, but family is more important. I don’t expect the guy to sit at home and take care of the kids. I would love to do that myself someday (iA).
To me, guys who are career-oriented, self-assured, and cultured are very attractive. It doesn’t matter if he is from Canada or Pakistan, as long as we are compatible and attracted to each other… like I said earlier, based on the talks I’ve had with a couple guys from here, they have turned out to be far more religious than me (like one of them asked me when I wear a western dress to a holiday party, does it come up to my knees when I’m sitting down … I had to think about that one! As if pakistan main choti kameez ka riwaaj hi nahi aaya kabhi, ya phir wahan choridaar nahi pehnay jaate but no, we must pick on anything western even when done in moderation…I always wear opaque tights + cardigan so no skin shows, but he was like, that’s not allowed in Islam; you can’t wear tights), or they are way too modern for my liking (drinking/smoking/clubbing/dating white chicks and more). If I did find someone balanced, they didn’t reciprocate. Same with people back home … they have different kind of issues but I do believe there are some really respectable/simple/decent families/guys there. I’ll be happy if I find someone with a personality that I find attractive, and if he is willing to overcome the stereotypes and make an effort to start a career. Hopefully, I end up with someone I can fall in love with. Hopefully, all this struggle is worth it in the end.